Community› Wedding Discussion Boards› Military Brides
Military Brides
New Discussion
Options

I need help

LissaBen7210LissaBen7210
First Comment
in Military Brides
Hi,
My name is Alissa and my wedding is in like 2 months. July 2nd. My fiance is in the military and it has gotten extremely hard these past months. All we do is fight and right now we are in such a huge fight that he is acting like he wants to call off the wedding....he is stressing cuz he doesn't have enough money for the honeymoon and he is getting delpoyed next March....What do I do? Please help..I'm so depressed. I need a military friend...

                                  Military Blues..Frown
Report Reply to Post

Re: I need help

  • Options
    ArmyBride2010ArmyBride2010 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    First off, try to relax and give both of you time to calm down.  I've been through a deployment before.  The fighting gets to be a little more "regular" because you are both stressed about it and the "what ifs" that come along with it.  If you've never been through one before, communication is very important.  As for the money thing...my wedding is less than 2 months away and it is a very stressful thing to think about.  My FI is in the National Guard and works construction and he's just started working 40 hrs again.  We still don't have everything for the reception paid for, but we have faith that it will all come together.  If you have to propone a honeymoon for the time being and take it before he deploys, then maybe that's an option.  It's not always the ideal option for all newly weds, but it's becoming more and more common nowadays. 

    Just remember...military relationships are tough and very unique.  There's a huge difference between regular couples and then us...and even more so with the loyal significant others and those who choose to cheat.  Be very thankful that you have almost a year together before deployment...because when my FI's deployment happened, we only have a 4 month advance notice.

    Good luck and stay strong!  Remember...behind every strong solider, there's an even stronger woman!

    Cassie
    Report Reply
  • Options
    kyrgyzstankyrgyzstan member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_need-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:cd06ebd7-7026-40c4-b1e5-75ba96f8addfPost:d65d9f96-9186-4c59-8d33-ea2666d81f14">Re: I need help</a>:
    [QUOTE]  Remember...behind every strong solider, there's an even stronger woman! Cassie
    Posted by ArmyBride2010[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>What about the women who serve? My friend Sam is a Soldier. She has a husband, but she was a great Soldier before she got married. Same with my friend who's a female Airman. I like their husbands, but I think they'd be just as amazing at serving their country if they were single. </div><div>
    </div><div>Lissa- How long have you guys been together? How old are you both, how long has he been in?

    </div>
    I hate Dave Ramsey
    Report Reply
  • Options
    ArmyBride2010ArmyBride2010 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    Pardon me, but in regards to the comment: "What about the women who serve?"...I have a sister whose in and she is an incredible solider.  My statement about "behind every strong solider"...comes from a sweatshirt I wore all the time during my FI's deployment.  It's just a statement to help pull people through tough times...not for ppl to get bent out of shape because of it being gender bias.

    Report Reply
  • Options
    Luke&Sam625Luke&Sam625
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    My FI and I BOTH serve. We go through tough times, where we fight every day for a week or two. He's a Marine with a sterotypical Marine temper, and there are days where he admits, that I probably couldn't do or say anything that would cheer him up. If he's stressed about money, postpone the honeymoon. I know thats terrible to think about but, it might work out better if you took it a little before he deploys. It's farther away so you can save up and it's be a great bonding experience before he goes away.  The fighting will stop, I promise. Just stick with him. Remember why he's your FI in the first place. I'm a strong beliver that men have pms, just like we do, and Thats probably all it is. Good Luck!!
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    Report Reply
  • Options
    billman2billman2 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    If you don't have the money you can wait to take a honeymoon.  We did have the money but were not able to take a honeymoon because DH had to be back at his duty station 3 days after our wedding, which meant we spent the day after packign up the last of my stuf and then moving 500 miles.  In addtion, between post deployment leave, then his best friend's funeral and then our wedding he ran out of leave so it's a good thing we didn't plan a honeymoon.

    We had planned on taking one this year for our one year anniversary, but his deployment got moved up and it looks like that's not going to happen either.

    I was upset at first about not being able to take a honeymoon, but when you compare it to all the other great things about being married it's really a small little thing. 

    THe biggest part of a marriage IMO --especially when deployments are involved is communication and learning to pick your battles.  Your stressed and so is your fi.  Just try to relax, take a step back, and look at the big picture.
    Report Reply
  • Options
    LissaBen7210LissaBen7210
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Thank you so much for your post. It is very hard to be an Army wife...or an military...I don't have anyone else to talk to about thesee things. My friends and family have no idea how this feels or what I go through. It's the hardest thing I have had to do. We only dated for 2 week before he left for his home base in Hawaii. He's been there ever since. We had a phone relationship for 10 1/2 months before I flew out to Hawaii and we got engaged. I have seen him 3 times in the almost 2 years we have been together. I will see him the fourth time at our wedding. I need a good Millitay friend. It's really hard. Thank you so much.
    Report Reply
  • Options
    LissaBen7210LissaBen7210
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Hey,
    My friends call me Lissa lol thats so crazy lol...Um..well Our wedding is July 2nd. We have been together for a year and 7 months. Of which we have seen each other 3 times. I am 19 Almost 20 and he is 21. We do ok but it's not an easy life. It's hard being in a military relationship it either makes you or breaks you.
    Report Reply
  • Options
    LissaBen7210LissaBen7210
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    haha..thank you so much for your post. I know all about Marine tempers...I have a friend how is a Marine. My fiance is in the Army...We do fight a lot and I notcied it was when we got closer to the wedding. PLus we both just want to see each other. I told him about waiting to go and he said he wants to do it after the wedding right away. Don't ask me why....He's a pill....Yeah I am a strong believer that they have psm too lol...i say that to my fiance and he doesn't think so....I hope the fighting will stop...We get along GREAT when we are together...
    Report Reply
  • Options
    LissaBen7210LissaBen7210
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Thank you...Yeah I'm not looking forward to him being deployed...I'm a worrier and a stressor...I hope he is going to be okay...I have repsect for him and every other soldier for serving our country. I could never do it and so I am glad other people can and do. I hope everything will turn out fine..it's nice to have other military wives to talk to..not many people know what we go through you know? Thank you so much! And I hope you husband is safe while he deploys and I'm sorry about your honeymoon.
    Report Reply
  • Options
    amylydia23amylydia23
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Lissa- where is your FI stationed?  Maybe after the wedding you can get involved with the FRG (Family Readiness Group).  You can meet a lot of people who are going through the exact same thing you are.  It's tough being around family and friends who dont understand.  I've been there and done that and its not easy but you will get through it.

    Maybe you could try to convince him to hold off on the honeymoon and do it after his deployment.  It would be a great break for the both of you and a nice way to reunite after a long stressful deployment.  At that point you would probably be more finacially stable and not have to worry about spending money while you are supposed to be relaxing.  Just a thought :)
    Report Reply
  • Options
    jessiimae22jessiimae22
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Calm down ! It will alll be okay, just give eachother some space. The last few months are hard. As soon as he gets back everything will be okay though, dont stress . it will make everything worse, find the little things that matter to youj & it will help!
    IAmPregnant Ticker image
    Report Reply
  • Options
    kyrgyzstankyrgyzstan member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_need-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:cd06ebd7-7026-40c4-b1e5-75ba96f8addfPost:c85f9021-b188-4815-b67f-a10a2186c1ed">Re: I need help</a>:
    [QUOTE]He's a Marine with a sterotypical Marine temper
    Posted by Luke&Sam625[/QUOTE]

    <div><img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-undecided.gif" border="0" alt="Undecided" title="Undecided" /></div><div>
    </div><div>Are you a Marine without a stereotypical Marine's temper?</div>
    I hate Dave Ramsey
    Report Reply
  • Options
    LissaBen7210LissaBen7210
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Thank you for you post...He is stationed in Hawaii..Schofield Barracks. It's an extremely hard situation that have I have found certain people just cannot do. I get asked all the time how I can do this type of relationship...it is hard yes but there are days when it's just fine. Like any other relationship. There will always be a gap though I think between military relationships and "regular" relationships. It's hard to find other military wives or girlfriends or anything. I would love to have some military friends. My fiance, Ben has already set me up with them I am just waiting for them to e-mail me.
    Report Reply
  • Options
    LissaBen7210LissaBen7210
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Thank you...I'm sure your right. I come from a very stressed out family and my mom has paased her stress and worrying on to me. Not good..I have a lot of problems with stress..
    Report Reply
  • Options
    kyrgyzstankyrgyzstan member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_need-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:cd06ebd7-7026-40c4-b1e5-75ba96f8addfPost:23ff2a75-7430-4179-99a1-d7f4b2e6073b">Re: I need help</a>:
    [QUOTE]Pardon me, but in regards to the comment: "What about the women who serve?"...I have a sister whose in and she is an incredible solider.  My statement about "behind every strong solider"...comes from a sweatshirt I wore all the time during my FI's deployment.  It's just a statement to help pull people through tough times...not for ppl to get bent out of shape because of it being gender bias.
    Posted by ArmyBride2010[/QUOTE]

    <div>
    </div><div>I simply think it's ludicrous to insinuate that the things you do are harder than the things deployed service members do. And pulling things off t-shirts is probably a bad way to get a life motto. </div><div>
    </div><div>Even though ones like this are both good and true. <img src="http://media.80stees.com/images/extraLarge/TOPGN060_LG1.jpg" alt="" /></div>
    I hate Dave Ramsey
    Report Reply
  • Options
    MandyBrownNoserMandyBrownNoser member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    You have been in the same location three times?  And you are getting married?  Three times?
    Sorry but this has disaster written all over it. 
    Fuuck TTC - I'm moving on.
    imageimageimageimage
    image
    "It's a child, not a cheeto" Thanks mmariluh!
    "Ew. I've read all of two posts from you, and you stink like rotting garbage."
    Report Reply
  • Options
    vlewis84vlewis84
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Agreed with MandyBrownNoser

    Edited to add, we were just talking about this at work today. The term "Starter Wife" comes to mind.
     
    Report Reply
  • Options
    kyrgyzstankyrgyzstan member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_need-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:cd06ebd7-7026-40c4-b1e5-75ba96f8addfPost:759735ea-bf10-48cd-a296-c47d0a38dc80">Re: I need help</a>:
    [QUOTE]Thank you so much for your post. It is very hard to be an Army wife...or an military...I don't have anyone else to talk to about thesee things. My friends and family have no idea how this feels or what I go through. It's the hardest thing I have had to do. We only dated for 2 week before he left for his home base in Hawaii. He's been there ever since. We had a phone relationship for 10 1/2 months before I flew out to Hawaii and we got engaged. I have seen him 3 times in the almost 2 years we have been together. I will see him the fourth time at our wedding. I need a good Millitay friend. It's really hard. Thank you so much.
    Posted by LissaBen7210[/QUOTE]

    <div>Have you thought about moving to Hawaii, living together for a while before you get married? You've barely been together together. I'm not surprised there's fighting. Knowing each other on the phone isn't the same. I'm not saying break up, I'm saying slow down, get to know each other, and then get married, later. </div>
    I hate Dave Ramsey
    Report Reply
  • Options
    kass08kass08 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_need-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:cd06ebd7-7026-40c4-b1e5-75ba96f8addfPost:ca7c2004-5e2d-42e0-897c-e4b2ef2ccc0c">Re: I need help</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: I need help : What about the women who serve? My friend Sam is a Soldier. She has a husband, but she was a great Soldier before she got married. Same with my friend who's a female Airman. I like their husbands, but I think they'd be just as amazing at serving their country if they were single.  Lissa- How long have you guys been together? How old are you both, how long has he been in?
    Posted by WishIcouldbeinthe'stan[/QUOTE]

    Hi! I'm Sam.  Yes I was enlisted before I met MH and we're both enlisted now.  IT sucks.  So I'm going to give you your FIs POV since I've been there.  Knowing you have a deployment looming in the future is terrifying.  You don't want to leave friends, family, loved ones and you never know what to expect.  With that said I also want to remind you that you said he was deploying next March, that's almost a year away.  Do you know how many times missions and orders change?  I bet he hears he's going to 5 different places all at different times and will really have no idea what's going on until next year.  He may not even end up going. 

    Relax and focus on being together.  Don't worry about getting married right now, enjoy just being a couple. Why such the rush to get married?  To me it sounds like you guys just want to do it before he deploys.  Wrong answer.  You've only seen each other 3 times? Seriously? Have you ever LIVED together? Do it, wait to get married.  I tell you this b/c I've seen it happen, I've seen Soldiers run off and get hitched before we deployed and end up divorced by the time we come home or shortly there after.  I'm not saying you guys can't do it but it's HARD.  My husband and I were only together a year when he deployed, we got married but we both knew we could handle it b/c we've been through deployments before.  We knew what to expect and I'll tell you what, it didn't make reintegration ANY easier.  His first month home was the hardest month of our relationship by far.

    Ok, I'm done rambling.  Seriously think about this and maybe wait to get married.  Don't worry about the effing honeymoon.  We just went on ours after he came home, we'd been married over a year by that point, it doesn't matter. A honeymoon isn't a requirement. GL.
    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
    Report Reply
  • Options
    LissaBen7210LissaBen7210
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    We know each other to a T. I am positive about getting married thanks

    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards