FI Worried I'm "rushing"

Re: FI Worried I'm "rushing"

• mandi195

  

  September 2012

  Communication... While I understand your excitement, and it is justified; planning a wedding when the groom isn't on board for it in that timeframe is very unfair to him.

  Praying for a miracle!

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• K Everdeen12

  

  September 2012 edited September 2012

  Have you showed him how you plan to save up that money in the next year?  (Ex.: "We can save $XX per month, over 12 months, that is equal to $XXXXX for the wedding.")

  
  

  Keep in mind that buying things throughout the year means that you will be paying for things through out the year.  Many times, there are deposits and payments due to vendors before the wedding even takes place.  (My catering and alcohol costs will be 50% paid 6 months before the wedding.)  Also, DIY doesn't always save money or time, so make sure you have a budget for every single aspect of the wedding, and stick to it.  

  
  

  To be honest, FI and I don't have the money sitting in our joint account to pay for the wedding right now.  We are saving money each month to reach our goal.  It's a little bit stressful - it would have been nicer to have that money already sitting there so that we would be able to pay for it if anything happened.  Luckily, FI's personal savings would help us in a bind, so it makes me feel somewhat better.  But I can see why your FI would want to have the money in the bank already.  You guys just need to communicate - how does he want to approach saving money and at what point would he be comfortable putting down deposits and signing contracts for the large costs.  You two definitely need to be on the same page with your budget and how you will approach your savings plan.  

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• nextrightthing member

  

  September 2012

  I would create a wedding budget based on how many guests you think you want to invite, and talk to him about how much you have to save per month.  See if he is on board when there is an actual plan.
  We are also paying for our wedding ourselves, and we certainly don't have it "in the bank."  That's why we are having almost a two year engagement.  We are saving every month, although I will say that deposits have been due, so we have come up with the cash for that. 
  Your FI might be worried about charging stuff, which is a totally justified concern! 

  

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• calliopeia2013 member

  

  September 2012

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_fi-worried-im-rushing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:63da9cc8-e425-43f1-a0d9-1bd6b9739286Post:157058a9-4ac5-4d1c-983e-9e123e39a374">FI Worried I'm "rushing"</a>:
  [QUOTE]Hello! First post here.. Need a bit of advice! I have been engaged for about 3 months, but we've been together almost 5 years now, and talked about marriage quite a bit. It's just finally becoming REAL with the ring & engagement. So I'm sure every bride can understand my excitement to get things rolling. Well I have found a beautiful location to have the ceremony & reception at and planning the date for next October. That's over a year away. The venue isn't extremely expensive, under $2600, that is mostly because it allows you to bring your own food & alcohol in, (which is what I was looking for in a venue). Well now that it is time for the deposit to be due by the end of this week, my fiance decides that he wants to finally voice his opinion and say that he thinks we should put it off for a while because we don't have the money "sitting in the bank" to pay for it. We are paying for the wedding ourselves which is why I have plans to save for the whole year to come as well as DIY everything possible and pick up things here and there through out the next year so that when the time comes we don't have a huge debt or stress of trying to buy everything last minute. I guess what he doesn't understand is that it IS POSSIBLE to plan a wedding a year out and save the money to pay for it when the time comes. He is a great guy and I can't see myself with anyone else.. but I am stuck right now on what to do! I don't like the idea of planning this wedding with the feeling of him not being on board! I am hoping that he will give in, but he's not the easiest person to talk to when it comes to changing his mind about something! I just wish he could see it how I do.. He says he wants nothing more than to marry me, but "when the time is right" or when "we have the money" well, I don't think we'll ever have all the money we will need just SITTING in the bank, it's about saving and having the best wedding we can on the money that we have!  Am I being selfish here? <strong>Should I wait until he's on board with it?</strong> I feel like that may never happen...and we will have just a long engagement of wasted years & no marriage.. help!
  Posted by MandieStaz[/QUOTE]
  
  Ok, first of all, of course you should wait until he's on board with it.  I mean, your other option is to plan a wedding for a fiance who...doesn't want to get married (at least not then/in those circumstances).
  
  This conversation, about money and about timelines, if one of the most important ones you can possibly have.  Now that you're engaged, you're looking at spending the rest of your life together.  You're going to have to have this same conversation when it comes time to buy a house, to have kids, to change jobs or move cities or go back to school.  If you can't have it now, over something so frivolous as what really just amounts to planning a big party (which of course is the expensive part of wedding planning), how do you think it's going to go when you want to start having kids and he doesn't think you're financially stable enough yet?  (Or whatever.)
  
  If you're having trouble communicating about this, I really can't stress enough the importance of looking into some pre-marital counseling, or at least picking up a few of those marital communication self-help books or something.
  
  Or, and I think there's something underlying your post that suggests that you're worried about this, is there part of you that's afraid he isn't really sure he wants to marry you and is stalling for that reason?

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