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Long Distance

egeurtsegeurts
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in Students
Who else is doing a long distance relationship? Care to share how it feels?

I just got married in June, and my husband and I will be doing our first year of marriage long distance because of school. We did it last year, and it sucked, and we knew it would suck again this year. What I didn't realize was how much worse it would be now that we're married. We've been together since we were 16. We've lived together for a few years now. We had to do the long distance thing because of graduate school- I'm in TN and he's in MN, and neither one of us is willing to give up our dream school because of a couple years of LDR. I mean, it happens, we can do it. 

I guess I thought that it would be the same after we're married that it was last year, when we were engaged. Nothing is really different- we lived together, we were having sex, there is nothing ACTUALLY different about our relationship. The wedding was just "making it official". But somehow, everything just FEELS different, and this year is going to be so much harder being apart.... 

Sorry, I guess it's just starting to hit me that in a couple weeks I have to spend the next 8 months away from my husband.. Anyone else? 
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Re: Long Distance

  • ChloeaghChloeagh member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    Wow. I'm sorry. I'm not fully long distance from FI (only 45 minutes away and I get to see him every 2-3 weeks), but it's still pretty hard. We're attached at the hip during the summer. Your experience is exactly why we don't want to get married until we can live together.

    Best of luck. At least it's only one more year, right? Then you have your whole lives to be together.
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  • emeejeeayenemeejeeayen member
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    My fiance and I lived together in NYC for 3+ years. I moved home (to CA) when my mom got sick last August. She's fine now, FH proposed in April, bla bla, but we're in this sort of holding pattern because he's going to law school in DC in September. The plan is for me to move in October, but man, it's been a rough year. Long distance sucks. And it's particularly bad for us because when I'm upset I obsess whereas he avoids. It's just rough to have different things going on in each other's lives that you're not a part of. 

    I was talking to my mom about this the other day. I was talking about how I don't think marriage changes much for couples who already live together, but it changes things for the rest of the people in their lives. It's like marriage means everyone else can take it seriously, and I think it's really difficult when you're looking forward to that acknowledgement, and you don't get to fully experience it because you're not in the same physical location. 
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  • USMCBride90USMCBride90
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    My husband is in the military and is stationed out in California right now while I'm back in MN. We lived together about 4 years ago before he left for boot camp, and have been doing the long distance thing for just about 3 1/2 years now, with visits every 3 months or so when he's not in training or overseas. I know how you feel! It's tough, especially when you're married, but you just have to keep your eye on the prize (as I like to put it).

    I think it's great that you are both pursuing your dreams while still maintaining your marriage while living long distance. I am unable to live with my husband at the moment due to a few curveballs being thrown our way by the military. However, I am still pursuing my dreams while we're apart and will continue to do so after we can live together again. So I just wanted to say that I commend you for that :)

    It's tough when you have to spend the majority of the first year of your marriage apart. It really truly just sucks. There is so much that happens in that first year of marriage that you want to share and experience together. Just keep thinking about where you'll be once the distance is over. You'll be ready to settle into your own place and start your lives together again.

    I commend any couple that has to live apart for any period of time and maintains a strong, healthy relationship. After you make it through that it really teaches you alot. Hang in there and keep your eye on the prize :)
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  • Blondy214Blondy214 member
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    I am LD with my FI while I am in graduate school. We lived together for 2 years during undergrad, but I moved a few hours away for graduate school. We've been LD for 2 years, and I have one semester left. It has been really hard. I can't imagine how hard it must be to be LD after getting married. We considered getting married this summer, but we both knew that I would have to go back to school and we didn't want to be LD for the first few months of marriage, so we're waiting unti after I graduate. 

    Hang in there! 
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  • lgoin1lgoin1 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    Daw :( FI is applying to be in the Foreign Service or will go straight into his Ph.D. I'm only starting my first year of grad school, so I'm one year behind.  Regardless of what he does, we will be spending around a year apart.  We'll do fine, but it's such a bummer.  It helps getting support and encouragement from others that are doing it or will be doing it. 
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  • annmarie714annmarie714 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited August 2012
    And I thought we were the only crazy ones doing a LD marriage!

    It's hard and we fight a lot more when we're apart.  Not to mention the long hours, me working night shift, and trying to get things sorted out for the move.

    H is in med school and has different rotations (MS3) every month.  This is the first month after we're married and he's in PA while I'm in OH.  Then H will be back in OH for a month, then off to MI.  Luckily we'll be able to setting in together once he's in MI, but he's only there for 10 months so I'm keeping my job in OH because it's the smart choice, especially in this ecomony!
    Where there is love, there is life.-Ghandi
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  • azicooperazicooper member
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_students_long-distance?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:684Discussion:4588ad61-30ef-43b4-9107-faa8ca3f5111Post:12b286ce-d90c-4104-8990-fecf1cbd5e49">Long Distance</a>:
    [QUOTE]Who else is doing a long distance relationship? Care to share how it feels? I just got married in June, and my husband and I will be doing our first year of marriage long distance because of school. We did it last year, and it sucked, and we knew it would suck again this year. What I didn't realize was how much worse it would be now that we're married. We've been together since we were 16. We've lived together for a few years now. We had to do the long distance thing because of graduate school- I'm in TN and he's in MN, and neither one of us is willing to give up our dream school because of a couple years of LDR. I mean, it happens, we can do it.  I guess I thought that it would be the same after we're married that it was last year, when we were engaged. Nothing is really different- we lived together, we were having sex, there is nothing ACTUALLY different about our relationship. The wedding was just "making it official". But somehow, everything just FEELS different, and this year is going to be so much harder being apart....  Sorry, I guess it's just starting to hit me that in a couple weeks I have to spend the next 8 months away from my husband.. Anyone else? 
    Posted by egeurts[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>
    </div><div><div style="font-family:Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:10px;background-color:initial;background-image:none;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;color:#1f1f1f;font:normal normal normal 11px/14px Arial, sans-serif;text-align:left;line-height:normal;">I'm also LD with my DH. He is in the military and stationed out of state. I'm currently in school finishing up. I agree, once you get married something changes and what seemed possible while you're engaged, is a lot harder when you're acutally married. As for me, I missed my FI when we were engaged but now that we are married I miss him terribly and look forward to every school holiday to get on a plane and see him.<div>
    </div><div>Hang in there! It's hard but you're not alone. Just make sure you have great communication skills and everything will work out. Best wishes!</div></div>
    </div>
    Love doesn't make the world go 'round. Love is what makes the ride worthwhile. -- Franklin P. Jones
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