Having kids

Resa77 · December 2012

I thought this would be informative to talk about. What has influenced your decisions to TTA, TTC, or TTW? Do you wish you had maybe made a different choice at any point in your marriage? Are you happy with TTA for a couple years, or with TTC right away? If you have more than one child, was it easier to make the leap to TTC?

Resa77 · December 2012

For me, I'm TTA mostly for financial reasons. However, I also recognize other benefits to waiting, such as getting really good at NFP, as well as adjusting to marriage. Right now TTC seems SUPER far away, but we're open to making changes to our plan as our situation changes, or as we maybe just change our minds. For now, I'll just have to enjoy my nieces and nephews!

erin5286 · December 2012

For me, we're TTA for financial/logistical reasons. We don't really have the money, and DEFINITELY don't have the space for a baby right now. We would like to get our condo sold, get settled in a bigger place, and be a bit more solid financially before TTC. Also, I want us to have a little more time as a marrried couple alone to grow our relationship before having kids.
Ideally, I'd like to have my first baby sometime while I'm 28, and I'm just over 26 1/2 now. So, I'm prayinng that everything goes in the right direction for us in the next year so that we can stick to our "plan."

femme55 · December 2012

I know TTC=trying to conceive, but what do TTA and TTW mean? trying to abstain/trying to wait?

erin5286 · December 2012

TTA = Trying To Avoid (conceiving, that is).

From what I understand, TTW = Trying To Whatever, where a couple is neither specifically trying to conceive nor specifically trying to avoid, just letting whatever happens happen. Someone else might be able to explain that one better if mine didn't make sense (or is incorrect).

Resa77 · December 2012

TTA= trying to avoid (conception), and TTW= trying to "whatever" (For us Catholics, it means not using NFP to avoid or to conceive. You're not avoiding fertile days, but you're also not trying to utlize them either. Just doing whatever, whenever, and seeing what happens).

Erin -- I'm also 26 1/2 and I wish I would be TTC by 28, but it doesn't look like things will work out that quickly for us.

erin5286 · December 2012

I certainly hope to be TTC by 28, we'll see how it goes. Sometimes I want to just say what the hell, let's TTC now, and we'll have 9 months to figure it all out, but I know that's reckless and not the best way to go about it. Especially when I think about all the additional costs a baby would add to our monthly budget, and we're just not there yet. However, my H is 5 years older than me almost to the day, and he always jokes that he doesn't want to wait until he's an "old man"' to become a father.

My older sister has told me that she and her husband plan to start trying to have children when she's 30, which is in about a year. It would be such fun if we had children that were close in age.

Resa77 · December 2012

See, I married a younger man, so sometimes I have to remind myself that I just have to wait for him sometimes. I hate the idea of waiting til I'm in my 30s to have kids, but that might just have to be the case. My Napro doctor really reassured me about TTA, though, which I appreciated. You don't get that kind of spiritual/medical/emotional support from most doctors, you know?

itzMS · December 2012

DH & I are officially in the TTWhatever crowd. We're both healthy, good jobs, room to grow a family, but neither of us has been bitten by the baby bug quite yet.

We agreed to TTWhatever for 5 years and continue to discuss if TTA or TTC would be necessary.

erin5286 · December 2012

How great that you have such a supportive doc - I wish I could see a Napro or Creighton-focused doctor. There's only one in my town, and when I called he's no longer taking new patients. Can't hurt to ask again I guess, considering the person I saw before in his office is no longer there according to their website.

bibliophile2010 · December 2012

When we initially decided to TTW it was a decision that we no longer had good reasons to avoid, which is a decision that, IMO, needs to be made prayerfully. If I'm being totally honest, I was still really scared about TTC/W when we switched from TTA, but I was overwhelmed with surety about it being time while in prayer before the Blessed Sacrament. I got pregnant the first month "trying."

We're also a little older (30 and 31), so I think that made a difference in our overall mindset as well.

Right now, we are TTA. We don't have a fixed end point. We just agree that we are not ready for another yet. I think frequently about what a good time for another would be, but I try not to overplan these things, especially since there are still lots of things that can change in the next year or two and achieving certainly may not be as easy the second time around.

For me, the difference between TTW and TTC is a mindset of using whatever days and letting what happens happens. TTC, to me, is using particular days specifically because they are fertile. For Creighton (and probably other methods) there are special TTC "rules" to help achieve pregnancy. Officially, in Creighton, for example, there is no such thing as TTW. If you use fertile days, you are TTC.

SCD1126 · December 2012

I have two children from a previous marriage. I am not dying to have another, but I'm not opposed to it either. One step at a time. I want to get married, settle into a new family routine, then decide what's best for us.

My fiance is 42, but doesn't seem to be in a rush (his dad was 48 when FI was born so I think that's one reason why - he still has a few good years LOL).

My first husband and I used NFP to avoid for the first year, then he started begging me for a child. We had one (planned). Our 2nd was a complete accident (although she's the best accident ever), and I knew it was wrong. Our marriage was already failing. My daughters are 18 months apart. I love the age difference, but I wouldn't EVER have 2 that close again.

[Deleted User] · December 2012

For us, it has definitely been financial reasons. While we are not where I thought we would be after being married 2.5 years, we are better than we were a year ago. We decided to start trying b/c we are also older (I just turned the big 30 and H is 31). I would of loved to have had a house prior to kids, but I have come to realize it is not the end of the world. H and I have looked at our budget and savings plan and figured out how we can fit the expenses of having a child in with it. And we want at least 3 kids and I would like for them to be at least a few years apart.

Ciardasully · December 2012

We are not the best financially as I would like to be but I am 34 so I can't put it off forever. DH is two years out of law school so the student loans aren't going away any time soon so I just have to come to terms that we are going to tight with money but I grew up without money and turned out okay. We are thinking of starting TTC this spring but who knows how long it will take.

meltoine · December 2012

DS was a surprise. For LO2, our decision was mostly based on the threat of a deployment. We found out last January that DH might get deployed in the fall. When we worked it out, we concluded thatDS would be four by the time we had a second and that was a bigger age gap than we wanted, so we decided to start TTC, hoping we'd get PG before he left. Well, the deployment got canceled and it took us ten cycles to get PG. Interestingly enough, before the threat of deployment we thought we'd start TTC in the fall, which is when we ended up PG anyway. My experience conceiving both LOs has taut me that no matter what, it's God's decision. The cycle we concieved DS we only had sex on O-6 and post O, but we got PG anyway. This time, it took forever. Our timelines have been futile.

agapecarrie · December 2012

meltoine, I'm interested in what method tells you that 0-6 is infertile?

lalaith50 · December 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_having-kids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:1febff7e-e13b-4716-880b-061b15798ff5Post:89f1f6d9-d68e-4ef7-bfca-b2fbeae7fc4c">Re: Having kids</a>:
[QUOTE]The cycle we concieved DS we only had sex on O-6 and post O, but we got PG anyway.
Posted by meltoine[/QUOTE]<div>I know you're not here for us to analyze your NFP method or pregnancy surprise ;-) but I thought you might be interested in this study that scientifically indicates that a surprise boy is almost certainly the result of a miscalculation of ovulation at the END of "phase II" so mistakenly engaging in relations either on the day of ovulation or immediately after, (and not an "end of phase I" miscalculation, which would almost certainly result in a girl, since girl sperm live longer.)</div><div><a href="http://www.bioline.org.br/pdf?rh11010" rel="nofollow">http://www.bioline.org.br/pdf?rh11010</a>

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meltoine · December 2012

Agape - STM teaches that sperm live for up to five days. Plus, I had no CM at the time, even at the cervix. Lala- my temps were textbook that month and we waited until the fourth day after the temp rise and drying up. I had no significant temp jumps after the first (they varied by .1-.2 degrees after the first .5 degree jump). I had been charting for over a year at that point and I'm confident I didn't miscalculate. Our teaching couple was just as surprised as we were when we showed them our chart.

agapecarrie · December 2012

I thought you meant days 0-6 of they cycle (like during the period).

Because the process of ovulation can begin early...even during the period, these are considered fertile days in Creighton method.

meltoine · December 2012

No, O-6 like six days Pre-O. I can count on one hand the number of cycles I've ovulated on a day other CD 16, mostly when I first became fertile again after DS was born. I usually have 3-4 days between the end of my period and the first day of CM. We switched to Creighton after DS was born because he didn't sleep more than 2 hours at a time for almost a year, so my temps were useless.

Resa77 · December 2012

Interestingly, CCL NFP teaches that CD 05/6 5 or 6 depending on past cycles is infertile unless CM is present. I thought that was odd since CM is not easily detected on heavier days of bleeding.

agapecarrie · December 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_having-kids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:1febff7e-e13b-4716-880b-061b15798ff5Post:08c26e1d-c657-41e9-b857-0b7079c24b76">Re:Having kids</a>:
[QUOTE]Interestingly, CCL NFP teaches that CD 05/6 5 or 6 depending on past cycles is infertile unless CM is present. I thought that was odd since CM is not easily detected on heavier days of bleeding.
Posted by Resa77[/QUOTE]

<div>Yea, depending on past cycles has part "rhythm" method in it. One reason its not my preference.</div><div>
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professorscience · December 2012

Well, we conceived while TTC, so yeah.

When we first got married, my plan had been to wait at least two years before we had a baby (I was open to being pregnant within those two years, just thought it would be a nice time for "just us"). DH was on-board, as far as I know. Around March of last year we started really considering just going for it (or TTW, I guess). H's logic was that we want at least three, probably more kids, and while it's certainly not impossible for that to happen as I get older, we also didn't necessarily want our FIRST kid to be born when we were 30, because with spacing, that would mean looking at trying to have kids into our 40s.

So then distance and logistics got in the way -- just after we'd gotten married, H had been sent to work in a little town six hours away from Dallas. I'd stayed behind to finish out the school year, so we pretty much saw each other every other weekend IF one of us could make the trip. I also didn't really want to be pregnant without DH around, because I didn't want him to miss out.

After we moved to Oklahoma, I started realizing I was having fertility issues so I sought out an NFP doctor and started treatments. Again, DH got sent away for a three-month training, so TTC during the summer was pretty much out. We saw each other one weekend out of every month (and I tried planning my visits around when I thought I'd hit peak, but my peak has fluctuated pretty much every month). It really ended up being a blessing in disguise -- I won't qualify for FMLA at my job until August, so having a baby during the school year would have wound up costing us a fortune. We really lucked out with the timing.

TeaForMe · December 2012

Fun discussion! We decided to TTC right away because, well, we aren't getting any younger (we were both 29 when we got married) and so we thought we should get started ASAP. There is always the fear of, "what if it takes a long time or we have trouble TTC" so I kind of just wanted find out. We didn't have any trouble, got pregnant my second cycle and had a 4-week-old for our first anniversary. There were a few things we would have liked to have settled before having a child, but we were mostly okay. Plus, you get 9 months to get things figured out.

Honestly, for us, having a child has not been much of a financial burden so I'm grateful for that. We are just about ready to work on number two now but the decision this time has seemed more thought out. Physically and emotionally I wasn't ready to be pregnant again until just recently - for the whole first year of his life, I felt as thought I had just given birth and wasn't even fertile anyway. And having an infant was so much work, I couldn't even imagine being pregnant at the same time. I think we would like to get things shored up a bit financially including finally selling the house i bought before we were married. And would really, really like for my husband to find a job with less traveling before we have a second. But we arent letting those things hold us back, either and We are more or less TTW.... Kind of following the Billings rules when we feel like it. I am ready anytime for number two but also wouldn't mind waiting a bit longer.

newlyseliski · December 2012

We were TTA for the first year of marriage due to husband being in school and unsuccessfully TTC, since! I'd say we've reverted to TTW at this point because I've had some health issues arise that have moved to the front burner... chronic tension headaches, yay! Coincidentally, either headaches or random illness seem to happen when I ovulate, which is rather ironic. Plus I've been really busy at work lately, really bad at charting and taking my metformin daily for PCOS

I don't think we've necessarily got all the ducks in a row that we'd ideally like to have at this point in our lives, but 9 months would be plenty of time for us to adjust if I'm able to get pregnant anytime soon!

MedStudent13 · January 2013

We're probably going to be TTA for several years, unfortunatley. My fiance is just finishing up his masters and contrary to my username (which I made several years ago), I am no longer a 'medstudent'. I'm trying to figure out what exactly I'm doing with my life right now. I would be quite content starting a family right away, but I know it wouldn't be responsible financially at the moment...

Resa77 · January 2013

I totally know what you mean, Medstudent, about trying to be financially responsible. Part of me also feels that since NFP isn't 100% accurate (same with all BC methods, not hatin' on NFP), I want to always be in a position where an "oops" baby would be joyfully welcomed into our family. I wouldn't want to be in a situation where we were a bit overextended with 4 kids, and were totally panicked by the prospect of an accidental 5th. I know a few people who had several children right away, and then ended up in this constant fear of pregnancy later on.

chelseamb11 · January 2013

I'm not horribly different than professor. We originally intended to wait a year or two. But two months after we were married, we were each blessed with brand new stable, decent paying jobs (literally got offers within a week of one another!). Once we moved and really thought about it, we had no reason to not give it a shot. We knew God was in control. It took us three months to be successful. Funnily enough, if we had been successful even one month earlier, I would have been screwed for pay during mat leave (my short term disability insurance didn't kick in till Nov 1.. we conceived two weeks later). God definitely wanted to be sure we were taken care of

Chloeagh · January 2013

For FI and I, we will be TTA for quite awhile for financial reasons. I will be in school until I'm almost 27, then we will want to pay off my loans, buy a house, and build some savings before we start TTC. There's a good chance we'll be in our 30s by the time we are ready to start talking about having kids. I definitely want my first kid before I'm 35, so hopefully we don't cut it too close.

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