Yay, my "gift" is my uniform...

katieisawesome · April 2011

Ugh. I don't know if I can keep my blood pressure under control if this woman commits one more wedding faux pas...

Today I found out that my hair and a necklace (for which I will need to purchase matching earrings, lucky me - and a chain since it's actually a "pendant" not a necklace - I haven't seen it yet) is my "gift" for being in my friend's wedding.

This after being explicitly told many months ago that we would all get to choose our own hair, makeup, nails and jewelry.

I don't mind having to wear the jewelry she picks out, but it shouldn't be the gift. And I shouldn't have to buy matching earrings. And that's great if she wants to pay for the hair but it's not a GIFT. It's a paid-for obligation.

Mrs.B6302007 · April 2011

Hopefully the jewelry will at least be your taste so that you can possibly use it again.

Mrs.B6302007 · April 2011

And really. She should provide the chain for the "poendant".

ETA Ha! I quoted "poendant" becuase I thought that's what the bride was calling it. =-)

Milsey32 · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_yay-gift-uniform?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d9af8a3a-dcbe-4a00-a06c-d30c178c3fd4Post:56783f2f-bf85-4c46-b714-58fb200f8de1">Re: Yay, my "gift" is my uniform...</a>:
[QUOTE]And really. She should provide the chain for the "poendant". ETA Ha! <strong> I quoted "poendant" becuase I thought that's what the bride was calling it. =-)</strong>
Posted by Mrs.B6302007[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>hahahahahhahahahah</div><div>
</div><div>Sorry OP -- what a bummer. ]:</div>

katieisawesome · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_yay-gift-uniform?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d9af8a3a-dcbe-4a00-a06c-d30c178c3fd4Post:9c2e4f6a-f248-49d9-a8db-9548907e8af5">Re: Yay, my "gift" is my uniform...</a>:
[QUOTE]Hopefully the jewelry will at least be your taste so that you can possibly use it again.
Posted by Mrs.B6302007[/QUOTE]

<div>Indeed. I will just buy plain silver (or probably white gold since my ears are crazy sensitive) tiny hoop earrings anyway since I am the sort of girl who will wear one piece of seriously outlandish jewelry - rarely earrings and a necklace. Today I am wearing earrings, a necklace, and a ring and it feels like waaaay too much (and the earrings are practically invisible tiny gold hoops I wear every day).</div>

jrkjpf · April 2011

Tell her you have sensitive ears and that you apologize but you will not be able to purchase or wear the earrings.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · April 2011

Hopefully the pendant is nice - and not in her wedding colors. I'd just wear earrings you already own.

jemmini6 · April 2011

While it's a faux pas to gift someone something that you 'require', is it not also a faux pas to expect a gift??

katieisawesome · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_yay-gift-uniform?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d9af8a3a-dcbe-4a00-a06c-d30c178c3fd4Post:56783f2f-bf85-4c46-b714-58fb200f8de1">Re: Yay, my "gift" is my uniform...</a>:
[QUOTE]And really. She should provide the chain for the "poendant". ETA Ha! I quoted "poendant" becuase I thought that's what the bride was calling it. =-)
Posted by Mrs.B6302007[/QUOTE]

<div>Hahaha it's funny - when I caught the typo, I thought to myself, "That looks like something she would say." lol</div>

Maggie0829 · April 2011

You have to buy matching earrings? Was this a requirement from the bride? If so she should have purchased them as part of your "gift" as well. Also, if she is paying for your hair is she also telling you how to wear it or is she just being generous with that part?

katieisawesome · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_yay-gift-uniform?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d9af8a3a-dcbe-4a00-a06c-d30c178c3fd4Post:a6ac3490-e1c3-4cd9-970f-cb8780b4ad22">Re: Yay, my "gift" is my uniform...</a>:
[QUOTE]While it's a faux pas to gift someone something that you 'require', is it not also a faux pas to expect a gift??
Posted by jemmini6[/QUOTE]

<div>Sorry I should be clearer - I don't need a gift at all. I just hated that she said, "My gift to you is.........." and it was that.</div><div>
</div><div>I'd rather not get a gift and get to pick my own jewelry and not have to buy even more stuff to match what she picked :)</div>

WildRumpus · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_yay-gift-uniform?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d9af8a3a-dcbe-4a00-a06c-d30c178c3fd4Post:a6ac3490-e1c3-4cd9-970f-cb8780b4ad22">Re: Yay, my "gift" is my uniform...</a>:
[QUOTE]While it's a faux pas to gift someone something that you 'require', is it not also a faux pas to expect a gift??
Posted by jemmini6[/QUOTE]

Kind of what I was thinking...it stinks that she's requiring you to wear the stuff OP, but it seems kind of bratty to be expecting a gift...

Edit: You posted at the same time as me. I retract my previous statement <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-smile.gif" border="0" alt="Smile" title="Smile" />

Mrs.B6302007 · April 2011

I don't think she's expecting a gift. I took this more of a real-life story of being on the receiving end of required jewelry labeled as a gift. I think she was just sharing since we're always telling brides jewelry for the wedding =/= gift.

cengle · April 2011

yeah, I didn't see this as OP expecting a gift either.

But the bride dressed up her jewelry requirements as a gift. Super lame.

achiduck · April 2011

Yikes. I'd tell the bride that her wedding/shower gift is tied up in the money you had to spend on your dress and matching jewellery.

jemmini6 · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_yay-gift-uniform?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d9af8a3a-dcbe-4a00-a06c-d30c178c3fd4Post:ba558d8f-1422-4814-8856-963f04d6327e">Re: Yay, my "gift" is my uniform...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Yay, my "gift" is my uniform... : Sorry I should be clearer - I don't need a gift at all. I just hated that she said, "My gift to you is.........." and it was that. I'd rather not get a gift and get to pick my own jewelry and not have to buy even more stuff to match what she picked :)
Posted by katieisawesome[/QUOTE]

Yeah, I agree. It's definitely one thing to say, "I'll be paying for your hair and buying you this necklace" then it is to say "Look at these awesome 'gifts' I'm getting you, that are for MY wedding..."

KelaRenee · April 2011

Even if it's required, it's still a gift. Also, don't wear earrings if you don't have any that match. The only thing you have a reasonable complaint about is not being given a chain as well. She doesn't owe you a gift.

Mrs.B6302007 · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_yay-gift-uniform?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d9af8a3a-dcbe-4a00-a06c-d30c178c3fd4Post:04381bd1-3a0d-4a3b-97d3-9c186d708087">Re: Yay, my "gift" is my uniform...</a>:
[QUOTE]Even if it's required, it's still a gift. Also, don't wear earrings if you don't have any that match. The only thing you have a reasonable complaint about is not being given a chain as well. She doesn't owe you a gift.
Posted by KelaRenee[/QUOTE]

You're new round these parts, aren't ya? =-)

KelaRenee · April 2011

It doesn't matter if I'm new or not. If someone gives you something, it's a gift. It may not "count" as a bridesmaid gift, but it's still something being given.

I'm in my cousin's wedding this summer and she decided to purchase our dresses for us. I have no expectation of receiving anything else from her and I have no objection to that.

Mrs.B6302007 · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_yay-gift-uniform?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d9af8a3a-dcbe-4a00-a06c-d30c178c3fd4Post:65877a2b-30d5-40dd-be61-b65db96211f4">Re: Yay, my "gift" is my uniform...</a>:
[QUOTE]It doesn't matter if I'm new or not. If someone gives you something, it's a gift. It may not "count" as a bridesmaid gift, but it's still something being given. I'm in my cousin's wedding this summer and she decided to purchase our dresses for us. I have no expectation of receiving anything else from her and I have no objection to that.
Posted by KelaRenee[/QUOTE]

Lighten up. I was just picking at you a bit.

katiecrutch · April 2011

yeah no offense but you sound much ruder by whining about your expectations of a gift.

Mrs.B6302007 · April 2011

Again, OP may not necessarily be expecting gifts. For anyone who's been around the boards for awhile, you know that the topic of jewelry for WP "gifts" is one that comes up frequently so, in her defense, she might possibly have just been sharing that she received one of these gifts knowing that we would "get it".

AbbeyS2011 · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_yay-gift-uniform?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:d9af8a3a-dcbe-4a00-a06c-d30c178c3fd4Post:5dbbedbc-4d59-40f3-b2f7-2eb15e44b1cd">Re: Yay, my "gift" is my uniform...</a>:
[QUOTE]yeah no offense but you sound much ruder by whining about your expectations of a gift.
Posted by katiecrutch[/QUOTE]

I did not notice the OP "whining" about a gift. She was upset about having to purchase a chain AND earrings to go with the rest of the ensemble the bride picked out for her and is REQUIRING her to wear, and stating that will be the BM gifts.

thealefairy · April 2011

I was in a wedding last summer, and my gift was a necklace and earrings. Not my style at all, and I didn't have pierced ears. Was I disappointed, maybe a little. However, it was important to the bride that everyone wore the same jewelry. Her thought process was probably something along the lines of "I don't want the bridesmaids to have to pay for anything else." Yes, it sucks that you have to buy a chain, but at least it will be a flattering length of your own choosing. As for the earrings, don't buy them. Wear something you already own. A bad bridesmaid gift should not be a reason for bad feelings towards the bride.

On this other hand, you said "if this woman commits one more wedding faux pas.." Sounds like your frustration with this bride goes beyond a bad BM gift. Maybe you should consider what the real source of your frustration is. If its something serious, you should talk to the bride. If its more of a series of careless ettiquette slips, deal with it, smile for the photographs, and try not to complain too much, since it only makes you look bad.

AbbeyS2011 · April 2011

cinsider? WTH is that?

I think you meant "consider"?

I guess I fail to see how "important" it is to a bride that everyone be so matchy-matchy with their jewelry. Yes, it is nice and looks uniform, but not the end of the world if they do not match. I cannot see spending money on something my BP will not wear outside of the wedding. Plus, my MOH can only wear specific metals so they will choose what jewelry they wear at my wedding. I really do not care.

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