A Catholic Priest in a Lutheran Wedding

katiebeth17 · November 2010

My finace was raised Catholic, and I am Lutheran. His mother would really like for us to be married in a Catholic Church, but that means I would have to convert - something I'm just not interested in doing. So his mother would like a priest to be present so the marriage is recognized by the Catholic church. How do I go about doing this? Is it as simple as calling up the local Catholic church? Does the priest take part in the ceremony? Any help would be appreciated!

SaraAndrew2010 · November 2010

You would not have to convert in order to be married in the Catholic church. Only one person has to be Catholic in order to have a Catholic wedding (although generally it is recommended that mixed-faith couples not do the full mass).

However, if it also perfectly acceptable for a Catholic to marry a non-Catholic in the non-Catholic's church. There is some paperwork (dispensation from the bishop) that you'll have to fill out and probably some pre-marriage classes that you'll have to take. It's also usually possible to have a priest take part in a wedding ceremony at the non-Catholics church. Your first step would be to talk to a priest at FI's church.

Also, this website is very helpful in learning about Catholic weddings.
http://catholicweddinghelp.com/questions/wedding-form-options.htm

katiebeth17 · November 2010

Thank you both for your guidance! It seems like it's a lot of work... so I'm going to figure out how to get around it

StageManager, my fiance has told his mother... many times. She's pretty much in denial. :P

GekkoK · November 2010

I was raised Catholic and my friends who went through this were told different things by different diocese... it's like the altar server thing where for some time some of the US RCCs had altar servers of both genders but others refused to let girls serve. You'll need to contact a local priest (or his family's pastor) and ask them.

I've seen Anointing of the Sick take place outside of a church, as well as the eucharist be given both at peoples' homes and in outdoor masses not held on sacred ground.

tldh · November 2010

You don't have to convert. Why doesn't your FI just ask this question of the priests in his parish?

DramaGeek · November 2010

Yeah, this is one of those things that is not universal in the Universal Church. For whatever reason, some priests/archbishops/parishes are more lenient than others. Your best bet is to call the parish where your Fi has ties and talk to them.

SaraAndrew2010 · November 2010

Stage, yes, I am Catholic. It's a common misperception that a Catholic can't marry a non-Catholic outside of the church. The church is actually fairly understanding of mixed-faith marriage these days. There can be a lot of paper work involved, but most diocese are fairly accommodating about the fact that the non-Catholic in a couple might want to be married in their own place of worship. I know one of my Catholic cousins married a Jewish woman at her synagogue with a priest present to give a blessing during the ceremony, so it is possible.

However, a key part of this is getting married in the place of worship of the non-Catholic. The church usually isn't understanding of a mixed-faith couple who wants to get married outdoors, for example. And when both people are Catholic the rules are stricter about having to get married in a Catholic church.

LauraT25 · November 2010

Sara - If the OP were able to get a Catholic priest to bless the marriage in a Lutheran church, would it still be considered a sacrament? Would the OP and her FI still have to agree to raise the children in the Catholic faith?

If it were simply a case of having a priest there to say a prayer to make her FI's mom happy, I might just let it go, but if they still need to go through the steps to make the sacrament official, and promise to raise their kids Catholic, I would definitely stand my ground since neither party is really interested in the Catholic faith.

OP: My MIL is also in denial. No matter how many times my husband tells her that he is not Catholic, it just doesn't compute. But we had the wedding we wanted, because we are adults and this was too big a concession to make. Once the decision was really made, she finally stopped making a fuss about it because she knew she couldn't change our minds. She still pretends that he's Catholic, but the wedding was at least drama-free in that regard.

Riss91 · November 2010

Just wanted to reaffirm (as another devout, practicing Catholic) that everything Sara has said is true. OP- I think your best bet is to have your FI speak to his priest to make sure you know everything required. Best of luck!

LauraT25 · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_catholic-priest-lutheran-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:5ecbe247-1357-4e99-82e3-3c57ac46d39ePost:c5025342-b948-4a18-8baf-6b47849dbadb">Re: A Catholic Priest in a Lutheran Wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]The non-Catholic party in a marriage never has to promise to raise their kids Catholic. The Catholic in the marriage must promise to make a concerted effort to ensure that the children are raised in the Catholic faith. The non-Catholic has to promise not to interfer with the Catholic's attempts to raise their children in the faith. So the OP wouldn't have to teach Catholicism to her children or promise not to talk about her own faith, but she shouldn't prevent her DH from taking the children to mass or act dismissively towards his faith.
Posted by SaraAndrew2010[/QUOTE]

Thanks for answering me. And I did know this, I just wasn't specific in my previous wording.

NJhousewife22 · November 2010

We were in a very similar situation (though it was my fiance who wanted to be married in the Catholic Church, his mom didn't care at all) and it took a LOT of phone calls (and an extremely helpful Knottie recommendation) but we were able to find a Catholic church that would marry us without making me convert or do classes (I'm Lutheran). You may have to dig a little, but you may be able to find a church in your area that will be a good compromise for everyone involved. Good luck!

phillychica85 · November 2010

Not anything new to add to the discussion, but I was in a similar situation. I was raised Presbyterian, DH was raised Catholic, although he is not a practicing Catholic whatsoever. His mom however is extremely devout and was quite upset about him not marrying in a Catholic church/with a Catholic ceremony (something neither he nor I wanted). The minister that officiated at our ceremony was Presbyterian and he mentioned the idea of having a priest be present at the ceremony to bless the rings, as a part of incorporating DH's religious upbringing into it. Something to consider doing in case you can't find exactly what you are looking for.

Good luck!

ootmother2 · December 2010

Yes, it can be done with the proper dispensation.

My brother was married in a Presbyterian church (his bride's home church) with a Catholic priest assisting. I don't really remember what part each officiant did though.

MyNameIsNot · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_catholic-priest-lutheran-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:5ecbe247-1357-4e99-82e3-3c57ac46d39ePost:e966bc2b-9d37-45fe-881d-2a22dfcf33f8">Re: A Catholic Priest in a Lutheran Wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]Thank you both for your guidance! It seems like it's a lot of work... so I'm going to figure out how to get around it :D StageManager, <strong>my fiance has told his mother... many times. She's pretty much in denial. :P</strong>
Posted by katiebeth17[/QUOTE]

<div>Looks to me like he needs to grow a pair.</div><div>
</div><div>He doesn't have to convince her, but to plan your wedding around her delusions is also not necessary. </div>

katiebeth17 · December 2010

He has a pair, thank you very much. I've seen them myself!

We've talked about it and we are just going to drop it in his mother's lap. She can do with it what she wants.

Phillychica85, I like the idea of the priest blessing the rings, I will bring that up at the next "Bridezilla meeting".

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