Wedding Etiquette Forum
Options

Sister now planning dream wedding.

So I will preface this by saying I am not engaged. I was in a long term relationship with a man I planned on marrying up until I ended it a year ago. Could not be happier with that decision. Now the problem is, when I was with him, I  planned what I would want for a wedding. I am from Cape Breton, NS and decided that if I was ever to get married it would be on the Tall Ships in Halifax, NS. After we broke up I knew that if I ever got married though that is still the only thing I wanted to do.  My sister just got engaged in February, and yesterday when she picked me up from the airport we were talking about her upcoming wedding plans, she wants a fall weddding in 2013. She said " Oh I thought of you when I mentioned this to "fiance's name" we might get married on the tall ships. My thought were OF COURSE YOU THOUGHT OF ME THAT IS MY DREAM WEDDING!! She then asked a couple minutes later, " Can you imagine getting getting maried on a ship with a 9 piece band playing, how amazing would that be" Yeah, I can imagine, I have been imaging it for years!! This is not her only option for her planning, but she had decided it is a contender. Do I have any right to say this bothers me and really pisses me off. In the car I did say, oh well what am I going to do if I get married. She said, oh you can just do it as well. I don't feel that I would feel comfortable doing the same thing as my younger sister, when it was what I had always wanted.  She is my best friend in the entire world, and I realy want her to be happy. What if I never get married and I say something and neither of us gets to do it, or I say something and she gets angry at me for wanting her to potentially changing her plans. I know that if it came down to it, I would rather have our relationship than my dream wedding, but I just don't know how to handle this situation.  
«1

Re: Sister now planning dream wedding.

  • Options
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_sister-now-planning-my-dream-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:c3994135-d4d8-404d-a0a7-a73fad12312aPost:caa939dd-143c-4210-bbfe-ee420cb793b2">Sister now planning my dream wedding.</a>:
    [QUOTE]So I will preface this by saying I am not engaged. I was in a long term relationship with a man I planned on marrying up until I ended it a year ago. Could not be happier with that decision. Now the problem is, when I was with him, I  planned what I would want for a wedding. I am from Cape Breton, NS and decided that if I was ever to get married it would be on the Tall Ships in Halifax, NS. After we broke up I knew that if I ever got married though that is still the only thing I wanted to do.  My sister just got engaged in February, and yesterday when she picked me up from the airport we were talking about her upcoming wedding plans, she wants a fall weddding in 2013. She said " Oh I thought of you when I mentioned this to "fiance's name" we might get married on the tall ships. My thought were OF COURSE YOU THOUGHT OF ME THAT IS MY DREAM WEDDING!! She then asked a couple minutes later, " Can you imagine getting getting maried on a ship with a 9 piece band playing, how amazing would that be" Yeah, I can imagine, I have been imaging it for years!! This is not her only option for her planning, but she had decided it is a contender. <strong> Do I have any right to say this bothers me and really pisses me off.</strong> In the car I did say, oh well what am I going to do if I get married. She said, oh you can just do it as well. I don't feel that I would feel comfortable doing the same thing as my younger sister, when it was what I had always wanted.  She is my best friend in the entire world, and I realy want her to be happy. What if I never get married and I say something and neither of us gets to do it, or I say something and she gets angry at me for wanting her to potentially changing her plans. I know that if it came down to it, I would rather have our relationship than my dream wedding, but I just don't know how to handle this situation.  
    Posted by sammyoto[/QUOTE]

    Answer to bolded: Nope. Maybe it was her dream too!!!
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Options
    When I was planning my wedding, my sister (who did not have a boyfriend at the time) kept accusing me of stealing her wedding, her ideas, etc.  Which mainly involved the color scheme fo the flowers and bridesmaids' dresses.  And it really sucked.  You don't have a moratorium on places to get married, venues, colors, etc.  Just because she gets married there, doesn't mean that you can't, too.  You have no right to make her feel badly because she apparently had the same dream wedding that you did.
    image

    Books read in 2012: 21/50

    AlternaTickers - Cool, free Web tickers

  • Options
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_sister-now-planning-my-dream-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:c3994135-d4d8-404d-a0a7-a73fad12312aPost:caa939dd-143c-4210-bbfe-ee420cb793b2">Sister now planning my dream wedding.</a>:
    [QUOTE]So I will preface this by saying I am not engaged. I was in a long term relationship with a man I planned on marrying up until I ended it a year ago. Could not be happier with that decision. Now the problem is, when I was with him, I  planned what I would want for a wedding. I am from Cape Breton, NS and decided that if I was ever to get married it would be on the Tall Ships in Halifax, NS. After we broke up I knew that if I ever got married though that is still the only thing I wanted to do.  My sister just got engaged in February, and yesterday when she picked me up from the airport we were talking about her upcoming wedding plans, she wants a fall weddding in 2013. She said " Oh I thought of you when I mentioned this to "fiance's name" we might get married on the tall ships. My thought were OF COURSE YOU THOUGHT OF ME THAT IS MY DREAM WEDDING!! She then asked a couple minutes later, " Can you imagine getting getting maried on a ship with a 9 piece band playing, how amazing would that be" Yeah, I can imagine, I have been imaging it for years!! This is not her only option for her planning, but she had decided it is a contender.  Do I have any right to say this bothers me and really pisses me off. In the car I did say, oh well what am I going to do if I get married. She said, oh you can just do it as well. I don't feel that I would feel comfortable doing the same thing as my younger sister, when it was what I had always wanted.  She is my best friend in the entire world, and I realy want her to be happy. What if I never get married and I say something and neither of us gets to do it, or I say something and she gets angry at me for wanting her to potentially changing her plans. I know that if it came down to it,<strong> I would rather have our relationship than my dream wedding,</strong> but I just don't know how to handle this situation.  
    Posted by sammyoto[/QUOTE]

    Well there you go.  Don't say anything to her.  There's no reason that you can't still get married there when the time comes.  Your weddings can be completely different from each other even if they're held in the same place.  If you don't want her to "steal" anymore of your ideas, just don't tell them to her. 
    image
    AlternaTickers - Cool, free Web tickers
    "Halloween may have loose women scantily clad...
    But Christmas has a pregnant virgin.

    Way cooler." - anna.oskar
  • Options
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_sister-now-planning-my-dream-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:c3994135-d4d8-404d-a0a7-a73fad12312aPost:caa939dd-143c-4210-bbfe-ee420cb793b2">Sister now planning my dream wedding.</a>:
    [QUOTE]. I know that if it came down to it, I would rather have our relationship than my dream wedding, but I just don't know how to handle this situation.  
    Posted by sammyoto[/QUOTE]

    1). You vent on here about it.
    2) You get over it.
    Since you've already got step 1 covered, you're half way there!
  • Options
    You aren't even engaged.  I don't get why this is a problem.  Who cares if years down the line you get married where your sister once got married? 
    image
  • Options
    Who cares?  When you find Mr. Right you can still have your dream wedding too...
    PersonalMilestone Daisypath Anniversary tickers image
  • Options
    Yes, it may have been her dream wedding too, but I doubt it, especially since I planned almost the same wedding 2 years ago, but mine never happened, because we broke up instead of getting married. 

    Yes, of course I want her to be happy and have everything she wants. I just to vent. 
  • Options
    When my oldest sister married for the first time, I was in high school.  I did alot of shopping/planning with her, and would comment from time to time "when I get married, I will do this/have this color scheme", blah, blah, blah.  Almost everything I mentioned in passing became part of her wedding.  I never once thought she was stealing anything from me. 

    Tastes and ideas change over time, especially when it comes to wedding planning.  I would not worry about it.  You and your sister are not the first people to dream of getting married at the Tall Ships, and you will not be the last.  '

    Let her enjoy the planning time, support and encourage her, and above all, take notes and learn from her mistakes so you know what to avoid when your wedding planning time comes.
    Anniversary
  • Options
    hoffsehoffse member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    Venting isn't a problem but you really need to get over it.  Honestly, I feel like the "dream" wedding often involves so much stress that it's good to be open to other ideas when the time comes.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Options
    I think it is normal to feel the way you do, and I don't think you sound "very bitter and jealous." That said, I agree that you don't have a right to confront her about it.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Options
    No, I am not extremely jealous and bitter. I could not be happier for her. I was just so surpised when she mentioned it that it has taken me off guard. 

    She is my closest and most important person in my life, and I have been supportive and encouraging. She also has a new baby so I took a month off work, and came to help her out with everything so she can get naps while I do things around the house and not be stressed. 

    I am not a catty individual and am pretty laid back, I'm sure I will get over this quickly. 
    Like I said before, I was just taken by surprise. 
  • Options
    I joined this site so that I could help her in every way I could with planning her wedding. 
  • Options
    Just because you two like the same things when it comes to weddings does not mean it's the end of the world.  It sounds like you're slightly mad that she's getting married and you aren't, especially when you'd had everything planned out with the guy and then it didn't work out.  Your tastes may change between when she gets married and when you find Mr. Right.  Don't stress.  If your relationship with your sister really is as important as you say it is, then don't mention anything to her.  Let her do what she wants.  It's her day.  You should be happy for her.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker PersonalMilestone
  • Options
    If it was me, and my sister was my best friend, I would have no problem having my sister talk it out with me. Not accuse, of course, but let me know how she felt and that she wants me to be happy, but that it has been her dream wedding, etc. I think you should talk to her. Delicately!
    photo JamieMasonWedding-8992-S.jpg
  • Options
    Yes, obviously from the respose of all the people who have posted I will not be saying anything to her. I just had a question.
    I am certainly not mad she is getting married and I am not.I am happier single now than I was when I was in my relationship.  
    She is my younger sister and all I have ever wanted was for her to be happy and she has a man that treats like gold.

  • Options
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_sister-now-planning-my-dream-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:c3994135-d4d8-404d-a0a7-a73fad12312aPost:b6a126e3-5baf-498d-bfbb-3f32a74d2005">Re: Sister now planning my dream wedding.</a>:
    [QUOTE]No, I am not extremely jealous and bitter. I could not be happier for her. I was just so surpised when she mentioned it that it has taken me off guard.  She is my closest and most important person in my life, and I have been supportive and encouraging. She also has a new baby so I took a month off work, and came to help her out with everything so she can get naps while I do things around the house and not be stressed.  I am not a catty individual and am pretty laid back, I'm sure I will get over this quickly.  Like I said before, I was just taken by surprise. 
    Posted by sammyoto[/QUOTE]

    And it's highly likely when your time comes you will change your mind about what your dream wedding consists of. Different man, different wedding. You may not to 1) associate with the last guy and 2) you future FI may not have your dream. Let it go and let her have her day.

    When your time comes she'll be there to realize your dream. Things change.
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic
  • Options
    If anything, I would take it as a compliment.  Your sister obviously really looks up to you and values your opinion.  Knowing how you valued the venue made it seem even better in her mind.   As someone who has two younger sisters, I always am flattered when they want the same things as me.   Just shows they have great taste - :)  Haha.  Anyways, I would just support your sister on the day and someday you can do the same thing or who knows, dreams change.  At the end of the day, it's not about where it is but who is there.  I would focus on just being there for your sister right now and helping her plan her dream wedding, even if she does use you as a resource for ideas!
    image
  • Options
    I've been with BF for 9 years. 2 years ago his little sis had 'my' dream wedding- Venue I always wanted and my favorite colors as her scheme. Sure it was a little off putting at first, but then It was like getting to go to a 'dry run'. I saw things for a guest perspective, saw things I would changes, ways to do it differently and got hear what BF thought about it all. Then I stopped caring and let it go.

     I realized that having a 'dream wedding' without being engaged is something little girls do. Grown women shut up and enjoy the open bar.  



    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Options
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_sister-now-planning-my-dream-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c3994135-d4d8-404d-a0a7-a73fad12312aPost:75deb996-ba5d-4dad-a675-e9f74964d9dd">Re: Sister now planning my dream wedding.</a>:
    [QUOTE]I've been with BF for 9 years. 2 years ago his little sis had 'my' dream wedding- Venue I always wanted and my favorite colors as her scheme. Sure it was a little off putting at first, but then It was like getting to go to a 'dry run'. I saw things for a guest perspective, saw things I would changes, ways to do it differently and got hear what BF thought about it all. Then I stopped caring and let it go. <strong> I realized that having a 'dream wedding' without being engaged is something little girls do. Grown women shut up and enjoy the open bar.</strong>  
    Posted by lennonkdc[/QUOTE]

    <div>I feel like lots of you have given some good advice and been helpful and some of you have made me feel like a bad person for having feelings.</div><div>I came on here to get advice and not to be berated. I am taking the advice and will think twice about asking a question again. </div>
  • Options
    pkontkpkontk member
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_sister-now-planning-my-dream-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c3994135-d4d8-404d-a0a7-a73fad12312aPost:75deb996-ba5d-4dad-a675-e9f74964d9dd">Re: Sister now planning my dream wedding.</a>:
    [QUOTE]I've been with BF for 9 years. 2 years ago his little sis had 'my' dream wedding- Venue I always wanted and my favorite colors as her scheme. Sure it was a little off putting at first, but then It was like getting to go to a 'dry run'. I saw things for a guest perspective, saw things I would changes, ways to do it differently and got hear what BF thought about it all. Then I stopped caring and let it go.  I realized that having a 'dream wedding' without being engaged is something little girls do.<strong> Grown women shut up and enjoy the open ba</strong>r.  
    Posted by lennonkdc[/QUOTE]

    I love that.

    OP, I'm glad that you're getting it out here and not sharing your annoyance with your sister.  Yes, if you do decide to have your wedding at the same venue once you meet your future husband, maybe people will remember that your sister's wedding was there as well.  But they certainly won't remember if she had the same flower, color scheme, or bridesmaid dress.  And I'm sure that you'll add other unique touches that are special to you and your future FI.
  • Options
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_sister-now-planning-my-dream-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:c3994135-d4d8-404d-a0a7-a73fad12312aPost:4eabda28-f358-4b36-bd2e-b920e7e9acf7">Re:Sister now planning my dream wedding.</a>:
    [QUOTE]If it was me, and my sister was my best friend, I would have no problem having my sister talk it out with me. Not accuse, of course, but let me know how she felt and that she wants me to be happy, but that it has been her dream wedding, etc. I think you should talk to her. Delicately!
    Posted by FutureMrsMDJahnke[/QUOTE]

    I agree with this! Only you know your relationship with your sister we don't. But if I had an older sister that felt like you did and on my wedding day she felt a little bummed. I would have wished she talked to me instead of keeping it bottled inside. You mentioned she has other wedding plans but this is one of her ideas. Maybe knowing how you feel will help her make a decision, maybe not.

    True best friends should be able to talk about anything IMO.
    Wedding date July 7, 2012
  • Options
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_sister-now-planning-my-dream-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c3994135-d4d8-404d-a0a7-a73fad12312aPost:8ba1b6b6-f00f-4ccd-8161-0f02b468e9dc">Re: Sister now planning my dream wedding.</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Sister now planning my dream wedding. : I feel like lots of you have given some good advice and been helpful and some of you have made me feel like a bad person for having feelings. I came on here to get advice and not to be berated. I am taking the advice and will think twice about asking a question again. 
    Posted by sammyoto[/QUOTE]
    This is the internet.  You don't get to pick and choose how people respond to you.  I'm sorry that you feel that people went out of their way to make you feel bad, but maybe you should look to your original post before you start pointing fingers.  You may not have intended for it to sound that way, but you came across as very entitled, thinking that you had a right to tell your sister that you're upset about her wedding plans.  If you hadn't come on here, and if you had just hauled off and told her, I think she would have been very upset, and rightfully so.  Would you rather have damaged your relationship with your sister? 
    image

    Books read in 2012: 21/50

    AlternaTickers - Cool, free Web tickers

  • Options
    If I hadn't come on here, I probably would never have said anything anyway, because I do value my relationship with her. 
  • Options
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_sister-now-planning-my-dream-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:c3994135-d4d8-404d-a0a7-a73fad12312aPost:75deb996-ba5d-4dad-a675-e9f74964d9dd">Re: Sister now planning my dream wedding.</a>:
    [QUOTE]I've been with BF for 9 years. 2 years ago his little sis had 'my' dream wedding- Venue I always wanted and my favorite colors as her scheme.<strong> Sure it was a little off putting at first, but then It was like getting to go to a 'dry run'. I saw things for a guest perspective, saw things I would changes, ways to do it differently and got hear what BF thought about it all.</strong> Then I stopped caring and let it go.  I realized that having a 'dream wedding' without being engaged is something little girls do. Grown women shut up and enjoy the open bar.  
    Posted by lennonkdc[/QUOTE]

    This is what I was thinking.  There are so many girls who say, "Oh, if I could do it all over again I would change ________."  It's like you get that chance with her getting married at your "dream venue."

    Plus it sounds like she's just fleshing out ideas right now.  She might not even go with that place.  I'm sorry that it didn't work out with the old guy, but I kind of don't think I'd want a "dream wedding" I'd dreamed of with someone other than my H.
    Anniversary

    image

    image

  • Options
    If your wedding is a dream and hers is REAL, sorry but first come first served
  • Options
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_sister-now-planning-my-dream-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c3994135-d4d8-404d-a0a7-a73fad12312aPost:8ba1b6b6-f00f-4ccd-8161-0f02b468e9dc">Re: Sister now planning my dream wedding.</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Sister now planning my dream wedding. : I feel like lots of you have given some good advice and been helpful and some of you have made me feel like a bad person for having feelings. I came on here to get advice and not to be berated. I am taking the advice and will think twice about asking a question again. 
    Posted by sammyoto[/QUOTE]
    It's hard to hear that you're acting like a child, and I imagine it's unpleasant. I would hardly classify anything anyone said to you as being "berated," though. In fact, comparatively speaking, you got off scot free. 
    image
    Whatever you hatters be hattin. -Tay Prince
  • Options

    OP, there is no reason to get defensive.  As you were sharing your honest feelings, so are we as best we can without knowing you personally.  I can understand feeling bummed because who doesn't want their dreams to become reality, but right not that is all it is for you - just a dream.   At the end of the day it is just a venue.  You did sound a little bit as though your sister were stealing your wedding from you (a la the movie 27 dresses, but hopefully your younger sister is not as bratty as the girl in that movie!) 

    image
  • Options
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_sister-now-planning-my-dream-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c3994135-d4d8-404d-a0a7-a73fad12312aPost:4f420312-61cd-421e-a6c0-fc5c8173400e">Re: Sister now planning my dream wedding.</a>:
    [QUOTE]I really don't get this idea that if one person does something at their wedding, no one else who knows them can do it.  If she was planning to get married in the family church and THAT was your dream wedding, would you be freaking out over it? I think being upset over songs and color schemes is bad enough, but now siblings can't even pick the same location that their single siblings who are nowhere near even getting engaged might want to use years later?  Sorry, not trying to be a diick, but it's true. Your tastes might change between now and then.  The guy you end up marrying may have a paralyzing fear of boats and water.  Or you might end up having your wedding right where you want it.  Either way, it's completely silly to think that you have a monopoly on a wedding location.  If you were in the middle of planning your wedding and it was just a few months before or after your sister's, I would say your irritation is understandable, even though I would still say you didn't have a right to tell her she can't get married there.  But not even being in a relationship?  There is honestly zero reason for you to be upset aside from sheer jealousy.  That's a legitimate and understandable emotion to have, but it's pretty much never a good idea to act on it in any way.
    Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]<div>Hi. I'm happy to see you posting 'round these parts :) 

    </div>
    image
    Whatever you hatters be hattin. -Tay Prince
  • Options
    What your dream wedding is now, may not be what your future husband wants.  Just remember that.  Each person should get a say in how their wedding is planned.  What if your future husband went to a wedding at Tall Ships and didn't like it?  Would you just disregard his feeling because its your dream wedding and it must come to pass?

    Be supportive of your sister.  And as a PP said, think of her wedding as a potential dry run.
  • Options
    aragx6aragx6 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    Maybe when you find a man you want to marry you won't be able to do this idea anyway. Because he's afraid of water. Or allergic to boats.
    Lizzie
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards