So, last night I had to come to terms with my feelings. These feelings of hesitation have been resurfacing several times in our relationship and now was the time to really face it. I turned to my parents for advice. They’re amazing. They've been married 29 years and were engaged after 3 mo of dating, married 3 mo after that. No doubts for my dad, my mom did worry she was moving too fast. My father is an ordained minister with 30+ years of serving the congregation. He has helped many couples in pre-marital and marriage counseling.
I sobbed like a little girl and explained it all to them. They reassured me that there is nothing wrong with feeling this way and it is best to do this now than later. Don’t worry about the money or what people would think if you call it off or postpone. Any mature adult would understand that calling it off before is much wiser than waiting until it’s too late. If they’re not mature enough to see that, then you don’t have to worry about their opinion.
Neither told me what to do, but I can tell my mom is leaning more towards me ending it. Our issue is one stemming from my FI’s legal situation that causes him to not be able to make as much pay as he should, putting a heavier financial burden on me than I can take sometimes.
My father put it quite frankly. You will never find someone perfect for you. That doesn’t exist. There will always be things wrong with the other. You can always do better. You can never be 100% certain that this is right. There is always that small chance that there may be something hidden. At the end of the day, money doesn’t matter. In my case, don’t hold yourself back because of a few thousand dollars.
My dad said there are only 2 questions that you need to answer YES to: Do you love him? Do you want to marry him? If you have even the slightest hesitation on either, then stop. Everything else can be fixed or dealt with.
After only sleeping 2.5 hours last night due to my FI calling/texting me constantly, crying & freaking that I was going to leave, I realized that although I can live without him, I don’t want to. I told him this morning that I decided to continue on and we’re going to meet later to discuss what has been worrying me and what we can do to help that.
I hope that my father’s words of wisdom can be of some help to someone else.