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Phd vent!

meenamoomeenamoo
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in Students

Are there any other doctoral students here? In any case, I need to vent and figured this community was a good spot. I'm Canadian, studying in Boston, and my FI is French and lives in the south of France. I am writing my dissertation and don't even get any funding next year, but still my dept is refusing to let me live and work from France!! The chair of the dept is a real jackass (though he always tries to act supportive, lest anyone clue in to what a bastard he is). I'm so frustrated. He made me jump through hoops to get to this stage and I did all of my work and got stuff in order so I could go... but now he's putting any obstacle in my way possible (he feels all students must stay on campus in order to do good work). And he has a ton of power, which he is clearly abusing. I could throttle this man!!

Now I have to plan two weddings (Canada and France) from distance, while writing my dissertation, searching for jobs and figuring out how to pay for living expensives next year (Boston's quite pricey). I wish I could slap him! 

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Re: Phd vent!

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    lildevi15lildevi15 member
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    I'm sorry.  It's absolutely ridick that he won't let you write from elsewhere! You can write from anywhere!

    I sort of agree with Laura.  I'd bring it up with your advisor and committee and show them that you DO want to finish, but by writing on campus, it'll take longer for you to finish (do you get a stipend from your advisor/department outside of the funding that ran out? the longer it takes for a grad student to finish, the more money s/he has to be paid. . .it's in the interest of the school to get students out quickly - you can bring this argument up if you're getting paid elsewhere. . .plus if you graduate quicker, that's better for the school too).  From my peers' experiences, I've found that when they've wanted to quit or threatened to quit, they've been talked into finishing.  However those last 6 - 12 months of finishing ended up being the worst part of graduate school b/c of the extra hoops they'd have to go through.  It seems like people get really mad when you bring up the word "quit."  So I'd take the angle of "I REALLY want to finish, but Prof. xyz is making it difficult. HELP!"

    What are other options to alleviate your stress?  Can you take a leave of absence (I can understand not wanting to do this either; I wouldn't.  But maybe bringing the option up to your committee will help them understand that it's very difficult for you right now).  Can your fiance plan the wedding in France?  Will your family help you out in Canada?  It sucks planning long distance (I know).  But if you're okay with your family or fiance taking the reigns, it may help out a lot.




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    LauraT25LauraT25
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    Ok, I think there's a big difference between stomping your feet and threatening to quit vs saying that realistically, you can't afford to finish if you are required to stay at the campus without getting a stipend.  Maybe different programs are different, but in my experience, when you make it clear that you have other obligations, the majority of people try to work with you.  There are always going to be a$$holes, but if you get people on your side you can usually work something out.
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    lildevi15lildevi15 member
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    Sorry Laura, I misunderstood what you were trying to say earlier.  I agree that whatever you decide to tell your committee, ultimately you need to have them on your side.
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    RbfhRbfh member
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    I totally feel for you. Though I'm not in the exact same situation, I didn't get any funding for next year (when I'm writing my dissertation), and dealing with the costs of school, living, and paying for a wedding is really making me consider just calling it quits with the masters
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