Some Brides Maids Unhappy with Cost of Dress

[Deleted User] · January 2010

Determined not to make my brides maids purchase a dress they could never wear again, I chose cute dresses from J Crew and gave three dress options in the same color. They are a little over $200. While they haven't said it outright, I know some of my brides maids are not happy about spending this much money. I feel like I made a good choice because I gave them three options and something they can actually wear again. What do you think?

saisongbird · January 2010

Just a question - did you ASK them how much they would feel comfortable spending? I would be VERY unhappy spending $200 on a dress, even if I could wear it again. My girls happened to be ok at the $150 mark, especially since they wanted to do to David's bridal with me, but they would have balked at $200. It might not be my style or you may have chosen a color I don't love. Just because YOU think they're cute doesn't mean THEY think they're cute. It's a matter of perspective.

I would try this again and go back and ask them, INDIVIDUALLY, how much they would feel comfortable spending on a dress. If they say less than $200 then you have two options. 1) Choose a different dress. 2) Buy the dress but offer to pay the difference between where they're comfortable and the cost of the dress. Keep in mind that these girls need to pay for alterations, shoes, jewelry, and if they're out-of-towners, travel and hotel expenses.

emarston1 · January 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_brides-maids-unhappy-cost-of-dress?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:d28716b0-6506-4180-9f14-7b5095b79c67Post:039f75a0-4f82-4b7c-939a-18a83a76286c">Re: Some Brides Maids Unhappy with Cost of Dress</a>:
[QUOTE]Just a question - did you ASK them how much they would feel comfortable spending? I would be VERY unhappy spending $200 on a dress, even if I could wear it again. My girls happened to be ok at the $150 mark, especially since they wanted to do to David's bridal with me, but they would have balked at $200. It might not be my style or you may have chosen a color I don't love. Just because YOU think they're cute doesn't mean THEY think they're cute. It's a matter of perspective. I would try this again and go back and ask them, INDIVIDUALLY, how much they would feel comfortable spending on a dress. If they say less than $200 then you have two options. 1) Choose a different dress. 2) Buy the dress but offer to pay the difference between where they're comfortable and the cost of the dress. Keep in mind that these girls need to pay for alterations, shoes, jewelry, and if they're out-of-towners, travel and hotel expenses.
Posted by saisongbird[/QUOTE]

Just thought it was worth repeating.

bablingbrooke · January 2010

You didn't make a good choice if you didn't ask them what their budgets were. There are only two choices here: 1) cover the cost of the dress, or 2) find a new dress in their price range.

[Deleted User] · January 2010

That's a lot of money to ask for them to spend, especially since they will also have to shell out costs for shoes. I'd feel incredibly guilty asking anyone to buy a dress that expensive, especially knowing my MOH can barely afford her phone bill. Actually, I bought her dress so she wouldn't have to worry about the cost.

It's not their wedding, it's yours, so why would they want to put out that kind of cash?

AutumnFair · January 2010

I agree with the other ladies, did you actually ask your bridesmaids INDIVIDUALLY what they were comfortable in spending?

I have been in plenty of weddings and almost all asked how much I was comfortable in spending for a dress that I will wear once (no matter how much you sugar coat that something they can wear again it is 95% likely that they will never have an event that they can wear it for). The one friend's wedding that didn't ask me picked out a dress that was $250, I'm a fairly blunt person and told her that I definitely wasn't comfortable spending that much money and if she couldn't find something within my budget I would have to decline. She was a newbie, never been in or associated with a wedding so she definitely was ok with finding something in my range. So go back to your bridesmaids and ask them how much they would like to spend. If you are in love with dresses you have chosen you need to split the difference to what your BM's budgets or if you can't afford the difference, you need to find a new dress (trust me, there are plenty to chose from

).

trix1223 · January 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_brides-maids-unhappy-cost-of-dress?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:d28716b0-6506-4180-9f14-7b5095b79c67Post:17ad38df-4894-43b8-b83a-0706e45885ee">Some Brides Maids Unhappy with Cost of Dress</a>:
[QUOTE]Determined not to make my brides maids purchase a dress they could never wear again, I chose cute dresses from J Crew and gave three dress options in the same color. They are a little over $200. While they haven't said it outright, I know some of my brides maids are not happy about spending this much money. I feel like I made a good choice because I gave them three options and something they can actually wear again. What do you think?
Posted by KellyStevens81[/QUOTE]

YOU chose a cute dress. YOU think it's wearable again. But a dress that YOU think is cute, I might simply hate. Just because you thinks it's "wearable again", doesn't mean they do.

So you made two mistakes here: you chose a dress without checking with the women what they were comfortable spending, and you chose a dress, apparently without their input.

I'd be p!ssed too.

duckie1905 · January 2010

Unless you asked them their budget ahead of time, you goofed. I would never spent that much on a BM dress, especially considering the cost of alterations to follow.

Besides, BM dresses are hardly ever wearable again, despite what a bride may think.

Pick something else that they can afford. Ask them privately what their budget is and then start looking in the lowest price range that the BMs can afford.

swim1011 · January 2010

I'm willing to bet that not all of your BMs consider the dress options 'cute' or wearable after the wedding. And if you didn't ask if they could afford it, then it doesn't matter how 'cute' any of them were. J. Crew dresses aren't exactly cheap, unless they're on sale. It's time to reconsider. Ask them what they can afford, and go from there.

Catwoman708 · January 2010

It doesn't really matter if it is wearable again, or where it is from. That's still a lot of money for some people, especially when there are many, many other suitable BM dresses for half the price.

Either keep looking, ask for some suggestions and input from them on similar style dresses, or buy the dresses for them. If you can't afford to buy them, then they can't either.

I'd suggest picking color, length, shoe color, and some suggestions on what style, but let them pick their own dresses and shoes that are within their means.

banana468 · January 2010

Everyone else already hit on the same things.

1) Before you look for a dress, you need to ask your BMs individually what their budgets are. THAT is the information that tells you how to start dress shopping.

2) You need to shop WITH them so that they can find dresses that they like that are in their price range.

Unless J.Crew puts that dress on a great sale, I think it's time to start looking for other ideas.

Kristin789 · February 2010

>>So you made two mistakes here: you chose a dress without checking with the women what they were comfortable spending, and you chose a dress, apparently without their input.

This must be regional. I am in the South, and I have never heard of a bride quizzing the bridesmaids on their personal budget and their personal tastes. The bride picks the dress and that's the dress.

Sure, the bride is supposed to take into account if her BMs are all 22-year-old single women just getting started in careers versus 35-women who are all married and set in careers, etc. But there's no questionnaire to fill out, no evaluation of budgets, no analysis of past tax statements, no personal interviews of the BMs.

AutumnFair · February 2010

No, I think the bride picking the dress with zero input from her bridesmaids is an old "traditional" thing that is FINALLY starting to break away like many other "traditional" wedding things like Bride's parents pay for wedding, certain dances, tosses, even WP, dresses/everything matching. Because if you really think about it, why wouldn't you ask your friends what they could afford? If you really care about them you will come to realize that no one "my day" is worth a years of friendship, specially over a stupid dress.

I know a few friends that are in very very tight because they are out of grad school and are struggling to find a job, I would never in my life feel good about myself if I decided on a dress and just told them "here's the dress, its $200". It's up to the bride to just ask a simple question to each of the girls at what price range they can afford, even I admit, I was in "traditional" land 10 years ago for my cousin's wedding, thinking that the bride just picks the dress and thats what it is. It wasn't until my friend getting married a few years ago that it was pointed out to me that it really shouldn't be done that way, that people should have some kind of input on the dress. Definitely have to thank the knot ladies to really opening my eyes on so many things.

trix1223 · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_brides-maids-unhappy-cost-of-dress?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:d28716b0-6506-4180-9f14-7b5095b79c67Post:88eb0650-efb6-45c9-8716-292d79230a4a">Re: Some Brides Maids Unhappy with Cost of Dress</a>:
[QUOTE] />>So you made two mistakes here: you chose a dress without checking with the women what they were comfortable spending, and you chose a dress, apparently without their input. This must be regional. I am in the South, and I have never heard of a bride quizzing the bridesmaids on their personal budget and their personal tastes. The bride picks the dress and that's the dress. Sure, the bride is supposed to take into account if her BMs are all 22-year-old single women just getting started in careers versus 35-women who are all married and set in careers, etc. But there's no questionnaire to fill out, no evaluation of budgets, no analysis of past tax statements, no personal interviews of the BMs.
Posted by Kristin789[/QUOTE]

Oh for pity's sake, Kristin. Can you please, please, please stop trying to resurrect the 1950's. They're dead and gone, and really don't need to be revived. Happily, women are much smarter now than in the days when they went to college to get an "Mrs." as their degree.

It is only considerate to ask someone what they're comfortable spending. It is only considerate to ask one's friends, who WILL be spending the money about whether or not they like a dress.

You're trying to be cute to make a point, but it's not. Nobody is asking to see tax returns, fill out questionnaires, or submit to personal interviews. They're talking about being courteous, which I understand is valued in the deep south. So why are you deriding those of us who are advocating for being courteous and thoughful?

bablingbrooke · February 2010

Kristin, this comes up every time you post. Whatever corner of the south you live in isn't on the same page as the rest of the country. Accept that.

MyNameIsNot · February 2010

Interesting. I live in the south, but the part where 1950 is history.

Here in the modern south, we believe in manners and being considerate. If you're expecting someone to pay for something, you ask them what they're comfortable spending before you pick it.

dancr214 · February 2010

I didn't ask my bridesmaids what they were comfortable spending (I guess I just didn't think about it, which now I kind of feel bad about), but I could NEVER imagine asking my friends (or anyone) to spend $200 on a dress, no matter how cute it is. I would really look for another dress that is less expensive. I am not sure if this is true for all bridal shops, but at the place I got my bridesmaids dresses if we ordered three of more we received 30% off, which I think is a great deal!

amandajean36 · February 2010

i'd rather spend $100 and never wear the dress again.

carolinaila10 · February 2010

i found the dress i want them to wear, sent it to them and told them the discount the designer will give and told the girls if they couldnt afford it then to tell me and we would either work something out or find another dress for all of them. i am pretty traditional and think that i need to choose the dress they wear, but i also understand were all not that far out of college and things need to be reasonable. everyone loved the dress and said since i told them about it in such advance, that would be ok. i am giving them a little under a year and a half...they wont have to pay in full til right before the wedding. so i kinda did a mix of the 2 things here, i chose one then asked opinions. a lot of their parents are willing to help them out, which helps the decision a little.

bablingbrooke · February 2010

Why on earth would you pick a dress over a year before they need to wear it? What if they gain/lose 50 pounds or get pregnant?

dovesweet07 · February 2010

At first I was also trying to find a dress for the BMs that they would be able to wear again... but then I realized that no one usually wears their dress again, even if it was really cute for the wedding. So i tried to find something that was a little more affordable... Davids Bridal has some cute styles (and some really not cute ones too) and they are a little more affortable. Also, they are having a sale right now for 50% off all sale BM dresses, only until 2/15.

carolinaila10 · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_brides-maids-unhappy-cost-of-dress?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:d28716b0-6506-4180-9f14-7b5095b79c67Post:6fd36253-d0b7-4aca-b025-fd4adc4100c5">Re: Some Brides Maids Unhappy with Cost of Dress</a>:
[QUOTE]Why on earth would you pick a dress over a year before they need to wear it? What if they gain/lose 50 pounds or get pregnant?
Posted by bablingbrooke[/QUOTE]

if that was to me, they arent buying them yet, it was just getting some ideas together. we arent buying them til early fall. i may even change my mind before then.

anne.azano · February 2010

Try http://www.ariadress.com/DressThumbnails.htm. depending on the fabric, the pricing is closer to 160 and there are sooooo many options. What if you pick a color and let them choose the style?

One of my bridesmaids is fine financially and another pretty strapped. She is paying 100 and together, we're making up the difference. We're all very close, so being honest and expressing what they want and are willing to pay is not a problem. I'm also going to make them jewelry and pay for their hair and makeup so it's not such an expensive day.

I'd rather have happy bridesmaids than angry ones who are bitching about me behind my back, which you know they're doing if they feel you're pushing this on them. I say let them pick the dress, because of all the details to stress over in a wedding, what they're wearing really doesn't matter all that much....

islandgirl88 · February 2010

If you like your friends, and enjoy having them around.... i suggest you scrap that idea. Talk to them individually and come to a compromise.

In september 2008 my best friend had me purchase a BM dress for her wedding. It was 300 dollars. I am still resentful.

sbily2010 · February 2010

i myself didn't bother asking my bm what they could afford.... but i have an idea 2 are in school and 1 is pregnant atm. so as cheap as possible!!!!!! i've never heard of this asking them before you pick a style thing, but you don't take advantage of your friends either. $200 while yes a lot of money isn't that bad of a price either. but maybe look at things you can do to save them money. if they all order at once is there a discount? can you help with jewelry or shoes or what ever so they don't have to buy all that? also be helpful if you can

annwest · March 2010

From my wedding i actually bought the bridesmaid dresses for my bridesmaid...and I asked them to pick the dresses from several different websites, once they all agree on it then I bought it.

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