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Best Man Melt Down

thwinstelthwinstel member
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in Ohio-Cincinnati
When my FH and I got engaged we each called our siblings and asked them to be our maid of honor and best man. My little sister was thrilled and can not stop talking about it. My FH's brother was not so thrilled, and said that he would have to think about it and then proceeded to tell him that he does not like me and our marriage will not work. I saw the pain in my FHface and it killed me, but my FH has been trying to play it off like it does not hurt him.  Well it has now been 3 months with no answer and we have seen him a lot of family get together. His brother also ignores me at such an extreme that my FMIL asked me about it at a bridal show we went to. Today my FH text him about getting an answer and we have heard nothing back from him. His brother is a little different and socially awkward. He does not have a lot of friends and has only dated once in high school. He also does not know me very well and since he works retail he can never seem to get off work to hang out with us. 

What do we do? I know that he is probably very jealous that his little brother is getting married before him. But we need to know if one of his other friends needs to step up and be his best man and I need to start getting prices together for the grooms men. We are also having only family in the bridal party so his brothers absence will be extremely noticeable.

Should we give him a deadline to let us know? Should we leave it be? Has this happened to other people? I need advice!

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Re: Best Man Melt Down

  • tiffjjrtiffjjr member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I think your FI needs to have a "man ta man' with him about it.  let him handle it.
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  • RCK4485RCK4485
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In my opinion, you need to ask someone else to be the best man. It is an unfortunate situation that his brother is acting this way, but you have asked and asked and he does not have the respect to swallow his pride and say yes, or regretfully decline. Like you said, you need to start getting plans/prices together, and do you really want something like this to be  stressing you out? you can't control his brother, and you have tried to include him in a big way. I would have you FH talk to him, and express how much you BOTH want him to be a part of yoour big day, and if he still won't accept, you need to find someone who will be proud to stand up there with you and your fiance
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  • dori851dori851 member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I would definitely have your FI sit down & have a talk with him. He should tell him that you both would like him to be a part of your big day & how important it is to you two. If he can't give your FI an answer either during this talk or shortly after, I would say find a new best man. That's unfortunate your FBIL is being like this; sorry!
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  • thwinstelthwinstel member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    My FH did have a talk with him and was told that he did not want to be in the wedding and we needed to find someone else. I do not understand how a person can be that mean. MY FH and I are both in our mid/late 20's and knew from the first date that we were going to be together (we will be together 2 years when we get married). Even if he does not support our decision he should still support his brother.
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  • RCK4485RCK4485
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    people can act really strange and sometimes extremely hurtful during a wedding. unfortunately, some people have a hard time seeing that this is about celebrating you and your fiance, and this time is not about them. I'm really sorry that someone so close to you is acting this way. But you can't control anyone's actions or make them behave a certain way, so the best thing is to just stay positive anf remind yourself about all of the freinds and family that you DO have, that ARE happy for you and want to celebrate you and your Fiance!  

    Trust me, I'm sure most of us can relate to this in one way or another. I have had a couple of family members treat me very poorly because we are doing an adult only reception. In fact, some of them are not even attending my wedding. All I keep thinking is "Really?? Are you really that selfish that you have to be so ugly to me at my wedding shower and not even attend my wedding because I am having an extremely formal wedding with no kids?? is this really happening???" But then I have to try and focus on all of the other people who are excited and whoe ARE happy for us. I know it's hard, but try and not waste any more time and energy and emothion on those who are only going to bring you down during the happiest time of your life!
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  • hccpsuhccpsu member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Honestly, you're better off without him being best man, when you know he doesn't support your marriage.  Find someone that is happy for the two of you.
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