"honeymoon jar"

36798099 · January 2013

DD's BFFs were over tonight so that we could discuss wedding plans as a group and keep everybody on the same page...brainstorm ideas, etc. several of the girls brought up a 'honeymoon jar' and if one was planned for the wedding. it apparently is a large jar or container placed with the escort cards, photo albums and such with a note that states 'honeymoon' and sometimes an explanation of where you would like to go and what activities you would like to do. i was, am, appalled. i get that the 'dollar dance' is a cultural tradition for some, but this is just horrifying to me. DD said she had seen it at the weddings of a few friends. i mean really??? are people doing this?? am i wrong to think *ell no not this wedding?

Simply Fated · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_honeymoon-jar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:80819f5f-5514-4860-8464-fc4ae409c038Post:27a63841-bb45-4e93-993d-3e952c2aa93c">"honeymoon jar"</a>:
[QUOTE]DD's BFFs were over tonight so that we could discuss wedding plans as a group and keep everybody on the same page...brainstorm ideas, etc. several of the girls brought up a 'honeymoon jar' and if one was planned for the wedding. it apparently is a large jar or container placed with the escort cards, photo albums and such with a note that states 'honeymoon' and sometimes an explanation of where you would like to go and what activities you would like to do. i was, am, appalled. i get that the 'dollar dance' is a cultural tradition for some, but this is just horrifying to me. DD said she had seen it at the weddings of a few friends. i mean really??? are people doing this?? am i wrong to think *ell no not this wedding?
Posted by lisareinbold[/QUOTE]
Yeah, people do this. People suck.

I'm as appalled as you are. People will do anything, even put out a jar for cash, like it's a tip jar or something. That's what I think of when I hear about couples doing that. That and homeless people on the streets holding out coffee cups begging for loose change.

36798099 · January 2013

o.O o.m.g....i was half hoping they were joking. i swear if one appears at this wedding i'm going to have an 'unfortunate' trip and fall and the jar is going to be gone.....

mlg78 · January 2013

I pray this isn't a trend that starts... They have honeymoon registries or use the money you get as a gift. I don't understand people sometimes...

AdeleDazeem · January 2013

I've never seen one - so there's that! A small amount of hope.

Was your daughter on board with it or humoring her friends? When you first start out on this road, etiquette and being a good host aren't high on the list. You hear "Money for honeymoon!" and think "YES." The realization comes later - sometimes with help with from Mom...

AddieCake · January 2013

As I opened the thread, I was praying it was like a "swear jar" where the couple puts money in a jar for themselves to save for a honemoon every time they swear. But alas.....ewwwww.

loca4pook · January 2013

I went to the mall the other day and one of the stores had a tip jar that said "help pay for my wedding"

I thought that was tacky

libby2483 · January 2013

Oh, yuck. You are correct in being appalled. Please advise her not to do this.

mlg78 · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_honeymoon-jar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:80819f5f-5514-4860-8464-fc4ae409c038Post:e5214d5e-86c1-4d91-82cf-12ff3348a539">Re: "honeymoon jar"</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm sure their $72 honeymoon will be fabulous.
Posted by Harry87[/QUOTE]
Haha! Oh look, a night at the Red Roof Inn in the city the next county over! :)

efmcc67 · January 2013

I've never seen this, but alas since I've started planning, bad ideas like this keep cropping up. I've seen suggestions to put them on all of the dinner tables at the reception, I guess to really make sure that no one misses it. I've also heard the suggestion that, instead of clinking glasses to ask the couple to kiss, ask guests to put money in a jar. Ugh. What is happening to our culture?

Summer2011Bride · January 2013

I hadn't heard of this until TK and thank God none of the weddings I've attended had this. I really hope the trend doesn't start spreading. Yuck. How tacky.

sarahdactyI · January 2013

FWIW I've seen a few versions of this floating around Pinterest. I wish there were a way to just kill pins so that people don't continue thinking it's acceptable!!! I had to stop looking at wedding pins because the annoying ideas for collecting money are ridiculous.

I've never seen it done at a wedding but I think unfortunately it's only a matter of time.

egeurts · January 2013

Yup, it started on Pinterest, and I think that's why it's becoming so popular. Unfortunately, popular doesn't equal socially acceptable. People lack common sense.

TiffanyT816 · January 2013

This is as bad as the "money tree" I saw at a wedding....where the couple also did the money dance. The whole thing screamed tacky.

jennyd412 · January 2013

I've never heard of this...sounds so tacky. Addie, a swear jar for honeymoon savings might not be a bad idea! We would probably collect quite a bit just watching a few sports events

Kate61487 · January 2013

Unfortunately it was around prior to Pinterest. One of H's cousins had such a jar at their joint bachelor/bachelorette party 5 years ago. Though pinterest is definitely helping to perpetuate this awful idea. Please try to talk your daughter out of this. They will undoubtedly receive plenty of generous cash gifts at their wedding and can use that money to take a honeymoon if they desire; no need to offend their guests with a tacky money request

MobKaz · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_honeymoon-jar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:80819f5f-5514-4860-8464-fc4ae409c038Post:2fe85bd3-d02c-480d-999e-58f18756a3fe">Re: "honeymoon jar"</a>:
[QUOTE]FWIW I've seen a few versions of this floating around Pinterest. I wish there were a way to just <strong>kill pins</strong> so that people don't continue thinking it's acceptable!!! I had to stop looking at wedding pins because the annoying ideas for collecting money are ridiculous. I've never seen it done at a wedding but I think unfortunately it's only a matter of time.
Posted by sarahdactyI[/QUOTE]

<div>I have never seen this, and hope to high heaven I never do.</div><div>
</div><div>Perhaps Pinterest pinning people should start some sort of board entitled, "Things to Never Do", and include all things rude, crude, and tacky. Hopefully that board will counteract some of the insanity being spread. It obviously won't stop it completely, because "stupid is as stupid does", but perhaps it would give pause to thnk.</div><div>
</div><div>
</div>

jenn5628 · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_honeymoon-jar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:80819f5f-5514-4860-8464-fc4ae409c038Post:7e7010c7-a7e6-41a4-a434-11a1f7431fa1">Re: "honeymoon jar"</a>:
[QUOTE]I've never seen this, but alas since I've started planning, bad ideas like this keep cropping up. I've seen suggestions to put them on all of the dinner tables at the reception, I guess to really make sure that no one misses it. I've also heard the suggestion that, instead of clinking glasses to ask the couple to kiss, ask guests to put money in a jar. Ugh. What is happening to our culture?
Posted by efmcc67[/QUOTE]

<div>I think that is what's happening to our culture, because this generation (myself included on some occassions) tends to live beyond its means, with a 'buy now, pay later' attitude. If you can't afford to go on your honeymoon right away (maybe because you spent too much on your lavish wedding), then save some money and go next year! It's not your guests' jobs to make sure you get the honeymoon of your dreams.</div>

OliveOilsMom · January 2013

OP, I would have a chat with DD about this. A former friend wanted to have a dollar dance at her wedding. It was neither cultural or prevalent in our area. Thankfully a friend was able to talk her out of it!

monkeysip · January 2013

As long as you put a cutesy poem with the honeymoon jar, it's fine, right? Isn't that how it works?

[Deleted User] · January 2013

I'm not going to lie, I started a board on my Pinterest account titled "Rude, Tacky and Shameful Wedding Ideas" all because of this discussion. It oddly makes me feel better having all the bad ideas I come across now go right on the board. Maybe it will help a few people.

ashleestadt · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_honeymoon-jar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:80819f5f-5514-4860-8464-fc4ae409c038Post:27a63841-bb45-4e93-993d-3e952c2aa93c">"honeymoon jar"</a>:
[QUOTE]DD's BFFs were over tonight so that we could discuss wedding plans as a group and keep everybody on the same page...brainstorm ideas, etc. several of the girls brought up a 'honeymoon jar' and if one was planned for the wedding. it apparently is a large jar or container placed with the escort cards, photo albums and such with a note that states 'honeymoon' and sometimes an explanation of where you would like to go and what activities you would like to do. i was, am, appalled. i get that the 'dollar dance' is a cultural tradition for some, but this is just horrifying to me. DD said she had seen it at the weddings of a few friends. i mean really??? are people doing this?? am i wrong to think *ell no not this wedding?
Posted by lisareinbold[/QUOTE]

I too am disappointed at couples who have decided to do this at their receptions. I haven't been to a wedding where I've actually seen this done, but I've seen the idea of a honeymoon jar posted on Pinterest, etc. I just think it's flat out rude and tacky. You're already asking people to give you a wedding gift and spend money on travel and hotel, and now you're asking for straight up cash. This is definitely something my fiance and I are not having at our wedding.

jenajjthr · January 2013

The first and only time I've seen a money tree is at a wedding when I was a little girl. I had no idea what is was and wondered if it was for the guests to take money off of it. My fear of it now is if you do something like that or the jar, what is to keep somebody from taking off with it or grabbing a handful out.

CourtAA · January 2013

One of my mom's cousins had this at her wedding. Our whole family was embarrassed for her. I feel like it makes the people look like they are begging for money, as if your presence & gift weren't enough, they need whatever cash you have on hand as well. SMH!

handheld · January 2013

Meh I wouldnt be offended if I saw one at a wedding, its probably not something I would do at mine. I also wouldn't do a dollar dance as I am not a stripper. So since you dont like the idea and dont want to do it, simply don't do it. Its your day after all. I am more offended by the idea people keep suggesting to me where you have to jars with his and hers names on them and the one with more money gets cake shoved in there face...ew.

Edit: I am sorry I misread your orginal post. Since its your daughters day it would be up to her, however if my mother were as bothered by something as you are by this I proably wouldnt do it so just let her know how you feel :-)

reppunzel · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_honeymoon-jar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:80819f5f-5514-4860-8464-fc4ae409c038Post:7e7010c7-a7e6-41a4-a434-11a1f7431fa1">Re: "honeymoon jar"</a>:
[QUOTE]I've never seen this, but alas since I've started planning, bad ideas like this keep cropping up. I've seen suggestions to put them on all of the dinner tables at the reception, I guess to really make sure that no one misses it. <strong>I've also heard the suggestion that, instead of clinking glasses to ask the couple to kiss, ask guests to put money in a jar. Ugh.</strong> What is happening to our culture?
Posted by efmcc67[/QUOTE]

I've seen this. $1 per kiss into a jar on the head table "to help them pay for their honeymoon." So someone puts in $5 ... slightly longer kiss. Someone pulled out a $10 ... longer kiss, and everyone was watching because it wasn't a big room. Theeeeeeen, inevitably, someone got the bright idea to put in $50 (or maybe it was $100 -- can't remember) and "see what happened". He made a huge production of it: pulling it out of his wallet reeeeeallly slowly and into the jar in strip-tease fashion ... then some of his equally-socially-inept friends tried to start rhythmic clapping. I was dying inside for my quiet, conservative friend (the bride). As I remember they kissed very briefly, and I think that was the end of it.

jcrmc · January 2013

You can always register at a local travel agency and people can essentially purchase gift certificates that are kept on account with them, if that is something you would like. I have a few friends that did that, as they were older marrieds, already had the majority of the house stuff that goes on bridal registries, and couldnt think of a thing they wanted but a vacation together.

36798099 · January 2013

have talked to DD about this, a bit tricky as i don't want to come off as disapproving of her BFF, who is a nice girl, but her family does things...um...very differently from ours...this is also the same girl who has commented that 800-1000 for a gown is 'just cheap'...so priorities are a bit squed from my own. DD swears she will not do it. as for the 'dollar dance' we do not intend to do it, and dearly hope no-one else tries...

freehugs015 · March 2014

oh man I always thought of honeymoon jars as the little jar FI and I have sitting by the door and any change/cash we have in our wallets at the end of the day goes in there....not doing that at my wedding!

KeptInStitches · March 2014

@knotporscha, zombie thread. But glad to hear you're not doing that at your wedding, @freehugs015.

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