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anxiety without dad.

neetuandsachinneetuandsachin member
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in South Asian Weddings
I remember when i first joined this board another knottie mentioned that they had lost a parent soon before their own wedding. i thought i was doing well and have been seeing  a therapist for months to get some tools to help me get through the day itself, but i'd appreciate any advice anyone in a similiar situation can offer. as the day comes closer, i'm sleeping less, having more nightmares about dad, more anxiety, more crying.  i've incorporated small reminders of my dad throughout the wedding, but need something more than "he'll be there in spirit" to help me through.
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Re: anxiety without dad.

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    raangoliraangoli
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I am sorry that your dad won't be there with you on your wedding day. It's something I can't even begin to imagine.

    It's not the same as your situation, but my husband had lost his father a little less than a year before we were married after a long, tough ordeal. I didn't know it at the time, but for our ceremony he wore his father's dogtags from when he was in the Army as a way to have a phyical connection to him under his sherwani. I thought that was incredibly touching and a way to for him to be close to his father on the day. It was something that he didn't share with anyone before hand, so it was all the more special and private for him that day.

    I am not sure if something like that would be helpful for you?
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    temurlangtemurlang member
    Combo Breaker First Comment First Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    *hugs*

    I lost my mom right after our wedding.  It has been very very difficult.  I haven't really been able to celebrate my wedding and my married life thus far has been focused on grieving, sorting through my mom's stuff, and facing family problems.

    All I can say is I'm sure your dad didn't want that for you.  He would want everything to be great and for you to make him proud.

    As for sleeping, I'm on Ambien.  Avoid Benedryl and the like... they can be very hard on the stomach.  I also have days where I wake up and don't want to get out of bed.  Since you're very close to the wedding, can you have a friend stay with you?  Someone who can keep talking so you have an outside focal point?

    This is so difficult and I really feel for you.
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    neetuandsachinneetuandsachin member
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    edited December 2011
    thanks, ladies for the support. yes, i've incorporated my dad in small ways throughout the ceremony. actually,just this morning, i found flowers from the last garden I planted with him that I had dried. I'm going to have half of those used in our wedding ceremony, and save the other half for my baby sister for when she meets the one and gets married.. 

    temurlang- HUGS to you too. I feel for you... i feel the same about some days just being so awful you don't want to do anything. its such an awful, emptying pain and sometimes can feel like a piece of your heart is just gone. i'm actually moving home to my mother's house today so i can be around family all week long. we've got a really supportive extended family and have over 40 of them that will literally be staying with us to help us turn this bittersweet event into something special. dad's presence will be felt even though his physical presence is not there. I'm going to ask people to tell me about their memories of my dad at their own weddings as he's been really an influential patriarch to his whole family...
    take care of yourself and be back in touch when we're back from our hawaii!
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    temurlangtemurlang member
    Combo Breaker First Comment First Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    I have a feeling with all those people and the week's events, you will have a lot of distractions.  I really like the dried flowers idea, and especially that you've saved some for your sister too.

    Don't forget to take a moment by yourself if you need to, and don't let people upset you (only happy talk!).  GL!
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