Pre-Cana...huge disappointment... (long)

KD+BC · June 2010

Today FI and I had pre-cana. For those of you who don't know, it's a marriage prep class offered by the Catholic Church. I was really looking forward to it because I'm a big believer in really talking about marriage and making sure you are both on the same wavelength. The 5 hour course was broken up into 4 sessions, a welcome/seminar on adjusting from single to married life, a session on finances, a session on getting to know your FI, and a session on Natural Family Planning. I was really pumped about the finances session because FI live together but have our money separate. We plan on merging finances once we're married (or slightly before).

The first session was a woman talking to everyone as if we had no idea who our fiances are. You would have thought we were all on first dates. She also told us that our FIs will never change so if there is anything that bugs you, talk about it now. Then she proceeded to tell us that when she and her husband got married, her husband spent every cent he earned and she was able to get him to save money.

Next was the finances workshop given by a retired accounted. He told us that he is addicted to gambling. He also told us how much debt all of his children are in. He then told us what his house was worth when they bought it and what it's worth now. He didn't have us talk to each other even once, just told us about how to get out of debt and what kind of mortgages to get (FI already owns a home). I know not everyone has a house yet but I thought it would be more about merging finances, not buying a house 101.

The "getting to know your FI" session was fun because the priest that led it was really fun and brought a lot of humor to it. Luckily, we both know each other pretty well!

The Natural Family Planning session also sounded interesting to me because I plan to use these techniques to get pregnant. I love my birth control pills so I probably won't use it for contraception but I'm kind of a closet Bio nerd so it sounded really interesting to me. It's a good thing I know what NFP is because I would have been really lost throughout this whole presentation. They spent the whole time giving us "teasers" to sign up (and pay) for their course.

All in all, I'm really disappointed. I really thought we'd get more out of it. Have any of you gone through pre-cana? Was yours different?

chipypony · June 2010

Im sorry it was a dissapointment. We haven't done that and I am not sure if we have to or if its offered through BF's church. I am supposidly a catholic and he is protestant, and if it was up to me we would just stay away from any religious institutions and such but he has his heart set on getting married in his church. I don't plan on flying back for classes so if they insist they can skype council me (Its a pretty small congregation haha). However, BF just found out his minister that he has had since birth is retiring in July and will not be doing any weddings or funerals with no exceptions. He's bummed and hates the person taking over (Im secretly hoping he just nixes the whole church thing).

However that being said, I would probably want to know more about handling merged finances and such, especially since our income levels are about $40,000 different. I think it would be hard to take financial advice from a gambler whose kids are in debt...

KD+BC · June 2010

Yeah, neither of us are church goers. I was brought up Catholic and he was brought up Methodist. My mom and grandparents are devout and we're doing the church wedding for them. Ok I'll admit, I've always thought I'd get married in the church too!

I just wish we had been able to get more out of the day.

hetshup · June 2010

Wow, that's so disappointing. I'm so sorry! Our pre-cana was an engaged encounter so it was a whole retreat weekend thing. There was a Mass, and we prayed together. They had a little session, then gave us questions which we wrote in a blue book (we both started to crack up when we saw them) and then read what each other wrote. It was very interesting. I might have all the questions around somewhere if you would like them.

I feel like there were people at your pre-cana class that were terribly disserviced by not having a better pre- cana class.

Hetshup's natural family planning class (possible TMI) once your cervical discharge looks like egg whites GET IT ON.

PS also TMI, if you are planning on starting ASAP after the wedding it might not be a bad idea to stop taking the pills. It took me 10 weeks before I had a period on my own.

KD+BC · June 2010

Wow Hetshup, yours sounds so much better! How funny about the blue book thing. I would have felt like I was transported back to undergrad!

We've talked about when I should stop taking my pill and are still trying to decide exactly when we want to start TTC. I know it's not at all guaranteed to happen in the first month or two but I want to make sure that if it does happen then, we'll be ready. I have an appointment with my OBGYN coming up so I think I'll discuss when to stop taking the pill with him then.

I have ventured over to the Bump and the girls over there recommend the book, Taking Charge of Your Fertility. I think I'm going to see if our local library has it available and if it's really good I'll buy it. Who needs to pay $80 for a course if it's all there in a book?!

dees14 · June 2010

" Then she proceeded to tell us that when she and her husband got married, her husband spent every cent he earned and she was able to get him to save money."
This made me LOL.

That sucks that your pre-cana..well, sucked. I'm not engaged yet, but I plan on going to pre-marital counseling with a therapist before I get married.

**Mutley** · June 2010

Ugh. I am sorry you had a bad experience at Pre-Cana. It definitely varies greatly between Church and diocese.

NFP is NOT going to help you get pregnant. Charting WILL help you. They are very different. NFP assumes that every woman has a 28 day cycle and that you ovulate around day 14. Charting will help you to know how to look at every cyle as its own entity. Yes, many women have regular cycles but they can vary in length and there are many different things that can affect your cycle. I am a firm believer in the book Taking Charge of Your Fertility, and I believe that every woman should read it, regardless of their desire to conceive or not.

If I had been following NFP, I am not sure that I would be pregnant right now. I stopped birth control 6 months before our wedding and started charting then. I also started taking pre-natals vitamins at that point. You want your folic acid to be at a healthy level when you get pregnant due to formation of the neural tube.

If you have any questions, ask away.

honeybee724 · June 2010

I'm sorry it wasn't what you hoped it would be. Ours wasn't either. We attended "Special" Pre-Cana- supposedly specifically geared towards couples who had been married before, had children, or were cohabitating. And they spent probably the first 30 minutes preaching about how living in sin was bas. I kind of tuned them out at that point. The NFP thing just made me angry. Our coordinator sat there telling everyone how almost everyone she knows has gotten pregnant on birth control but she doesn't know of anyone who has using NFP.
We were terribly unimpressed and ended up drinking during our lunch break to make it seem better.
On the bright side, our FOCCUS survey review with our priest went really well.
My friend's mom is a Pre-Cana coordinator and was horrified when she heard how ours went.

KD+BC · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_pre-canahuge-disappointment-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:6faf163e-c27f-4b7a-8329-dee1623f0053Post:62c22db6-a414-460c-8881-9272e1aa5e79">Re: Pre-Cana...huge disappointment... (long)</a>:
[QUOTE]Ugh. I am sorry you had a bad experience at Pre-Cana. It definitely varies greatly between Church and diocese. NFP is NOT going to help you get pregnant. Charting WILL help you. They are very different. NFP assumes that every woman has a 28 day cycle and that you ovulate around day 14. Charting will help you to know how to look at every cyle as its own entity. Yes, many women have regular cycles but they can vary in length and there are many different things that can affect your cycle. I am a firm believer in the book Taking Charge of Your Fertility, and I believe that every woman should read it, regardless of their desire to conceive or not. If I had been following NFP, I am not sure that I would be pregnant right now. I stopped birth control 6 months before our wedding and started charting then. I also started taking pre-natals vitamins at that point. You want your folic acid to be at a healthy level when you get pregnant due to formation of the neural tube. If you have any questions, ask away. :)
Posted by **Mutley**[/QUOTE]

Thanks for the clarification Mutley! I think I'll definitely look into that book ASAP.

Pre-Cana...huge disappointment... (long)

Re: Pre-Cana...huge disappointment... (long)

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