My First (and only) wedding - His Second.

Re: My First (and only) wedding - His Second.

• handfast4me member

  

  September 2011 edited December 2011

  Welcome to the board.  So, if you're trying to do everything different than the first wedding, then you are, by default, making everything about that first marriage.  Think long and hard about what YOU want (and try to separate that from the desire to make this different than his first wedding), and what he wants, and then proceed. 
  
  Good luck.

  Don't mess with the old dogs; age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill! BS and brilliance only come with age and experience.

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• right1thistime member

  

  September 2011 edited December 2011

  You know the section of the entertainment magazines, "Who wore it better?"  Do that.  You are marrying the same man, but you are just going to do that (the marriage part) SOOO much better. 
  
  Hopefully, if anyone remembers anything about his first wedding, their only response will be how much more appropriate and right it feels this time. 
  
  And I agree with handfast 100%, if you put too much focus on NOT doing it the same as his first, you give needless energy to that event.  ~Donna

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• FluffyCuddleBunny member

  

  September 2011 edited December 2011

  Hi, and welcome!  I'm in the same boat as you - my first, his second.  At first, it was really natural to me to worry about his first wedding.  Would I be wearing a similar dress to her?  Would we be dancing to the same song?  But as I kept on with the planning, I was slowly able to let go of all that stuff.  I have come to the realization that it really doesn't matter - because the only thing that's really important is that he and I are committing ourselves to each other for the rest of our lives.  Our wedding is going to be the best wedding ever - simply because of the love we share.  It doesn't have a thing to do with what flowers we use, or how my hair looks, or what the catering serves.  None of that stuff really matters.  Once I was able to gain some perspective on it, it became fun to think about what we both wanted, and make plans from there.

  
  

  Congratulations on your engagement, and best of luck to you! 

  

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• Avion22 member

  

  September 2011 edited December 2011

  I think that if you plan it together based on what both of you want, then it will be fine.  Like you said, your fiance will let you know if it's something REALLY similar.
  
  As for having his father peform the ceremony, I agree with PPs -- if the only reason you DON'T want to do that is because he did it for his first wedding, then I would forget about that and focus on what both of you want:-)

  

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• Sue-n-Kevin member

  

  September 2011 edited December 2011

  I just got married 2 weeks ago to my hubby in my first marriage.........his third. I never let it bother me at all what happened before. We are of course older middle age, and don't have the perspective many do.
  
  If you focus too much on the prior marriage, you are giving his ex-wife and that situation more power than it deserves. You have a fabulous fiance who wants to share the rest of his life with you. I'm with your family..........get over it.

  
  

  You can have the wedding you both agree you want and it will be lovely. Don't worry about it.

  
  

  Good luck.

  Wedding Website and Bio

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• SoftballUmpire member

  

  September 2011 edited December 2011

  This is my first and FI's third wedding/marriage.  My only concern was the date.  He said he doesn't remember the dates but I think it was to save my sanity and not dwell on those dates when they come around.
  
  I know our date isn't one of them b/c his mother would have given it away.  It actually is his grandparent's date.
  
  Stop thinking about his past wedding - you will drive yourself crazy.  Think about you guys and your future.

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• pattyb105 member

  

  September 2011 edited December 2011

  I am in the same boat as you. However, my finace and I are getting married in the same church (a local one, where we are both members). I too had the same issues with his first marriage. But she planned the whole thing and every detail. She was more concerned about the details than the marriage.

  
  

  We took a different approach and focused on our ceremony and commitment. The bells and whistles may be similair, but that's NOT the point. Enjoy the planning your wedding and stop fretting. It will get you nowhere and only cause issues and tension in your relationship, I know  because I did it too.

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• thealphabride

  

  September 2011 edited December 2011

  If he's such an amazing man, why would you deprive him of having his father perform the ceremony, when it is so important to him?
   
  Remember, it's his wedding too. AND it's his FIRST wedding to YOU.
  

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• greykat

  

  October 2011 edited December 2011

  I think my FI is doing kind of a knee jerk reaction to similarities to his first marriage. At first he said a plain band because he had a swirly decorative thing before. I started showing him some I liked and they are completely different- but far from plain. 

  
  

  I am going to ask him some questions about his first ceremony and reception and his opinion on specifics- what was their unity ritual and did he like the symbolism- things like. He's a very concrete thinker and does better with examples he can relate too. I am also going to be asking him specifics about our friends' weddings. He needs concrete imagery. I should prolly ask what he liked about his dad's second wedding too! 

  
  

  I'm not overly concerned with elements being similar to his first experience- they either are or they aren't, but we're different people. 

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