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What to say to my mother?

[Deleted User][Deleted User]
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in Just Engaged and Proposals
me and my bf are engaged, but it's kinda under the table dealings until we go up to his home so i can officially meet his parents for the first time. However, it's my mother im worried about. My bf is 11 years older than me, and mother has always issues about me dating older men. How can i tell her without it turning into a family feud?
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Re: What to say to my mother?

  • dewingedpixiedewingedpixie member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment First Anniversary
    Its understandable that she is nervous of this. I think if she sees he's good to you itll be ok. My parents both were nervous of this when I was younger. How old are you? Now that I'm 31 preparing to marry a 41 year old its not as big of a deal as when I was 18 dating a 26 year old to them. The biggest factor though for my parents is my man is good to me and my daughter. Let them see him be good to you and they'll probably calm down. Thats what really matters is having someone who will be there for you through thick and thin.

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  • mymissingpuzzlepiecemymissingpuzzlepiece
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    Two questions: First, How old are you? Second, does your mother even know you are dating this guy? 
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User]
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    im 24 and yes she knows we're dating.
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  • calliopeia2013calliopeia2013 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_what-to-say-to-my-mother?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:37112c9e-5f15-42a4-b5d7-adf149e25eabPost:46212b35-bd00-4b59-89cc-c8b44e7ca626">Re: What to say to my mother?</a>:
    [QUOTE]im 24 and yes she knows we're dating.
    Posted by yazarrie[/QUOTE]

    Then assuming you're financially independent, you just tell her.  You're a grown-up, and it's your life. 

    What I would probably do is just tell her as though you expect her to be happy for you, e.g. "Mom, I have great news!  [FI] and I just got engaged and we're absolutely thrilled!"  And then let her take things from there.

    (Do give her a bit of time to get used to the idea after you tell her before trying to get her participation in wedding-y stuff, though.)
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  • mymissingpuzzlepiecemymissingpuzzlepiece
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_what-to-say-to-my-mother?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:37112c9e-5f15-42a4-b5d7-adf149e25eabPost:f9373d22-0024-4405-9307-c71cd597c7ad">Re: What to say to my mother?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: What to say to my mother? : <strong>Then assuming you're financially independent, you just tell her.</strong>  You're a grown-up, and it's your life.  What I would probably do is just tell her as though you expect her to be happy for you, e.g. "Mom, I have great news!  [FI] and I just got engaged and we're absolutely thrilled!"  And then let her take things from there. (Do give her a bit of time to get used to the idea after you tell her before trying to get her participation in wedding-y stuff, though.)
    Posted by calliopeia2013[/QUOTE]

    <div>This.</div>
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  • julib33julib33 member
    First Comment
    Just tell her. She may or may not be excited but you won't know until you tell her. My FI is 5 years older than me, but when I had previously date an "older" guy that was only 3 years older than me my dad freaked out and told me he was too old.
    When my FI asked my dad's permission over a year before he asked me to marry him my dad was thrilled! And he even introduced my FI as my FI before he ever proposed. MY FI also asked my dad again the day he asked and my dad gave him permission again. When I cakked my dad ecstatic that my FI had just propsed he said "Yea, I know." and was completely NOT excited for me. He wouldn't even say congratulations or that he loved me.

    About a week later we talked about it and he's fine with it now; happy for us. I think it was just a shock and took some time to sink Just give your mom some time if she's not excited at first; she'll most likely come around.
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