Need help from other Christian brides-to-be

agape1cor813 · May 2010

I consider myself to be a Christian woman, but lately I've been having a bit of a crisis of faith, perhaps because of anxiety issues (which is a longer story than anyone cares to read here, and for reasons even I cannot explain), and I am questioning my ability to be a good wife, a Christian wife ...

What quality/qualities is it that makes a good Christian wife? How do I know if I have them? I love my fiance dearly, but sometimes I feel that because of my anxiety and insecurity that I don't bring anything good to the relationship.

fpaemp2011 · May 2010

The first quality is that you've accepted Christ as your savior and have surrendered your life to Him. It would be foolish for me to assume anything, as only God can know your heart. If you haven't taken this step, you can PM me if you wish, ask on here, or talk to your pastor. Another quality of a Christian wife is that she accepts her husband as the spiritual leader of the home. This can only be met if her husband has also accepted Christ as his savior and surrendered his life to Him. Accepting your husband as the spiritual leader brings submission with it. This is not meant to be a dictatorship.

Epehsians 5:22-30 (ESV): ^"22Wives, submit to your own husbands,as to the Lord. ²³For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, His body, and isHimself its Savior. ²⁴Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. ²⁵Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her, ²⁶that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the Word, ²⁷so that He might present the church to Himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. ²⁸In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. ²⁹For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, ³⁰because we are members of His body."

We had a relationship seminar this past semester, and the speaker went through this passage. The girls thought it was going to be another talk about submission, but he took a different approach. He talked about verse 25, where it commands husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. He said that this means our husbands are called to protect us and love us, and must be willing to die for us. We're called to repsect his leadership under the authority of God. I don't know about you, but if he's willing to die for me, I can at least respect his leadership.

Being a homemaker, homeschooler, etc, doesn't make you a good Christian wife. These are decisions that families need to make for themselves. You're both sinners saved by Grace, and that should be the focus of your marriage. Don't focus on trying to be perfect. Maybe you could try spending time with wives in your church that you look up to. I know of a church here that has an "Apples of Gold" program where they match up engaged/newlywed women in the church with older married women and they do Bible Studies, cook together, and just hang out. I hope that helps. Sorry if it doesn't.
~Emily

iamjoesgurl · May 2010

Wow - I love the response you've gotten and couldn't have said it better myself. There are days that I don't feel like I am a good Christian wife but that is not because of the way I interact with my husband, it is my need for a stronger relationship with Jesus Christ. Don't be too hard on yourself and definitely seek out the friendship of another mature Christian wife who can mentor you.

kkidd28 · May 2010

Fpa's response was very complete!

For me, being a Christian wife just comes from being a good Christian! One - knowing that Jesus, the son of God, died for my sins, and rose from the dead is the basis. No one said we would be perfect! Just that we would strive to be more Christlike. There will be ups and downs and we will try to handle them as Christians!

One thing I am focusing on is trying to spend more time with other couples with our values! Our church has a Marriage Enrichment Ministry and they do date nights etc. I think it helps to be around others in our shoes!

Just be prayerful and remember that God will not take you through more than you can bear!

sheyabelle · May 2010

I agree with all the ladies, I think being a good wife is being christ like and supporting your husband. Also being a good wife is having your own personal relationship with god, with having a relationship he will show u examples of being a good wife and having a successful marriage.

hope that helps

thatdrummerchic · June 2010

He is our strength! Anything good in us comes from Christ.
It's so humbling and refreshing to realize that Christ's grace is what holds us together, not what we do or don't do... He continues to use us and teach us when we least expect it! Even when we mess up, we can be reminded that the Lord is who/what/all we need, and He does work for the good of those He loves.

Glory to God.

skythe · June 2010

I had to post because I just had the same conversation with my mom! The only things I'll add to what others have said above was the first thing she said: that she focuses on the fruits of the spirit as her guide, both for being a good Christian, and specifically, a good Christian wife.

melissa_johns · June 2010

I would like to suggest Gary Thomas' book "Sacred Marriage" I haven't read all of it yet, but I went to a retreat where he spoke for 3 days. He has an amazing way of speaking truth without putting people down.
I too struggle with feelings of inadequacy. The last year I have felt like I needed my fiance to get through some tough stuff, and that I didn't bring much to the table. Accepting that life has seasons, and that sometimes one person will need more help than at other times. Remembering that God loves you, your future husband loves you and then remembering to love yourself. Also, many, many women (and probably men) suffer from anxiety, so don't be ashamed to seek help from a counselor/pastor/doctor.

RNShellyF · June 2010

I find Proverbs 31- Epilogue: The Wife of Noble Character inspiring and encouraging. It gives me something to strive towards

t.kaufman · June 2010

agape1cor813 - you should seek counseling. and don't be ashamed or embarrassed or whatever. people are available to help you with these feelings. you need to find your own worth so that you can get rid of your insecurities - and through this, you will bring much more to the relationship. and don't just go see your pastor - get someone who is trained and certified in counseling, which pastors are not.

everyone else - thanks for reminding me why I left the church. she does not need "help" in being told to submit to her husband - this just reinforces her insecure idea that she is worthless and her husband is great. I don't see how this is beneficial at all.

agape1cor813 · August 2010

@ t.kaufman - I am sorry that you are disillusioned with the Christian faith. My worth comes from Jesus, and I want Him to help me be a better wife to my future husband.

The pastor who is marrying us said marriage is kind of like a triangle with the husband and wife at the bottom corners and God at the top, and the close the couples are to God, the closer end up to each other.

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