Wedding Etiquette Forum

May have to break an ettiquette rule... sigh

Just found out that a married couple that recently recieved our STD is probably seperating, and in an ugly way.  She caught him cheating and there was an incident and he ended up in jail for a couple of days for what we think is probably domestic battery charges. 

The man is a friend of the groom, so he would be the one of the two that would get invited if they seperated.  But I'm not feeling comfortable inviting a person to our wedding who may have been put in jail for harming his wife.  I would obviously find out the truth before booting him off the wedding list and get the grooms blessing.

If only we knew the dirt two weeks ago it could have saved us the hassle!!!

I'm a firm believer in making sure that everyone who got a STD will get an invite, but will it be the worst thing if this is an exception? 
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Re: May have to break an ettiquette rule... sigh

  • I think you're justified in not wanting to invite him.
    panther
  • That depends on if she's a flavor of the week or not.
    May 21, 2011
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  • Honestly, I don't really care about the ettiquette in this situation (bad advice, I know).  Anyone, just recently in jail for domestic abuse wouldn't be getting an invite from me.

    However, since it's your FI's friend, how does he feel?  I think this should be his choice.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_may-have-to-break-an-ettiquette-rule-sigh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:11d914b2-0aba-4b30-9b52-528d2dc62dd8Post:408dd175-26d1-48c7-8d15-0da4416f3063">Re: May have to break an ettiquette rule... sigh</a>:
    [QUOTE]That depends on if she's a flavor of the week or not.
    Posted by LaBellaVita23[/QUOTE]

    Separated definitely means "sleeping with the wife AND lots of other women."  So, they all get flavor of the week status. 
  • Yeah I think you could get away with not inviting him, this might be on of the few exceptions to the rule.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_may-have-to-break-an-ettiquette-rule-sigh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:11d914b2-0aba-4b30-9b52-528d2dc62dd8Post:653398d1-14ad-4c9c-9cc4-7fa3f3556604">May have to break an ettiquette rule... sigh</a>:
    [QUOTE]Just found out that a married couple that recently recieved our STD is probably seperating, and in an ugly way.  She caught him cheating and there was an incident and he ended up in jail for a couple of days for what we think is probably domestic battery charges.  The man is a friend of the groom, so he would be the one of the two that would get invited if they seperated.  But I'm not feeling comfortable inviting a person to our wedding who may have been put in jail for harming his wife.  I would obviously find out the truth before booting him off the wedding list and get the grooms blessing. <strong>If only we knew the dirt two weeks ago it could have saved us the hassle!!! </strong>I'm a firm believer in making sure that everyone who got a STD will get an invite, but will it be the worst thing if this is an exception? 
    Posted by amyelise25[/QUOTE]

    <div>
    </div><div>Really, that is not a necessary comment.  Also, you <u>think </u>it is domestic battery so this is all in your head at the moment.  </div>
  • if he is your FI's friend, your FI needs to have that discussion with the man.

    I think a man that is a physical risk is a rule breaker...but find out the facts first. 
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  • Look, do you or your FI have any interest in continuing a friendship with this couple?  If the answer is no, I wouldn't fret it.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_may-have-to-break-an-ettiquette-rule-sigh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:11d914b2-0aba-4b30-9b52-528d2dc62dd8Post:653398d1-14ad-4c9c-9cc4-7fa3f3556604">May have to break an ettiquette rule... sigh</a>:
    [QUOTE]Just found out that a married couple that recently recieved our STD is probably seperating, and in an ugly way.  She caught him cheating and there was an incident and he ended up in jail for a couple of days for what we think is probably domestic battery charges.  The man is a friend of the groom, so he would be the one of the two that would get invited if they seperated.  But I'm not feeling comfortable inviting a person to our wedding who may have been put in jail for harming his wife.  I would obviously find out the truth before booting him off the wedding list and get the grooms blessing.<strong> If only we knew the dirt two weeks ago it could have saved us the hassle!!! </strong>I'm a firm believer in making sure that everyone who got a STD will get an invite, but will it be the worst thing if this is an exception? 
    Posted by amyelise25[/QUOTE]

    Yeah, too bad your friends don't plan their breakups around your wedding timeline.
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  • Find out the facts and then go from there. You've got plenty of time before your invitations will need to go out.
    Lizzie
  • edited April 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_may-have-to-break-an-ettiquette-rule-sigh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:11d914b2-0aba-4b30-9b52-528d2dc62dd8Post:408dd175-26d1-48c7-8d15-0da4416f3063">Re: May have to break an ettiquette rule... sigh</a>:
    [QUOTE]That depends on if she's a flavor of the week or not.
    Posted by LaBellaVita23[/QUOTE]

    <div>This made me lol for real. OP, if he really did harm his wife, I think it would be ok. Just be sure to find out the truth first. </div><div>
    </div><div>Edit: LaBellas comment made me laugh, not the OPs situation. </div>
  • Groom's friend = groom's call.

    Also, ditto PPs on finding out the actual facts before making assumptions about what he was in jail for.  If you have the misfortune of getting arrested on Friday after 3pm around here, you sit in jail until Monday morning even for really minor, non-violent offenses because there's no one around to arraign you until Monday, and they can't let you go without arraigning you, so the length of his jail stay probably doesn't have much at all to do with his offense.
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  • Meegles4Meegles4 member
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    edited April 2012
    What is up with all the divorces today?

    I agree with aragx, you need to find out the facts. In the exact same situation that I mentioned in the post before yours, the husband had been cheating. This alone should not exclude him from getting an invitation in my book, it should be up to your FI and the couple as far as how they want to be invited.

    As for the jail thing, I agree this could warrant a non-invite, but what were the circumstances? Was it really domestic abuse or was it an argument that was loud enough that the neighbors called the cops and they hauled the guy away to cool things down -- but no actual abuse occurred?

    Sounds like your FI needs to do some digging and then make a decision.
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  • Yeah I would have all the facts first and let it be FI's call.
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  • Thanks for the advice.  I will hae the FI get more information about this situation and follow his lead.  I know that it was 2 days in jail that isn't in a small town.  It was related to a dispute at their home (because of the cheating).  I think because of the length of the stay, and his known anger issues, people have been assuming the worst.  But we will find out the real deal. 

    Regardless, it is a very sad situation and I wish that it hadn't happened. 
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