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Shabbat and sundown question

puresugaarpuresugaar member
First Anniversary First Comment
in Jewish Weddings
We are still in the very early stages of planning our wedding, but I am already stressing about pictures regarding sundown.  What is the norm?  We are looking at a November wedding where the ceremony would be outside overlooking the beach and the reception would be indoors.  In November the sunset is supposed to be around 5pm.  I really don't want to break tradition of the bride and groom seeing each other before the ceremony, but I'm not sure how else to do it so we're not all taking pictures in the dark since we're in this gorgeous location.  We are looking at Veteran's Day weekend where most people have Monday off, so my mom suggested having it on Sunday afternoon instead (so we don't have to worry about sundown).  DF is not a fan of that idea because he's worried that not everyone will get it off, plus I don't love the idea of a Sunday night party.  What's your opinion?  Break tradition and see each other before the ceremony for the sake of good pictures?  Any help is appreciated, thanks in advance!
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Re: Shabbat and sundown question

  • Kangaroo11Kangaroo11 member
    First Comment
    The "tradition" you refer to is not a Jewish one. We took pictures in a garden, then did our ketubah signing with the rabbi and out close family/wedding party, then did the ceremony for the all guests.

    Many Jewish weddings take place on Sundays, especially in the summer (like mine), because we cannot get married before sundown on Saturday. We decided to get married on a Sunday instead, since sundown is so late in June!
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  • imimahoneyimimahoney
    First Comment
    If you don't see your groom before the wedding how will sign the Ketubah? 

    We had a Sunday late afternoon wedding and it was perfect. It was over a 3 day weekend and I'd say 90% of our guests stayed until the very end. 

    You should really talk to your rabbi about a Saturday evening wedding. Ours absolutely would not preform one. 
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  • jessicabessicajessicabessica member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    edited March 2012
    I also am not sure how you will do the ketubah signing without seeing your FI before the ceremony, although I think maybe Sephardic tradition is to sign it under the chuppah?  Definitely talk to your officiant about a Saturday wedding, as imimahoney said, the logistics could be difficult.  That said, I think that a havdalah ceremony at the beginning of your wedding ceremony would be very beautiful.  

    We got married Sunday of a holiday weekend.  The chuppah was at 1, and we had cocktail hour, a meal, and dancing until around 7:30-8.  Almost everyone stayed until the end (a few of my friends that don't like to dance left early, I think).  

    We did first look photos, and it was really nice.  
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  • Bonzo2011Bonzo2011 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    Like the other ladies said, our rabbi wouldn't perform a wedding on Saturday, even after sundown. 

    We are getting married on the Sunday before July 4, so while officially Monday is not a holiday, many OOT folks are planning to turn the wedding into a small vacation using minimal vacation days.

    We will be doing photos in the early afternoon (starting 2:30 or 3:00), ketubah signing at 4:30, ceremony at 5:00, cocktails/reception immediately after, going until 10:00. Yes, some people will leave earlier, but that is fine with us. Neither of us are big partiers, so a late-night dance party was not one of our priorities.
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  • ElisabethJoanneElisabethJoanne member
    5 Love Its First Comment
    Ours wasn't supposed to be a Jewish wedding, really, but my future in-laws are insisting on more Jewish traditions. So I'm personally still torn between the WASP don't-see-each-other-before and the Jewish ketubah/bedeken traditions, with photos going with whichever tradition we choose.

    If I understand what I've read, including at chabad.org and New Jewish Wedding, photos of observant weddings I've seen, and other sources, most traditionally, the bride doesn't attend the ketubah signing. Male relatives sign it for her, and she receives it under the chuppah.
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  • imimahoneyimimahoney
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_jewish-weddings_shabbat-and-sundown-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:399Discussion:b72814fb-252b-47f6-a656-e401a8ba1904Post:6dc7a299-f2df-447b-b27b-d522c0b926d0">Re: Shabbat and sundown question</a>:
    [QUOTE] <strong>If I understand what I've read, including at chabad.org and New Jewish Wedding, photos of observant weddings I've seen, and other sources, most traditionally, the bride doesn't attend the ketubah signing. Male relatives sign it for her, and she receives it under the chuppah.</strong>
    Posted by ElisabethJoanne[/QUOTE]

    <div>That is not correct for reform and conservative weddings... maybe for Hasidic/Orthodox weddings but not for a majority of Jewish weddings that take place. </div>
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  • Kangaroo11Kangaroo11 member
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_jewish-weddings_shabbat-and-sundown-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:399Discussion:b72814fb-252b-47f6-a656-e401a8ba1904Post:6dc7a299-f2df-447b-b27b-d522c0b926d0">Re: Shabbat and sundown question</a>:
    [QUOTE]If I understand what I've read, including at chabad.org and New Jewish Wedding, photos of observant weddings I've seen, and other sources, most traditionally, the bride doesn't attend the ketubah signing. Male relatives sign it for her, and she receives it under the chuppah.
    Posted by ElisabethJoanne[/QUOTE]Wow, I've never heard of this at all! Traditionally, the bride and groom meet to sign the ketubah together. Our rabbi even asked us each if we were coming into this marriage of our own desire. After the bride and groom sign the ketubah, the groom lowers the veil over the bride's face, so that he knows he is going to be marrying the correct girl.
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  • ElisabethJoanneElisabethJoanne member
    5 Love Its First Comment
    Clearly, it's not the most common way of doing things now. I just provided that older or Chassidic way of doing things in case a bride wanted an excuse for the WASP don't-see-each-other-before tradition. I know I've reviewed "Orthodox" ketubos, still available at retail, without a signature line for the bride, but only her male representatives.
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  • reebsreebsreebsreebs member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited March 2012
    We had a conservative ketubah and neither of us signed it.  The witnesses sign it, as the text basically says on this day in this city the groom said this and the bride said that.  They are signing that that's what they saw. 

    Lines for the Rabbi, Bride, Groom or anyone else are all modern additions to the custom.

    I have seen weddings where the space was set up for both the ketubah signing and bedekin and the chuppah in one area, so the couple did the grand entrance, walk down the aisle, great reveal, AND then the ketubah/bedekin/chuppah. Might be a compramise if you want it.

    Edit to add: We had a Sunday wedding. It was great! We booked the space until 10pm but people did start to leave around 9 (tish had been at 3, so that was already a 6 hour celebration). I was so tired, I didn't mind that we wrapped up earlier than planned. And it gave our staff extra time to clean up.
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  • jessicabessicajessicabessica member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    As reebs said, traditionally neither the bride nor the groom signed the ketubah.  I have never heard of having someone sign for the bride.
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  • isazajisazaj
    First Comment
    What is breaking Jewish tradition is taking pictures while on shabbos. 
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