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Engagement Party / Couples Shower etiquette

missyt180missyt180 member
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in Pre-wedding Parties
FI and I live in LA and are getting married in Pittsburgh (where my family lives).  We are going to PA in mid-June for our food tasting, and my mother very nicely offered to throw a shower.party for us (she is invited to, but cannot come to the shower my MOH is hosting).  Because we are in town for less than 48 hours, she wanted to make sure both of us are included (therefore, not a female-only party/bridal shower).  This will be a very casual afternoon BBQ at my parent's house, and will probably include primarily my family and FI's family - my MOH is throwing me an LA-based shower with a few other girls, and FI's GM are doing a bach party for him.  My mom will be inviting the wedding party, but only as a courtesy.  Of course, if they do make the trip it would be a bonus!

I have a few detail questions:
- Would this be considered an Engagement Party, or a Couples Shower?  Is there a difference between the two?

- What is the proper etiquette for the party?  For example, if it is a Couples Shower, if people bring gifts, should we open them in front of everyone?  Due to the casual nature of the party,  I feel that it might be awkward to sit and open gifts (if we receive) - but do not want to offend.  I read an earlier post on this board that not opening gifts was seen as not proper.

- Are there any type of activities that are done at a couples shower/engagement party?  I am not the biggest fan of the bridal shower games, but am down to make a TP veil if it makes my family happy.  However, are there other ideas that you / other couples have done at a joint party?

Its a bit non-conventional due to the location of our families (PA and MD) in relation to us and our friends (LA and NYC) so we are already probably breaking some standard rules.  However, being a newb to wedding planning, there are many etiquette rules that I am just learning - so appreciate any feedback.  My family is not at all formal, so I doubt anyone that would be looking at me sideways if I did anything "wrong" but all of you are a wealth of info, so thought I would bounce it off you as well.
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Re: Engagement Party / Couples Shower etiquette

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    danieliza1127danieliza1127 member
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    edited December 2011
    Well since your wedding is in September and this party will be in June, I would not call it or consider it an engagement party.  It's too close to the wedding for that.  It's a couple's shower or you can call it a Jack and Jill.  If people bring gifts, and they probably will, yes you should open them in front of everyone.  I wouldn't plan any games since it's co-ed.  Many women even get annoyed with bridal shower games so I certainly wouldn't put any guys through that.  Just have a bbq and visit and socialize.  You don't need any planned activities, although if you had yard games available I'm sure that would be fun (around here we have Corn Hole, Ladder Gold, Bocche Ball, etc). 
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    SuMmErKuTiESuMmErKuTiE member
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    edited December 2011
    Ditto pp, this sounds more like a Couples Shower than an Engagement Party. An Engagement Party is normally thrown at the beginning of the Engagement before the major wedding planning is underway. It's more of a party for celebration and for the families to meet and is not as much of a gift giving event as the shower.

    Since it's only 2 months before the wedding I'd say this is more of a couples shower for you and your FI. So, as pp mentioned, if people bring gifts you'll be opening them in front of everyone. And a big fat ditto on the no planning shower type games. I can't stand cheesy bridal shower games and that was my one request to my mom and MOH who are planning my shower was that I didn't wany any of the typical bridal shower games because I hate sitting through them at other showers and can tell only a few people really get into them, so if this is co-ed the guys really wouldn't want to sit through it. I like pp's game ideas.. Bocce is always fun, Jarts, Horseshoes, etc.. and when you have competitive people it's that much more fun.  A BBQ sounds like a great co-ed party for you and your FI to mingle with friends and family and open some gifts. Have fun! :0)
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    missyt180missyt180 member
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    edited December 2011
    Thanks guys!

    I definitely do not want to do any type of shower games (the are tedious for the guests IMO) so can use this as leverage with my mom for planning purposes!  :)
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