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I am so close to cancelling this wedding......

LoveyFNRLoveyFNR member
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in Chit Chat
This is quite a long vent.

My FH and I love each other dearly but we have had nothing but problems with money and family since we decided to get married. His family is extremely low on money and can barely make their rent so they're not contributing anything, but they are EXTREMELY loving and supportive and that is enough for us. My mom and stepdad are supportive and are contributing a nice amount to help us but my mom wants say in everything we do and is furious that FH's parents won't contribute. It's causing her to write FMIL embarassing emails asking them to contribute even though I told her they can't afford it. FMIL continues to ignore my mom's emails which is offending both my mom and annoying FMIL. Now they are beginning to bad talk each other and I am the one in the middle having to hear it all. FH obviously is behind his mom and will take her side.

Now my dad (who hasn't been much of a dad to me my whole life) is constantly making up lies about FH and saying everything he can to destroy our wedding. He told my mom he'd match her and contribute but he keeps playing games with me. The last time I went to "spend quality time" with him he was so high on drugs he passed out 30 minutes after I got there. FH wants me to cut him completely out of my life.

I am so fed up with money and drama that I am close to just calling the entire thing off and running away to Vegas with FH to get married. I feel bad though since we have 8 bridesmaids and 8 groomesmen who all paid for their dresses and tuxes and they cannot return them. I'm beginning to cry daily because of the stress and hearing nothing but bad things about everyone and I can't even bring myself to enjoy the pleasures of planning our wedding. What in the world would you do in this situation? I just feel like I can't handle the stress the families are making in our lives anymore and I'm just going to hit my breaking point any second.

That felt good to get off my chest.....
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Re: I am so close to cancelling this wedding......

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    LoveyFNRLoveyFNR member
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    And sorry if this is the wrong place to post this. I didn't know where else.
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    goheels05goheels05
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    Eep that really sucks.  Your mom is being way out of line. 
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    golden1215golden1215 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    Honestly, depending on how much I'd lose in downpayents and bookings fee, I would elope.  I wanted to elope for a long time and we didn't even have your tough situation! 

    Your wedding day should be enjoyable; if it's not going to be, then I don't think your friends (if they are true friends) would fault you for eloping.
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    psichickpsichick
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    sounds like the only real problem is your mother. tell her to stop with the emails, it's that simple. you need to stand up to her.
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    LoveyFNRLoveyFNR member
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    We would only lose about $1,000 in deposits so it's not a huge deal. I think all we need is each other to be happy.
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    [Deleted User][Deleted User]
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    It honestly sounds like your best bet is to elope. Or, since you have the wedding party to consider, have a small ceremony with just them and your officiant, like on the beach or something, then all go out to eat or some other kind of celebration.

    Your mom is out of line and needs to be put in her place. Your dad doesn't even sound worth the effort, so I agree with your FI. It sucks that you have to go through all this, but you have to do what's best for you. If you and FI want to elope, go for it.
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    HuskerfanzHuskerfanz member
    First Comment
    I'm assuming there would be some money saved by not having the wedding and eloping instead.  You could offer to pay for the dresses and tuxes with that savings.  You could talk to the rental place and bridal store about getting some money back.

    You could pay for your own wedding and then you wouldn't have to deal with money drama.

    You should talk to your mom about her actions and how it puts you in the middle as the problem is unlikely to go away after the wedding.  Make sure you and both sets of parents have a good idea of expectations of what life is going to be like after the wedding.

    Good luck!
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    JFH2010JFH2010 member
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    It sounds like a small wedding with just the wedding party might be a good compromise.  That way your closest friends are still involved, and there's a clear cut-off for who is invited.  It sounds really rough, I'm sorry you're having to deal with it.
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    skippylouwhoskippylouwho member
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    Why not arrange with your minister to have just you, fi, bm/gm on a Friday night. Go out to dinner afteward with just that group and pick up the tab. They all get to wear their nice clothes and you get a small, quiet wedding. Low cost too.

    You can notify both sets of parents (or not) that this is when it is, this is what it is and if youw ant to be there - show up in your nice clothes with your mouths shut or don't show up at all.

    To be married you don't have to have a big wedding - you have to have each other (!), a license, a registered officient.  So do it quietly, simply and enjoy it with a lot less stress.


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    526SadieSadie526SadieSadie
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    I am so so sorry you're dealing with this nightmare.  In the end, losing $1000 bucks isn't great, but it might be worth it to elope, that's what I would do if I were in your shoes, good luck.
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    Ishaba11Ishaba11 member
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    Definitely tell your mother to stay out of it. Thats not only rude but toally uncalled for. My FILs are in the same boat with barely making their rent. FMIL is the only one working because FI's dad was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer last June. I dont expect them to contribute anything but their support and maybe helping me stuff envelopes for invitations if they wish to be involved at all. My mother would know better than to ask anyone to contribute but then again I think my parents wont even be contributing other than maybe buying my dress for me. Plus, traditionally (if you're going by tradition) the grooms family usually pays for rehearsal dinner not contributes to any wedding expense. I think it's rude to ask anyone to pay for anything ( i know you arent but you should definitely stand up to your mother). Anyone who offers to pay for something is one thing but you (or your mother) should never ask.

    As for eloping, I say do what makes YOU happy. If that is truly what you want to do, then dont let anyone stand in your way.
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    CaptiolBrideCaptiolBride
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    that's really horrible. Have you considered going to the courthouse. Having a small dinner afterwards?
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    trix1223trix1223 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    I like skippy's advice.  And I'd tell your FMIL not to open any emails that come from your mother.

    Your mother is SO far out of line here.  I know she's your mom, but wow.  She's really, really overstepping every boundary here!

    Good luck.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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    spajespaje
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    I'm w/ the pp's on this one.  Do what makes you happy.   I like the ideas of having just the smaller wedding w/ just you,your FI, and your brida/groms party.  Small and simple.  I can tell you my 1st marriage was an elopement, and after that wanted the big wedding the whole 12 years of that marriage.  (after the way things turned out... I'm glad we didn't!)  I do agree w/ your FI that you don't need that father in your life.  Unless he straightens his act out!  and your mom is out of line.  While yes, she should have a say if she's paying for it - you may have to have a meeting of the minds and compromise a bit.  But the Emails to your FI's family re the money is too much! It's one thing for chit chat, getting to know you it's another thing to harrass about the money.Wink
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    luckyme502luckyme502 member
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    You need to tell your mom to stop with the emails and tell her that is rude an uncalled for.  You have one month left, so you need to decide what you want to do. 
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    MomoKubiakMomoKubiak member
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    Elope for sure.  And if your wedding party are truly friends, they'll understand.  Wouldn't you?
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    HisCBHisCB
    First Comment
    one option:

    if you can, get money back from as many places as you can, take that and any money you have already gotten, from yourselves or her, take it, plan a small ceremony with just people who really matter, if you feel you must, invite your parents last minute so they only get to show up and enjoy it, no planning, no changing anything.

    if you decide to go along with the oringinal wedding, stand up to your mom, cut off your dad, appologize to FMIL.
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