Identity issue

nordke · April 2011

Anyone else struggling/struggled with getting used to the idea of having a different last name after getting married? Don't get me wrong, I am very excited to have my FI last name, and couldn't imagine it any other way (including hyphenating our last names), but I do have to say I have a bit of anxiety over knowing that I will no longer be the "same person" that I've been all my life. I'm actually quite surprised that I am feeling this way given the kind of go-with-the-flow person that I am, but just curious of others are feeling this way too...

martiac225 · April 2011

Right here!!
I'm in total denial about having to change my name. Quite honestly, I don't want to change it. I love my last name and am not crazy about his, but he said this was a must for him. So slowly (very slowly), but surely I'll change...just don't wanna!! lol
I did keep my last name as a second middle name when we went to get our marriage license.

andielizabeth · April 2011

Same here. I love the way my name sounds all together and not sure his really goes with my first & middle. But like PP, this was something he really wanted. (I didn't think of keeping mine as a second middle name). One thing I am looking forward to is not having to spell mine out to everyone. Its really long and to me its very easy to spell if you sound it out but everyone always messes it up. His is shorter & easier. I think by the time I go change it, it wont bother me too much.

kaylas16 · April 2011

Umm I TOTALLY feel the same way. FI doesn't get it at all. He says "Everyone does it" Well no Tory not EVERYONE does, most people yes... I am going to do it and wouldn't have it any other way once I was married, but it totally feels weird knowing that I will no longer have the same name. That is like the one thing that hasn't changed in life since birth!

khornbach · April 2011

I'm not changing my last name. I am the person that my name is, not someone else and I want to stay that way. Also I'll be one of 2 people in my generation with my name. I'm proud of my name and want to keep it. FI was fine with this while we're dating, now he's a little upset, said its easier if we have the last name. I offered he could take my last name. He gave up there.

shan87 · April 2011

Right after we got engaged, I was all for it.. then my Dad passed away and I wanted to hang on to it... then I got excited to be part of his family... then when the paperwork came I wasn't a fan anymore LoL

In the end, I like that it connects us.

maybe984 · April 2011

I was conflicted about it too, and 6 months after the wedding, still struggle with getting used to a new last name.... but all in all.... it is a tradition I believe in, so I did it.

It was funny, though... I had always planned on keeping my last name and turning it into my middle name, but had a last minute panic attack and decided to keep all of it because I couldn't part with my middle name either (it's my paternal great-great-great grandmother's maiden name and has been used as a middle name at least once per generation in my family since). This, of course, gave me the longest legal name EVER, since I have a dual first name, MaryBeth. Yep. That makes me "MaryBeth MiddleName MaidenName MarriedName". 24 letters total. I joke that I need a few advanced degrees and clinical licensures so I can bump that up into the 30-40 letter range ;-)

KateJ10 · April 2011

haha I actually am looking forward to changing mine. it will be shorter and it is a nice easy name. My name now, is classic but it is spelled weird. So maybe I am just lazy

esunada · April 2011

At first I was like no big deal, now as the date gets closer, I'm a little sad. I'm the only kid in the family with my last name and I don't particularly like my future hubbies last name either. But, sharing the last name is a lot easier, our kids will likely take his last name, so I don't want to be the oddball out, haha and in a way it connect us as a unit.

Rebecca7911 · April 2011

I am actually really looking forward to changing my name. I think it will be weird at first but I can't wait!

EmilyCMN · April 2011

I think it will be a huge adjustment because I have always had a very common simple name that does not require spelling out to everyone you talk to. Now I will have no choice but to spell it out. I want to change it though because once we have kids I don't want to deal with the confusion of not sharing their last names. We are a pretty traditional couple though so we both would prefer to take his last name. He is the last boy to carry his family name through.

newlyseliski · April 2011

I will also miss my name a lot... especially since my family is all daughters, no one will likely be carrying it on. I'm excited to change mine, though... my fi's last name is a bit less common, so I'll be one of a few rather than one of thousands!

FutureMrsSheeler · April 2011

I am looking forward to changing my name. I love FI's last name. I will be sad that my heritage won't be known so prominently.. my last name starts with Mc, so most people know that is a very Irish last name. But, none the less, I am excited to change my name.

brink131 · April 2011

I am definitely going to miss my last name, and it will be weird for a while, but I feel like it's just one of those things you do as a married couple sharing your lives. I was actually just practicing signing my soon-to-be new name the other night. Anyone else practice writing out theirs?

ogrady88 · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_minnesota-minneapolis-st-paul_identity-issue?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:81Discussion:b344d01e-9421-4af5-8b83-755b8af76ec3Post:b2f0ad19-06c0-4da3-96f4-eefcce1c83cc">Re: Identity issue</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm not changing my last name. I am the person that my name is, not someone else and I want to stay that way. Also I'll be one of 2 people in my generation with my name. I'm proud of my name and want to keep it. FI was fine with this while we're dating, now he's a little upset, said its easier if we have the last name.<strong> I offered he could take my last name. He gave up there.
</strong>Posted by khornbach[/QUOTE]

Love it! I change my mind daily on this. Right now, I'm leaning towards moving my last name and having two middle names.

musicalsunlight · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_minnesota-minneapolis-st-paul_identity-issue?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:81Discussion:b344d01e-9421-4af5-8b83-755b8af76ec3Post:758141bb-2b7d-4583-9b0a-2c480e40494c">Re: Identity issue</a>:
[QUOTE]I am definitely going to miss my last name, and it will be weird for a while, but I feel like it's just one of those things you do as a married couple sharing your lives. I was actually just practicing signing my soon-to-be new name the other night. Anyone else practice writing out theirs?
Posted by brink131[/QUOTE]

Haha I practice signing mine all the time. ;) The thing is though, my signature is so sloppy that all I have to do is change the first letter of the last name and make the rest squiggles as I usually do. :P haha.

quincygirl77 · April 2011

I totally understand all the reasons for wanting to share a name and I really never viewed myself as a "keeper" on this front. However, at this stage of my life I feel it is part of my professional identity and I'm just not ready to give that up. Plus, his name has a harsher sound to it and in my line of work I think a "gentle" sounding last name can't be a bad thing!

I got really lucky though as it doesn't seem to bother him!

jenn920 · April 2011

I am looking forward to changing mine! I like FI's last name - and I like mine too - but I am excited to start our new life together and taking his name is very symbolic of that for me. I also think its hard for (future) kids when their parents have different last names... people wonder if you're divorced, or what the deal is. For us, we wouldn't want our kids to have only one of our last names.

graysquirrel · April 2011

At first I thought that it would be really hard to get used to, but now I'm kind of excited about it. I do feel that I'm losing something sometimes, but I'm gaining something as well. I feel like the married me will be a different person-- my identity will no longer be the single me, but the married me, who is one half of a whole. Practicing my new signature has helped a lot-- it gets me used to saying my new name in my head as well as on paper.

Bimbi284 · April 2011

YESSS!! I struggled with it so much that I accidentally (on purpose?) kind of delayed that whole process. I only got my new i.d. a couple of weeks ago, and my new passport just came yesterday. My wedding was in July,haha. I am Puerto Rican, so my last name says a whole lot about me! DH is of European descent, so changing my name to his really is hard for me, because in a way, it makes me feel like I am losing my heritage (most people already don't believe me when I say I am Puerto Rican, since I don't "look" like the "stereotypical" Puerto Rican, so I sometimes feel like I have more "proof" in my last name). I worked around this by making my maiden name my middle name, and then took his last name. I have my middle name on my id and passport completely spelled out.

In a way, the way I did it goes against my cultural tradition, in that the maiden name becomes sort of like the second last name, but it just didn't "flow" as well in my case, hehe.

drdifabio · April 2011

I still struggle with it some days and I have been married for 6 months!

I was and still am very attached to my last name and did end up moving it to become a second middle name. I have a lot of names now with 1 first, 2 middle and 1 last but I am really glad I kept it in there.

I talk to Joe A LOT about it all too and he ended up taking my name as a 2nd middle name as well. It was nice to know he changed his name too even though it wont be seen by the normal person since his last name is intact.

We have also talked about giving our kids my maiden name as their middle names too so that we will all share the same middle name as well but we will decide on that once we decide to start having kids.

emilykathleen511 · April 2011

I went back and forth forever as to whether or not I was going to change my name. I just knew I wouldn't be happy with either decision. So, I just decided to change it; that way, at least my fiance would be happy, since I wouldn't be happy either way! I am not really looking forward to it, but I know I would have reserves if I was keeping my name too, so I'm just going with it.

beka0404 · April 2011

I did not want to give up my unique last name - everyone with my last name is descended from the same person and it's a huge part of my identity. I had intended to make my very last name my middle name. The problem was that I blanked on it when I filled the marriage license paperwork. Doh! So now I'm just Firstname OldMiddlename Marriedname. Oddly, I don't feel like I've lost my identity at all. My friends still tease me and call me by my last name which makes me happy... As I've settled into married life it's been an easier transition than I expected (not saying my choice is for everyone though). My only irritation now is when people hear my last name and ask me "what ethnicity is that?", I say "Slovenian" they look at me with blank faces.

[Deleted User] · April 2011

Not me. For 2 reasons; A - it's shorter than my maiden name and B - I am traditional and want to be "The Smith Family" or whatever. We also have a son together already so I am glad to finally have the same name as him.

The only downfall is my new last name is not super easy to pronounce, most people get it wrong, but whatev.

I Want Cake · April 2011

The problem I'm having is that everyone assumes that I'm changing my last name to his, not hypenating it. SO many of our cards and checks were written to "Mr. and Mrs. B," which I honestly find disrespectful. I refuse to give up my own name, but am happy to add H's name, and that should be good enough. I just hate the assumtion that now I'm a "Mrs. Man-Name."

Identity issue

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