Invitation wording-- who is paying??

Re: Invitation wording-- who is paying??

• hrparker

  

  December 2009 edited December 2011

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_ohio-cincinnati_invitation-wording-paying?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:108Discussion:22672462-daf8-4e7d-9dc0-f3c7a5d8a25ePost:fa6742f1-5799-4706-bc19-38570c0a50ae">Invitation wording-- who is paying??</a>:
  [QUOTE]I have a question about wording for my invitations. There are a ton of links out there giving suggestions for wording based on who's hosting, but here's our situation: My parents (bride) are paying for the cost of the reception (includes hall rental, food, drink, centerpieces), his parents are paying for the rehearsal dinner, and my fiance and I are covering everything else (flowers, dj, photo/video, attire, favors, etc.). Would this be considered "everyone hosting' since everyone is contributing something? Or does it matter that some are contributing much more? Thanks for your help!!
  Posted by LizW513[/QUOTE]
  
  Please, please, please do not base your invitation wording on who is paying more (it doesn't sound like that's your intent, but I thought I'd put that out there).
  
  If both sets of parents are HOSTING (hosting doesn't involve paying - it involves making sure guests are taken care of), then both sets of names should go on the invitation.  If you and your fiance are helping to host as well, however, things can get tricky with all of those names.
  
  We were in the same situation, and the easiest solution I found was to use the "Together with their families" wording.  Basically:
  
  "Together with their families
  
  hrparker
  
  and
  
  hrparker's FI
  
  request the honour of your presence yada yada yada"
  
  gl

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• econner42

  

  December 2009 edited December 2011

  I'm in the same situation and like pp, we went with something similar:

  
  

  Together with their parents....blah blah blah

  
  

  I like this more than listing the parents names b/c I felt that only mine & FI's name should be on the invite...but that's my personal preference.

  
  

  HTH!

  

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• onlymels member

  

  December 2009 edited December 2011

  We're just having our names and our kids names on our invite. My parents are helping but not very much. My mom got kinda huffy when I told her it was just going to Fi the kids and myself. But she got over it.

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• heidifolk

  

  December 2009 edited December 2011

  Yes, from a traditional perspective, hosting in this case does mean who is paying; so yes parents are hosting.  Take away the reception, which they are paying for, and what do you have left?  Basically a rehearsal dinner and the ceremony.  Who is paying for the church?  I'm guessing your parents.
  
  Don't be afraid of "offending" someone.  If you do it the "traditional" way you will find no one is offended.  The groom's parents are nice to provide the rehearsal dinner, of course, but do not need to be given a prominent place on the invitations for it.  You certainly do not need to be listed since you are paying for incidentals.  The bride and groom are only the hosts when paying for the reception themselves.
  
  We really do tend to complicate these things, don't we? 
  
  Hosting is a genteel term used in these situations that means "who is paying".  Your parent's, ideally should also behave as hosts, but whether they do or do not is secondary to whether they are paying for things. 
  
  You're on the right track by thinking of everyone.  By  establishing things upfront with the properly worded inivitations you will keep a nice sense of order and decorum, and everyone will be happy.
  
  I'm surprised by how often we come to these boards without asking our own mothers for advice.  If you cannot decide, try talking to your mother, give her a couple of days to think about it if necesary, then see what she says.  Her initial reaction might change after she's had time to think.  Include her in this process, unless she doesn't care.  However I doubt that is the case. 

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• kelklump member

  

  December 2009 edited December 2011

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_ohio-cincinnati_invitation-wording-paying?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:108Discussion:22672462-daf8-4e7d-9dc0-f3c7a5d8a25ePost:9c649518-75c7-4bbd-bf11-ecfb2324fb1e">Re: Invitation wording-- who is paying??</a>:
  [QUOTE]In Response to Invitation wording-- who is paying?? : Please, please, please do not base your invitation wording on who is paying more (it doesn't sound like that's your intent, but I thought I'd put that out there). If both sets of parents are HOSTING (hosting doesn't involve paying - it involves making sure guests are taken care of), then both sets of names should go on the invitation.  If you and your fiance are helping to host as well, however, things can get tricky with all of those names. We were in the same situation, and the easiest solution I found was to use the "Together with their families" wording.  Basically: "Together with their families hrparker and hrparker's FI request the honour of your presence yada yada yada" gl
  Posted by hrparker[/QUOTE]
  
  I totally agree with hr - I will say I knew dh's family wouldnt host so mine was easy. my parents paid for the reception and we paid for the rest. I listed my parents first, and him as the son of Mrs. DH. We actaully told both sets of parents before we did it so there wouldnt be a surprise.

  Baby makes three Lee's

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• LizW513

  

  December 2009 edited December 2011

  Thank you for all your help and suggestions! It is crazy how something that should be so simple can quickly become so complicated! I will talk to my mother about it first, but she's new to all of this too so it's helpful to have a better standpoint to approach her with. Thanks again!

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• heidifolk

  

  December 2009 edited December 2011

  Liz, it's nice you are including your mother in the process, especially after getting some ideas first.  It will mean so much to her that you care enough to ask her.  I've seen some close friends of mine leave their parents out of the process entirely, and I know in at least one case they were hurt.  I mean imagine, you are paying $$$ for a wedding, but were not shown the courtesy of being asked your opinion on anything! 

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