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October 2013 Weddings
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To be mother in law

brittanydurfeybrittanydurfey
First Comment
in October 2013 Weddings

My to be mother in law is a really sweet lady. However I have only been engaged just over two weeks and she has already purchased table decorations, tiaras and head pieces for myself, bridesmaids, jr bridesmaids, and flower girl. She has also purchased the guest book, flower girl basket, ring pillow, and even tried to buy my dress off line without my input. She is a very sweet lady, but how do I bring up to her that I would like to have a say in these details of my wedding? I don’t want to be rude and I greatly appreciate her helping, but I also want to make it my special day, and have it the way I want.

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Re: To be mother in law

  • shannie11shannie11 member
    First Anniversary Name Dropper 5 Love Its First Comment
    I would just say thank you for everything.  Then I would just explain to her that though everything is very nice, you would like to look for things yourself.   This is your wedding.  I have no idea what styles are even out there!  She is welcome to come along for some things ex. when you try on dresses so she doesn't feel left out.  If you can't say it to her then maybe your fiance can say it gently to her without hurting her feelings.
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  • bruna29bruna29 member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary First Comment
    edited February 2012
    Your FI should be handling his mother. He can explain that while it's very nice of your MIL to purchase these items, you two have only been engaged for a few weeks. Explain to her that you plan to include her in the future for gown shopping or even to look at the flowers, but you first need to take some time with just your FI to figure out exactly what type of wedding you both want. Once you decide, try to limit your sharing of details with her since it seems like she goes overboard.
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  • Stina51286Stina51286 member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment Name Dropper
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_october-2013-weddings_to-be-mother-in-law?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:1925524f-fa8b-432f-a7b5-be486ce756efDiscussion:64390a5e-40be-471e-af2b-56cc8d91574dPost:2c4901f5-6e79-47b0-86e8-feae64004f33">Re: To be mother in law</a>:
    [QUOTE]Your FI should be handling his mother. He can explain that while it's very nice of your MIL to purchase these items, you two have only been engaged for a few weeks. Explain to her that you plan to include her in the future for gown shopping or even to look at the flowers, but you first need to take some time with just your FI to figure out exactly what type of wedding you both want. Once you decide, try to limit your sharing of details with her since it seems like she goes overboard.
    Posted by justdance93[/QUOTE]

    This!

    I am having FMIL issues myself right now, and FI has been awesome dealing with it. They think they are inviting 77 of their friends on top of their 188 list of family. Try that one on for size! lol


    P.S. please do not mess around with the font, it was very hard to read your post. Thanks!

     

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  • brittanydurfeybrittanydurfey
    First Comment
    I have some ideas of the decorations that I like and have saved them to my ebay. I am going to talk to my FI when I go home over spring break ( I am working on my duel bach. two hours away!)  when I get home I am going to talk to him in private. Then confront his mother together. We have apoitments and meeting set for the entire week. I just hope I dont upset her to much to where its uncomftorable :x

    P.S. sorry about the fount on the origonal post I dont know what happened.
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  • brittanydurfeybrittanydurfey
    First Comment
    Talked to the FMIL last night. She took it very well. She was not upset and she understands why I want to pick my own decorations and what not. She even helped me list the products on Ebay that she had already purchused that I didnt want.
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  • bruna29bruna29 member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_october-2013-weddings_to-be-mother-in-law?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:1925524f-fa8b-432f-a7b5-be486ce756efDiscussion:64390a5e-40be-471e-af2b-56cc8d91574dPost:f15833d2-4dcd-4d90-9f15-63eb04c7e031">Re: To be mother in law</a>:
    [QUOTE]Talked to the FMIL last night. She took it very well. She was not upset and she understands why I want to pick my own decorations and what not. She even helped me list the products on Ebay that she had already purchused that I didnt want.
    Posted by brittanydurfey[/QUOTE]
    It sounds like everything worked out well. Congrats!
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