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November 2012 Weddings
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long distance Planning

samimylovesamimylove member
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in November 2012 Weddings
I recently decided on my November 3, 2012 date!  I have only been engaged since Christmas, but we have been together since April of 2006.  I have really been all over the place with making decisions.... Unfortunately with the economy a big LUSH weddign isnt going to be possible but we do BOTH have enormous families!  I Have found a few beautiful and affordable venues, but i live in NJ and my wedding is taking place in Orlando Florida, where my Fiance now resides.....

I guess my inquiry is how do I inspire him to take some of this long distance stress off my shoulders by volunteering to take a local lead in our planning?  or is it just sort of inherrent male behavior to leave 90% of planning up to the Bride-to-be?

Simple Yes or No answers seem to be all i can drag out of him.....He is excited for our life together, and keeps telling me that i'm so stylish, smart, and good with money, that it only makes sense that I should make these decisions....

advice?
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Re: long distance Planning

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    asimms12asimms12 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    Well I don't have much of an idea of how to inspire him except to tell him you need help and hope he listens.

    However I did want to say congrats and welcome to the board. We hope to be able to help you as much as we can.
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    samimylovesamimylove member
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    Thank YOU!
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    fishinflagirlfishinflagirl member
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    Hi Congrats, and welcome! We are date twins, I am an 11/3 bride as well! I really hate to say that you might be alone in the planning. My FI really wants nothing to do with it. He will talk about it and go to Michael's with me one day, but most the other days he wants nothing to do with it. A lot of my friends here that are engaged are going through the same thing. Maybe you can ask him to take pics of the venues at least...I have no ideas on how to get him involved. When do you move down here (also live in FLA) or are you having the wedding here and then hes moving back to NJ? Maybe try seducing him...LMAO. Good Luck and let us know how it goes!
    Katie
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    asimms12asimms12 member
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    Katie, I almost wish my FI was like that. He wants to be involved in everything but I am more of a take charge person so I move fast and then I have to slow down to catch him up on everything I've done.
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    samimylovesamimylove member
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    I am moving down to orlando next summer, a few months before the wedding, and the plan is for us to stay there.  After this last winter up here I dont plan on living in northeast again! Right now he is in school (doing a career change) and working...and he insists over and over again that i'm better at all this stuff (which is probably true by the way lol)  All my spare time is spent on the internet researching everything rom table cards to DJ's....  I guess its a good thing we have so much time for our dates!  All the important stuff happens within like six months leading up to the wedding right?  And ill be there by then i guess
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    fishinflagirlfishinflagirl member
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    Autumn - trust me you do not wish that. LOL Well, maybe not to be involved in all of it and having to catch him up...but at least want to help pick a date (which is still not set in stone), or colors, or the venue. The main, bigger things. I dont mind him not being involved in the small things...but the venue, colors, and DATE are huge. lol Too bad we couldnt combine their personalities together and have the perfect guy!

    Samimylove - I bet you can not wait to get down here. I couldnt imagine being any where else. I was born and raised here, and experienced 20 degree weater in Wisconsin doing some work training, and OMG I couldnt do it. I looked like a pathetic polar bear I had sooo many clothes on!
    I think you are going to be doing those so called, "little things", like the place cards and such...I am in that situation too. I think as long as he will help with the venue, food, drinks, colors, and those bigger things...thats a great start. Autumn is lucky - we hate you! LOL
    Its nice to have this amount of time, because you can slowly do things. Will you be coming down here to visit before then. You will just have to plan on seeing venues and DJ's before you come down, and make him sit for a day and do some wedding things..he'll have no escape then. Muahaha (evil laugh)
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    bridezillatobe2009bridezillatobe2009 member
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    right now all that REALLY needs to be done is maybe the venue and ceremony location. Narrow your choices online and then ask him to go and take pictures/video. Men work well when they have a specific task, don't expect to get his opinion.

    You can skype with other vendors that you want to book early-photog, dj, videographer, etc. But once again, narrow choices to about 3?

    Also, make use of your local board.

    Good luck planning and welcome to Nov 2012!
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    christineashleychristineashley member
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    First off, congrats! Second, mine doesn't want to be involved either. Every time I tell him what we have to do and how he has to come with me to make decisions, he says "It would be a waste for me to go because I am fine with whatever you chose". He is still going to go because I am going to make him. Even if he does agree for the sake of agreeing, the fact that he is still there will make it feel at least like he cares LOL.
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    samimylovesamimylove member
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    it seems there may be a bit of naggy in my immediate future haha
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    AlmostMrsStrongAlmostMrsStrong
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    I read an awesome piece of advice in regards to dealing with unhelpful FIs. Ask them to pick two aspects of the wedding that they feel are really important. For most guys, it's food and music, but he may surprise you. Allow him to be in charge of those aspects; he will be more willing because those are the things that matter to him.

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