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Guest List Woes

jmbahrjmbahr member
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in Pennsylvania-Pittsburgh
I'm just courious.  Is anyone else having major battles over the guest list?  I orginally only wanted 100 guests.  That went out the door when my parents took over and we are now barely contianing it at 200.  I can't even get my mom to send me her list so I can make cuts.  If it was up to them, it would be somewhere around 500, so I guess we're doing ok. 
Any advice on handling the situation?  It's becoming a bit of a sore spot and I really don't want any fighting over the wedding.
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Re: Guest List Woes

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    cgyvhucgyvhu member
    Combo Breaker First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Who is paying for the wedding??  In general, the rule is the person who pays, says.

    If you and your FI are paying, you can explain to your parents that it's simply not in your budget to have more than X number of guests total, and so you would appreciate them keeping their personal list at Y or less number of people.  Sometimes, parents are willing to chip in to pay for guests over that number you specify, and that's ok too (if you don't mind having more people).

    If they are paying, I think you have to be gracious and accept that they want to invite guests to an event they are paying for.  You could tell them that you are worried if the guest count is over a certain number that you won't be able to fit in a venue you want, or something to that effect, but it's still up to the person paying.

    The guest list can be one of the tougher spots in wedding planning - I hope you get it worked out ok!
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    Ash2985Ash2985 member
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    edited December 2011
    Ditto everything that MD said.  She's wise.
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    ros3392ros3392 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    This is actually one of the biggest arguments that families have when planning a wedding. You are not alone!  MD is right, if they are footing the bill (even partially) you should allow them to invite some people. If it is partial, I would give them x amount of people to invite and kindly tell them that this is the amount of people that they can invite. If they are footing the bill entirely, you really do have to be gracious and allow them to invite whomever they wish. It can be tough, but its important to be gracious no matter what the situation is.

     Hopefully it works out and everyone is happy!
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    carcrashheartcarcrashheart member
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    edited December 2011
    it seems good in theory, i suppose. but in our case-while my parents were footing the food/valet/ceremony portion of the bill, the IL's were footing the alcohol, so we had to give them some leeway also. and nobody really takes kindly to being told they can only have X amount of guests, even if they aren't footing the entire bill but are footing some of it. my parents didn't want to upset anyone by saying such a thing. eventually, my DH took care of it and let them know about how many they needed to keep their side of the list to. we were also shooting for about 100, but that really adds up quickly, so we shot for 150-175. we ended up inviting 211. we had 143 rsvp, so it wasn't worth being upset over in the first place.

    GL!
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    pantherRNpantherRN member
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    edited December 2011
    Ditto everything everyone else said.

    Is there a reason you only wanted 100 guests? Budget? Venue constraints? Personal preference?
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    jmbahrjmbahr member
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    edited December 2011
    It's a personal prefernce.  I'm not really a center of attention kind of girl.  However, I have since gotten the list!  My parents are paying for the whole thing, except the church.  But, my mom understood my feelings and got my dad down to 89, a bare bones list.  So with my fiance's family list and our friends, we should be able to keep it to around 200.  My dad will pout over not being allowed to invite every person he's ever met, but the rest of my family actually talked some sense in to him!  So, thanks for the help.  I'm actually a lot less stressed over the situation as a whole.  I really appreciate it!
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    Hope61Hope61 member
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_pennsylvania-pittsburgh_guest-list-woes?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:116Discussion:8bed7071-bdd6-4f91-bc44-a917b9737931Post:9ffeb6d7-8d66-4dda-a4ca-4373be566051">Guest List Woes</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm just courious.  Is anyone else having major battles over the guest list? [/QUOTE]

    Me, me, pick me!
    Um yeah. My parents are paying. Their list is about 50. FI's and my list is about 70 (with an expected 50 or less probably able to come...). FIL's list is 138!!!! FMIL says that she only expects about 60-70 to come, because they're not that close with her side of the family and it would be a 4-5 hour drive for them. But yeah, I can't take that risk, my venue only holds 200 for one thing, my parents can't really even afford that much, for another. And it seems like FFIL is similar to your dad, wants to invite everyone he's ever been friends with. I think I'm going to figure out maybe talking to them this weekend. My mom offered to cut her list down, but I think thats ridiculous since she's paying and we have less-distant relatives on the list (i.e. FIs parents' cousins who he doesn't know are on the list, my parents' cousins who I DO know are NOT on the list!)  /end rant. Sorry lol
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    jmbahrjmbahr member
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    edited December 2011
    no worries about ranting.  Feels good, doesn't it? 
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    Hope61Hope61 member
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_pennsylvania-pittsburgh_guest-list-woes?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:116Discussion:8bed7071-bdd6-4f91-bc44-a917b9737931Post:fc667e98-a8ec-4ad2-9201-681c8c48e217">Re: Guest List Woes</a>:
    [QUOTE]no worries about ranting.  Feels good, doesn't it? 
    Posted by jmbahr[/QUOTE]
    haha, yes!
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    kpagspghkpagspgh member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    honestly, the worst thing when trying to plan a wedding is that you want to share this experience with everyone, but once you start involving people, they want to take over every detail, ESPECIALLY the guest list.  What my wedding planner told me seemed to make the most sense:  If there are decisions that you want to make on your own or just you and your hubby, then just keep it between you and your hubby.  Once you start asking for people's input, its impossible to get them out of the equation, which then can lead to fights about things that in the long run, are really insignificant.  

    But I do have to say, if the 'rents are paying, you may be S.O.L., sister.... 

    just enjoy the ride.  The people you dont know there will probably come wielding gifts and/or cards with cash in them, so.......you'll be hanging out with your peeps anyway, right? 
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