South Asian Weddings

...Gak.

FI's mother has told his grandmother to place an order (from India) for diamond-studded white-gold wedding rings for us. She called today to confirm our ring sizes.

We have custom-designed rings that we have already ordered for ourselves. His is here, bought and paid for. Mine is currently being made and will be here next month. Add to this that I severely dislike diamonds - my engagement ring is a non-traditional, rough-cut green tourmaline because I really DON'T like diamonds.

So what in the world are we supposed to do with the rings his mother has ordered? I don't want to seem ungracious, but we already have rings that mean a lot to us because we designed them.
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Re: ...Gak.

  • edited December 2011
    I guess you can just save them as an heirloom :-)

    "The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched, they must be felt with the heart." ~ Miss K ~
  • edited December 2011
    Can you wear them on special occasions? And then pass them down to your children?
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  • edited December 2011
    I need to talk to FI about this. He's been at work all night and won't be home till after 1(late shift - Harry Potter movie's out today).We'll have to talk tomorrow.

    His mom is controlling in a subtly manipulative way, and I think this may be another one of her subtle manipulations. She was already aware that we had rings - he showed his ring to them when we got it. She also has this habit of nay-saying the things we like because she doesn't consider them "valuable" enough. She told him that my engagement ring looked cheap and that it should have been bigger, more expensive, and more diamond. (He told her then that I don't like diamonds - so she knew that going in, too.)

    So I'm not sure how we're going to handle this yet. I know it doesn't seem like a big deal, but considering the way she's been manipulating him into cooperating with her lately, it's looking a lot like a red flag to me.
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  • edited December 2011
    I know traditionally for indian culture and especially during a wedding ...gold and jewelry is gifted A LOT!

    A bride can get up to 5-6 gold sets (necklace and earings sets)...and that's just from the groom's side...the indian bride (traditionally) is to be adorned with jewels...

    I don't think her getting the rings for the wrong reasons...so it should be okay...take it as a gift :)
  • edited December 2011
    Maybe I'm just being hyper-sensitive to anything that looks like it could be sneaky, with all the issues we've had lately. I told her that we already had rings that we were planning to wear for everyday use, so hopefully "very fancy special occasions" wasn't code for "any time we visit and every picture we ever see you in."
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  • edited December 2011
    I might get flamed for this, but I think if you don't take it you are being really ungrateful! This is my honest opinion. MrsBM is right this normal for your parents to give you gold as a gift. I understand not wanting it to be your e-ring or wedding bands, but is there anything wrong with saying Thank you for the gift and possibly wering it when you see her? (on your right hand)
    If your husband values his mother as much as you say it wouldn't be a good idea to put a wedge between the two of you. Compromise a little and just figure out what is really important to you as far as the wedding is concerned. Then ask her what do you think of XYZ and it might help.
    If I'm out of line then I am. Sorry.
  • edited December 2011
    I was not planning on turning the gift away. She spent money on it and I don't want to make an already testy relationship worse. That was my concern - how to handle it without seeming ungrateful. It isn't that we don't appreciate it; it's that it really wasn't necessary and she knew from the get-go that we already had rings of our own choosing. Though I can see where my original post could come off as being ungracious about it.

    I wasn't expecting her to buy rings, and apparently neither was FI. I asked her about wearing it on the right hand, and she doesn't like that idea. Her suggestion was wearing it for fancy special occasions and keeping our own rings for everyday use. That seems reasonable to me, but it is still something I want to talk to FI about. He may have other ideas.

    In any case, even if we never or seldom wear them, we do want to keep them for the kids later.
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  • edited December 2011
    sorry if it was harsh.
    I'm glad your FMIL is being some what compromising about it. Maybe she'll be that way for other things!
  • edited December 2011
    Hopefully:)

    And no worries about your comments seeming too harsh. It's the internet. It's hard to tell sometimes, with the lack of other language cues like facial expression, tone of voice, etc. When all you have to go on is the words, interpretation can sometimes be tough!
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  • edited December 2011
    My FI's parents bought me a couple of pieces of gold jewelry for our engagement, and  I usually wear them for special events only.  We couldn't find any white gold, and yellow gold isn't an everyday thing for me, so I just put it on come any Indian events, and they're happy with that.
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