Jewish Weddings

Wedding Help Please

Hello,

I lurk on this board sometimes, but am early in the planning process, so I haven't gotten too deep.  But I need some advice....

My FI and I are getting married early next October on a Saturday night.  Its still daylight savings, so sunset isn't until about 6:45pm (I'm told "jewish sunset" is later).  We had planned on having my cousin, a cantor, officiate our wedding.  Ketubah signing, ceremony, cocktails, reception....that's the timeline.

However, sadly, my cousin has relapsed in illness and her prognosis is not good. We are all very upset by this and hope that she makes it through her surgery and recovery.  Obviously we all want her to focus on herself.  However, we are trying to be realistic and are looking into a contigency plan in case she is not up to the task or too sick next year.

We contacted our Rabbi, who is available for our date. However, he will not leave his home on Saturday until approximately 7:15ish pm.  Travel time to our venue is probably 20 minutes or so without traffic or delays.  He has said he could start the ketubah signing at 7:45 ish, and then moving quickly, we could start the ceremony around 8pm.  However, this puts cocktails at 8:30pm and dinner/reception not starting until 9:30pm.  I hate to make people eat that late at night, and I doubt people will want to stay until 1:30am. Plus, there is the possibility of having to pay our vendors overtime to stay that late.  I don't think our venue has a curfew though.

One options we were presented was doing cocktails first.  However....in addition to not wanting people to be tipsy during the ceremony, we are having the ceremony and reception in the same space.  So there would be approx 30 minutes where our guests would have nothing to do while they turn the space over.  So, cocktails 2.0??  What do I do??

Im considering finding another officiant who is more lenient about start times, but they would be a stranger... 

I appreciate all advice!!  Thank you so much for taking the time to read this long post.

Cara
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Re: Wedding Help Please

  • RachiemooRachiemoo member
    First Anniversary First Comment Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Hi Cara and welcome to the board.

    Sorry to hear about your cousin, I hope she gets well.

    I personally don't think you should have the ceremony before Shabbat is over. I think you should go with the cocktail hour before the ceremony.  I don't think you'll have to worry about too many people getting tipsy, especially if you're serving a lot of delicious hors d'ourves.

    Is there any other space where you could have the pre-ceremony cocktail hour?  Perhaps there is an outdoor area or something? 

    Another idea that I've seen at a few venues, is they will put some sort of curtains/divider up in half of the space where the reception will and they have the ceremony in this space, then they will send you into another room for the cocktail while they fix up the other half of the reception room that was just used for the ceremony (hopefully this makes sense, not sure how well I explained it).
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  • edited December 2011
    Thanks for the response! I am a bit confused though... if we do cocktails before the ceremony, that's fine except there is 30-45 mintues between the ceremony and dinner where guests will be booted from the room (and back to cocktail space), so we would need to do something with our guests while they turn the space from ceremony to reception.  Does that make sense?  So if we do a full cocktail hour, then the ceremony, there is still 45 minutes until we can start the reception. 

    We are thinking of maybe doing a small cocktail thing for 30 minutes before the ceremony, maybe cookies and cider.  (it may be too cold to be outside?)  Then having the ceremony. Then doing cocktails for 45 minutes while they change the room.  The reception still won't start until after 9pm, so its late. But hopefully people will be understanding.  If we didn't have to turn the room over from ceremony to reception, we could do cocktails first and then go right through everything.  Unfortunately, there isn't another space there for the ceremony.
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  • Danaz1Danaz1 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    are you completely set on doing it saturday.  A lot of people do theirs on Sundays to avoid the whole shabbat thing.  I really liked being part of my cocktail hour and if you have it before then you may not be able to.  If you want you could use a reform rabbi they are not as strict about sundown.  
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  • edited December 2011
    Thanks! I was totally out-voted on having a Sunday. I would have loved it, much more relaxed, we could have daylight, etc.  However, my FI, parents and thinking of out-of-towners.... so we're doing a Saturday.  I did speak to the coordinator at our venue, and they've done this plenty of times and said that summertime saturday weddings are even later.  I guess if we set the timeline and just make sure everyone is aware, without apologizing for it, people will be fine.

    I think I just freaked out this morning. :-)

    Thanks for the responses! Any other ideas, I'm all ears.

    Thanks,
    Cara
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  • ABH2105ABH2105 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Hi Cara,

    I think having a later start time to accommadate for Shabbat is normal and really will not interfere with your or your guests enjoyment of the evening.

    A few suggestions though - if you are worried about having a little bit of time before with your guests, before the rabbi shows up - you could do a communal havdalah (the service that ends Shabbat) I am not sure if your ketubah signing is publc or private (will all of the guests watch the ketubah signing or is it just immediate family?)  If the signing ceremony is public, it may be nice to have everyone first participate in havdalah. It will kill time and also, it really goes a long way to bringing all of your guests, and both sides of the family, together as one community. Especially if most of your guest identify as Jewish, then its a really special touch. Then publically signing the ketubah will also add to the feeling that your guests are really taking part in your committment.

    Also, the last saturday night Jewish wedding I went to ended at 2 am. As the guests were leaving they had an AMAZING spread of coffee, danishes, crossiants, and muffins near the exit. They had  doggie bags with the names of the bride and groom and the date of the wedding. So every guest could take home a little sunday morning breakfast. They also had a stand with the Sunday New York Times at the exit too, for each guest (this couple was particularly blessed with a large budget)

    anyway, there are a lot of cute ways to end a late night/early morning affair, and many many jewish couples have late saturday night weddings!

    My thoughts and prayers for your cousin on her speedy recovery.

  • edited December 2011
    ABH - thanks for your post!  The havdalah is a great idea!  I think about half of our guests are not jewish, but they might like seeing a different tradition/custom.  I had planned on our ketubah signing being private, but I never considered it being public before.  My FI is intent on having the ceremony run no longer than 30 minutes, but I don't want to sacrifice anything based on time.  I figure if we feed them a little bit before hand, they'll be quiet enough to sit through the ceremony!

    I love the idea of breakfast and a paper on the way out the door...not sure if its in the budget though. :-)

    Thanks again!
    Cara
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  • dianalaurendianalauren member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Hi Cara,
    I think I've seen you on the Philly board-I'm a recent Philly knottie newlywed.  My wedding was called for 7:30 and everything worked out just fine.  You can also work with your caterer on the timeline so that dinner can be a little earlier, and even shorten cocktail hour by 15 minutes.  Feel free to page me if you ever need Philly Jewish wedding planning advice!
  • stahlopstahlop member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I had a friend who had to cocktail times.  She had a Jewish ceremony (on a Sunday though) and we had little trays of food when we first got there before the bride came out to greet and then we had to go sing to get the groom.  They signed the ketubah, had the ceremony and then we had another cocktail time.  This time with fuller appetizer's.  So it can work.
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