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Vent about potential Pastor (kinda long)

KayleeC123KayleeC123
First Comment
in Washington-Seattle
FI and I went and met with our possible Pastor last night...First awkward situation...Meeting at his house. Now I use to go to this church and I ran the nursery. I was also baptized by him. He has 7 children. Our questionnaire we had to fill out prior to meeting was in one the kids Easter baskets on the mantel.....it says on the documents it's confidential....that doesn't seem to confidential to me.  He was 15 minutes late to our meeting. FI and I sat in (what I'm expecting to be) their formal family room and got stared down by said children. I understand with 7 kids things get messy! But this room was like trashed. 

When he finally got there, we started talking......

He just couldn't get off the fact that FI had been cut from his job and isn't working. We told him how it's been working (which is fine) and FI knew he had to get a job and he's been looking but the job market isn't the best right now. He also wants to call our parents and make sure they are okay with it.....uhm excuse me. If my mom & dad weren't okay with it why would they be letting him live here with us?! 

He said he wasn't going to poke & pry but highly doubt that. He said he just wanted to make sure we have a support net.....oh did I mention that we're living with my parents?! What more of a support net do you need to confirm?!?!?!  He also said that since he has daughters he's also seeing things through his 'dad' eyes as if I was his daughter.....I'm not and your family is completely opposite than mine is! He said he would want the future husband to be able to support his daughter. I told him it would be hard for FI to support me because I can't stand not working!!!

I guess it just bugs the crap out of me because he's married people (like 18-23) who've gotten pregnant prior to being married or where the guy is a total jerk to the girl. It's just frustrating. 

He made it sound like he wasn't going to marry us the whole time (1.5 hours) then as we were getting ready to leave was like "I'm so honored that you'd ask me to wed you and blah blah blah" Ending our conversation with "I'm sure we can get this to work out" I'm not sure what needed to be worked out (since he never told us...). He also said he wants us to interview 2 different couples who have "Awesome Marriages" and was going to give us a sheet to fill out.....which we never got. 

I have this feeling we'll be looking for a different route for someone to marry us....FI said he'd get ordained online! lol. 

Vent done.
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Re: Vent about potential Pastor (kinda long)

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    kducharmekducharme member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    wow...that is crazy!! I can't believe that! I wouldn't blame you if you looked elsewhere! I'm actually nervous to meet with my FI pastor he wants to marry us for the exact situation you went through! Good luck :) Let us know how everything goes!
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    jennlinjennlin member
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    edited December 2011
    my H and i are an awesome couple...want to interview us? :)  j/k..not really, though, since we are awesome! lol.

    interesting pastor...what is it exactly he has against you? other than your FI doesn't have a job....
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    saracksarack
    First Comment Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    um... NEXT! i think you definitely need to find a new guy.. that guy seems a little batty and VERY unprofessional with his house looking like a tornado went through it.. i just couldn't imagine waiting for him INSIDE his house with his brood staring us down! sorry you had such a bad experience. I really think you should look for some one else. SOme one who is overjoyed to marry you!
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    TygirljojoTygirljojo
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Umm...wow.  That's all I've got to say about that.  There definitely are other options, but remind FI that he has a slight more important role in the wedding than being the officiant. ;)
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    KayleeC123KayleeC123
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    haha yeah! It's our inside joke....one day I'll be the one getting ordained and the next he is! 

    Honestly I think it's because we are a younger couple (though maybe if we had a baby he'd marry us?! lol) He really made it all about FI not having a job and not supporting me. Which I stood up to him and was like "Even people with degrees are out of work! It's just a bad time to be trying to get a job!" It's just so annoying!!
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    TygirljojoTygirljojo
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    edited December 2011

    Well, glad you guys got that out of the way and can now move forward with trying to find a good, supportive officiant to marry you. :)

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    alyssa324alyssa324 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    wow that's crazy. I would defiantly not waste anymore time on him and look to the next. Also I am sure he does not support his family on a pastors income with 7!!! children.
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    angstocker22angstocker22
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Ditto Sara- NEXT is right! I don't know if you read my post (EEK... meeting pastor tonight) but we also meet with FMIL's pastor and it did not go well either. I did not go into detail like you have, but you had a worse experience than us & I am so sorry for that! But I do feel the same thing as you are going thru right now! Find someone else! What a waste of an evening (is what I felt)!

    You will find someone else. I am going to start searching on the TK referrals & tygirljojo referred someone too (see my previous post).

    Good luck!
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    jennuinnejennuinne member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Agree with all pp.  Wow.  Its 2010.  I work and support FI and I, FI works part-time and goes to school.  But, I probably will always be the main bread winner.  Most of my friends are in similar situations.  I don't need a man to take care of me.  That's not why we are getting married.  If you have a problem with that, I have a problem with you.
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    angstocker22angstocker22
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.weddings.com/Sites/Weddings/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_washington-seattle_vent-potential-pastor-kinda-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:104Discussion:3ccd6572-bee8-4e14-9fbc-d7d59c299eb2Post:4a358502-a7c0-447a-9ee8-d6af04e5bb3f"><u>Re: Vent about potential Pastor (kinda long)</u></a>:
    [QUOTE]  If you have a problem with that, I have a problem with you.
    Posted by jennuinne[/QUOTE]

    Hee hee I love it, nicely put!
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    kducharmekducharme member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Well and it's like I'm sure your FI loves not working and loves when people bring up that he lost his job! Ugh....people are so judgemental! I know how it feels and its annoying when people say things they know nothing about!
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    KST_KST_
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Wowza, that is so...weird! Obviously he's cut of the old conservative cloth? He must expect you to stay in the kitchen? I'm sorry, that's judgmental of me, but with seven kids and him harping on FI's employment status it seems likely.
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    KayleeC123KayleeC123
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_washington-seattle_vent-potential-pastor-kinda-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:104Discussion:3ccd6572-bee8-4e14-9fbc-d7d59c299eb2Post:4a358502-a7c0-447a-9ee8-d6af04e5bb3f">Re: Vent about potential Pastor (kinda long)</a>:
    [QUOTE]A.  I don't need a man to take care of me.  That's not why we are getting married.  If you have a problem with that, I have a problem with you.
    Posted by jennuinne[/QUOTE]


    ITA! This is how I felt. Sure FI could go get some crap-o job but I'll still be making more money than he does so it's almost a waste of time. Of course I'm totally jealous that he gets to hang out at home all day but I know he hates it and I really couldn't stand staying home allllllll day. It was such a huge like smack in the face....totally uncalled for. I think I'll email him and just let him know that we've decided to use a different route due to some clashing belifs.

    I'd also like to know how he supports a family of 7 and lives in a brand new (well 2 years old) Custom built giant home. Gah!

    I'm really glad I have you ladies to vent to!
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    TygirljojoTygirljojo
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Kaylee - when you do email or write him, I would leave out anything about his family.  Just keep on the high road. :)
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    KayleeC123KayleeC123
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Tygirljojo - I wasn't going to mention his family at all! Just how we've decided to go a different route due to different feelings/belifs a few topics.

    The whole supporting 7 kids was just me wondering.....
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    TygirljojoTygirljojo
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Lol, okay, just making sure. :)  Don't want to see you start a war with a pastor. :P  No, I get it - I can't help but wonder as well, but maybe he just comes from a rich family or something?  Don't know and can't judge.  And he really shouldn't have judged - that was completely uncalled for.  What is it with Knotties having the bad experiences with pastors this week?  Is the wine spiked with Judgement juice or something?
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    BrandyL10BrandyL10
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    I am so sorry! That is nuts. I can recommend A Heavenly Ceremony, they're a married couple Pat and Kent, both wonderful people. And they didn't grill FI and I one bit. They are very nice. If you want more details on them PM me and I can tell you all you need to know. Okay? Good luck! And not all of them are like that!!

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    angstocker22angstocker22
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Lol, Judgement juice! I hear ya though! Both in the same night! It was not a good night to meet with a Pastor I guess!
    Jolene- I took your advice & emailed that guy you mentioned. His name escapes me right now, but you know who I mean.

    :)
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    melissa82melissa82 member
    5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I'm sorry, that is crazy. I would have been really offended if a pastor wanted to call my parents!! I'm an adult, and fortunately this isn't 1930s Sicily!
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    Koolkay83Koolkay83 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    That sounds a bit over the top to ,e

    I am not sure if this is going to be helpful, but my fiancee and I are going to have a good friend of ours to marry us instead of a pastor.

    A good friend of the couple always works, they do not need to be ordained in the state of Washington.
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