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Trying to be Polite

casteel12casteel12
First Comment First Anniversary
in Military Brides
Hi, still a newbie but I have a question. I just hope I put it in a right way.

So, a little while ago I made a thread about a VR. I want to keep it intimate and elegant but not flashy. So, I have been very careful about mixing not only some wedding aspects ( the cake and perhaps an ivory gown) with some other ideas (not wearing a veil but this awesome art deco hair pin I found online and no bouquet toss as I said in another post, it will be given to my great-grandmother) but I find myself debating with some issues. One being the bridesmaid situation. My SIL had a vow renewal a while back and she had a ton of bridesmaids. It was nice but personally I am not sure if I want that many girls in it at all. She not only had a lot of bridesmaids but several flower girls and jr. bridesmaids.

 Personally, I only really care about my younger sister being a Maid of Honor. My issue is I have a lot of female relatives who want to be in the VR. How do I be polite in saying no? Is there a way I can have them in the wedding but as bridesmaids such as a poem reader or something? I have been looking around but getting different answers.

Thanks a lot!
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Re: Trying to be Polite

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    kyrgyzstankyrgyzstan member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I would just say you're each doing one attendant only because it's going to be small. My dad is playing a song instead of walking me down the aisle, but I think too many readings/songs can make a ceremony kind of boring. 

    Just tell them it's small and invite them! :)
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    Beachy730Beachy730 member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_trying-polite?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:45c151fd-4f1f-4f2a-9b1a-1b74a60364baPost:e9ec8faf-b9d5-41bf-8886-bb9364f08b8b">Trying to be Polite</a>:
    [QUOTE]Hi, still a newbie but I have a question. I just hope I put it in a right way. So, a little while ago I made a thread about a VR. I want to keep it intimate and elegant but not flashy. So, I have been very careful about mixing not only some wedding aspects ( the cake and perhaps an ivory gown) with some other ideas (not wearing a veil but this awesome art deco hair pin I found online and no bouquet toss as I said in another post, it will be given to my great-grandmother) but I find myself debating with some issues. One being the bridesmaid situation. My SIL had a vow renewal a while back and she had a ton of bridesmaids. It was nice but personally I am not sure if I want that many girls in it at all. She not only had a lot of bridesmaids but several flower girls and jr. bridesmaids.  Personally, I only really care about my younger sister being a Maid of Honor. My issue is I have a lot of female relatives who want to be in the VR. How do I be polite in saying no? Is there a way I can have them in the wedding but as bridesmaids such as a poem reader or something? I have been looking around but getting different answers. Thanks a lot!
    Posted by casteel12[/QUOTE]

    <div>To be honest, you don't have to be polite in telling them no, since it is really rude of them to ask to be in your wedding or VR.  But I understand not wanting to upset anyone, so I would just simply say "thanks, we'll keep that in mind," or "thanks, but we plan on keeping things small for our VR."</div><div>
    </div><div>The only other way to honor someone would be with a reading during the ceremony, or a poem like you said.  Things like guestbook attendant, and bride's houseparty are not honors and are jobs that people should be paid for.  But being a guest is an honor as welll, and you shouldn't feel like you have to be finding a special way to honor everyone.  </div>
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    SamiJoeBSamiJoeB
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    If you worry too much about pleasing everyone, your day could turn into something else entirely.  This day is about your and your H renewing your vows to one another, don't worry about making everyone else happy, do what makes the two of you happy!!
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    SarahP787SarahP787
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    edited December 2011
    I think most people will be very understanding if you just say you're keeping it small. Especially since it's not like you're asking one cousin and not others... it's just your sister, and that makes complete sense.
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    heather0711heather0711
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    The sister-only route is the way to go. That's what I did. The only two people in the wedding party are my twin sisters. That way there is no choosing someone over someone else, it is what it is. It's hard for people to come up with something to whine about when it's just your sister. And if they do, just explain that you wanted a really small wedding party and instead of having to pick and choose, you simply decided to only have your sister. 
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