Wedding Etiquette Forum

It's Time to Come Clean

I'm chicken shiit.  Really. 

FI and I have been talking about scaling down our wedding.  We've come to the conclusion to cut the guest list in half.  This means we can't have it at our venue, which we gave a $1500 deposit. 

I have to call and cancel, but a little part of me feels like maybe we can swing it (I know we can't), I'm embarrassed to admit it to them (they don't know me from Eve) and lastly we'll lose the entire deposit (which would set us back). 

Anyone want to volunteer to call for me or in the alternative kick my asss so I call.  I've been avoiding a lot of things lately. 

Hi, my name is Ostrich.

Re: It's Time to Come Clean

  • In my experience it's always worse in your head than it is in reality. Just do it and stop torturing yourself!
  • The venue won't work with you at all at your new guest list?  Is it possible that when you say you'll have to cancel they'd rather have something from you than nothing at all?

    I am also chickenshiit so good luck!!
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  • I too put off making phone calls like these. I HATE them, but I usually just give myself a pep talk and I dial before I can even think of turning back! GL!
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  • Write it on a cookie cake and have it delivered to the venue. That way, they can't be made at you. I mean, it's a cookie cake.
  • Wow- $1500 is a LOT to lose.  Are you going to save significantly more than that?
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  • Manda, I think you're right.  I think I have worked up in my head this horrible confrontation.  But, it's a business that specializes in weddings, so I'm sure they've seen it all.

    TR, no.  The minimum is 100 guests.  But, you never know.  I'll ask.
  • You should find out if they'll still work with you and your new guest list.  If not, you're probably not the first person to cancel with them.

    It'll all be ok, don't worry.
  • You worrying about callin is WAY worse than actually calling. So, if you worry about it for more than the 5 minutes it would take to just call, then you are causing yourself unnecessary stress. Stop it! Do you honestly think in this economy you are the only person to call them and cancel? They don't know you from Eve, or from the other 10 girls who've probably called in the last few months and done the same thing. You never know, they may even work with you to do something within your budget.

    Suck it up! CALL!
  • awww don't worry it'll be ok. Just explain to them your situation. Some people are much more understanding than you expect them to be. Take a deep breath, dial, and when you're down, drown yourself in a hot bath with a glass of wine :)
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  • Kiki, I believe so.  I don't know.  Really, maybe we'll just do the whole DW thing or the Vegas thing.  I'm really trying to figure out what's important to us.  I want a pretty princess day, but it's just not in the budget.  Or it will be a very scaled back version. 

    Cew, I don't know how anyone could be mad at a cookie cake. ;)

  • If you can't work up the nerve to call, try sending them an email.  Like Bec said, maybe they can even work out something for your budget.  I'd try to deal with them now before you decide to give up the dream wedding.
    Be kinder than necessary because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.
  • Ashley, they do not communicate with email.  It's the weirdest thing.   Otherwise I would have sent one out awhile ago.
  • I would have DH do it.  He knows I suck at phone calls.  He had to make 95% of the wedding phone calls.

    I'm no help whatsoever.

    I am sorry you guys are having to cut back.  That's a big bummer :(
  • Have you not called yet?!? CALL!

    *This is me, giving you the asss kicking you asked for.
  • I'm calling on the way home, Bec.  I promise.

    ::rubbing my butt::
  • Are you getting married on a Saturday? Many venues I looked at said they had minimums for Saturday (which I couldn't meet), but not for Friday or Sunday, which is what we ended up going for. Or maybe the company owns a smaller property and you can transfer your deposit? Call them and tell them you're scaling back your wedding and see what the options are. Good luck!
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  • Honestly, they'll probably be thrilled- they get $1500 with no work! ;)

    Good luck with everything.  I would love the big pretty princess day, too, but I'm making the best of the Vegas wedding.  The packages are a steal.
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  • I'd try to negotiate with them.  Could you do earlier in the day, or on a Sunday, or in a different room for a different minimum number of guests?  You don't have to tell them it's your budget issues - say you have lots of OOT guests that aren't going to be able to come due to the cost of traveling in this economy.
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    Dresses may be easier to take in than let out, but guest lists are not. -- kate51485
  • Thanks, Mery.  I will ask for all alternatives when I call.

    Hey, Kiki -- I am considering all options.  Are you doing chapel or casino?
  • Casino- Mandalay Bay.  They've got tons of great packages- some even include a reception.  Check out their website (the weddings are under 'Things To Do').  If we change our date, I'm going to do the Valley of the Falls area, which is outdoors and has a pretty waterfall thing.  They even have a fake beach! :)
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_its-time-come-clean?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:50a972dc-a77f-4c45-b7d5-8e916c846e32Post:3bb02e98-ad2a-4cd1-9e13-75ae827c5945">Re: It's Time to Come Clean</a>:
    [QUOTE] I'm making the best of the Vegas wedding.  The packages are a steal.
    Posted by kikibaby[/QUOTE]

    I knoooow! I tried to convince FI that a Vegas wedding would actually end up being way cheaper, but he wouldn't consider it. I guess he wants his pretty princess day.
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  • Update:

    I called.  She was very nice and it turned out she remembered me.  (Very nice lady).  She offered to have us move the date to a Sunday, saving us a whopping $500.  Uh, okay.  Not what I was expecting.  We'll lose the entire deposit and they don't have a smaller venue, nor do they own another property. 

    I told her I'd call her tomorrow to confirm what our decision is.  If we do Vegas, which at this point is a possibility, I will have to calculate the cost-benefit of foregoing the deposit. 

    Yep, this pretty much sucks.
  • I'm sorry :( Also, it's a long shot, but you could always ask for your deposit back. I doubt they would give it to you depending on the contract, etc., and it might make the phone call even more confrontational, but you never know what crazy stuff could happen! Good luck!
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_its-time-come-clean?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:50a972dc-a77f-4c45-b7d5-8e916c846e32Post:f03f6a50-de3e-4665-945a-8645cf4e9115">Re: It's Time to Come Clean</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: It's Time to Come Clean : I knoooow! I tried to convince FI that a Vegas wedding would actually end up being way cheaper, but he wouldn't consider it. I guess he wants his pretty princess day.
    Posted by msmerymac[/QUOTE]

    I sold FI on Vegas when I told him it would only be immediate family if we did it there.  He hates being in front of a big group.

    Capri, FWIW, I think our whole shebang is going to be about $6000 for 20 people (including reception at a nice restaurant in a private room).
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  • Thanks, tlv.

    Kiki, photographer and everything included?  Are you driving to LV or does that include airfare too?  (Sorry I'm being so nosy). 
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_its-time-come-clean?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:50a972dc-a77f-4c45-b7d5-8e916c846e32Post:66fac8f0-b201-4afe-8b4f-fac86dcf3a58">Re: It's Time to Come Clean</a>:
    [QUOTE]Thanks, tlv. Kiki, photographer and everything included?  Are you driving to LV or does that include airfare too?  (Sorry I'm being so nosy). 
    Posted by bbyckes[/QUOTE]

    Every package includes some photography.  None of the casino-chapels let you bring in an outside photographer, so you have to use theirs.  You get some photos included in your price, but have the option to buy more.  We may get a photographer to take some additional outside-the-hotel pics.

    We're flying, but most of the time RT flights from Denver to Vegas are less than $200.  We get one free night in a suite at THEhotel with our package.

    I'm headed home from work, but feel free to PM or page me if you have other q's :)
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  • Kiki my family stayed at the Mandalay Bay when we were in Vegas over the summer and it was beautiful! We walked past the wedding chapel several times and all joked about S and I just getting hitched while we were there. :P Seriously, you picked a great hotel and don't forget to check out the Underwater Adventure aquarium thingy! It's pretty cool.
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  • Capri, I got your message - will send you some details on mine - I got married at the Luxor, and as Kiki said, it was a really good deal.  They offer different packages. We did not get the package with an included night in it, because we were staying at the hotel for 4 nights (already there for 2 nights before the wedding), and they wouldn't just reduce the bill by xx amount). They would, however, exchange it for a photo upgrade, but we didn't want to upgrade (you've seen DH and photos..... less is better).

    I would definitely recommend a casino site over a chapel, based on what my impressions were (if I'd booked a chapel based on what I saw represented online, then got there, DH would have gotten a meltdown then, not now...). But, it depends on what you're looking for.

    I'll post a general idea here, then also email you, but I THINK our total cost was around $2000, not including the extra food my folks bought for the reception afterwards or the dinner they hosted for 16 (I have no idea those costs - I'd say they added another $1300).  It also doesn't include their room cost; they stayed in a two-bedroom suite in the tower, which is what we used for the reception. You'd have that room rental fee as an added cost, but it wouldn't be near their cost - they were there for 4 nights.  My cake was around $130, from a local bakery (it included gum paste flowers and chocolate buttercream icing, and it was DELICIOUS). Served 20 people. We also added a 1/4 sheet cake for around $30, same cake, minus the flowers.

    The cost I gave you does NOT include the photo copyright (which was a surprise gift from my parents) and additional photos - 8x10s, all the prints, a wall collage, etc.
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  • Wow, thanks Missy!  This info makes me happy!  I'll be looking out for the info.
  • Good luck with organising something else! I don't suppose you know anyone looking for a venue who would be interested in taking your date?
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