Head Table Debate

SHOESHPER · October 2010

Everyone has been asking if I will be having a head table. My FI & I are both the type of people not to want all the attention on us so I know I do not want a swetheart table. My mom thinks since I'm having a smaller wedding (about 125) in a huge tent, I shouldn't do a head table. My FI & are are having our closest friends in our WP, & I want to spend the night with them. However, almost everyone will have dates that are not part of the WP. Some of my BM have complained about being seperated from their dates (who wont know anyone else at the wedding except the WP) at previous weddings. I was thinking of doing a V-shaped table & letting them sit at the table with us. Also, my FG's dad is the best man...Is it OK for her to sit at the head table with us? She is a daddy's girl (parents seperated) & can be trusted to behave appropriately-she'll be 7.
Any thought/suggestions PLEASE!

LuluP82 · October 2010

I hate hate hate the idea of head tables, it just seems weird to me. And it's annoying for couples who are split up. Plus, I just hate the idea of ppl sitting up on a platform or something watching another group of people eat. Needless to say, we're not having one.

I like sweetheart tables if they're discreet. Like, if it's at the same level of the other tables, I think it's a nice chance for the couple to eat together. I think it also makes it easier for the couple to actually eat (since they can be served before the other guests) and still make it around to greet all the guests as they're wrapping up dinner.

SHOESHPER · October 2010

The V was just a thought since it will be really long if its a reg. retanle table &fig its easier to seat was attendent with their date this way. No matter what table I do, it would be at the same level as all other table & the same in every way except # of ppl at the table & probably the shape.

SHOESHPER · October 2010

Yes, I didnt mean to say I dont want to spend time with anyone else. My party will know other people there & will also want to socialize with other people. I meant I wanted to spend dinner with them vs. if they are at a seperate table, it would be hard to talk.

parker624 · October 2010

How many people are in your wedding party, and are they all bringing guests? How big are your round tables (8, 10, or 12 people?)

We sat at a 6 person table with us and our parents. This worked GREAT because all of us were up and walking around while everyone else was eating. We greeted tables, did speeches, and started our first dance before the meal was over.

Our bridal party sat at their own table, there were 10 people at that table including bridal party and their dates. This table was adjacent to our other friends' tables.

For our little cousins (we didn't have a flower girl because we couldn't pick and choose), we had a little "princess" table with bubbles, crowns, and some crayons and paper to entertain the 5 girls (all between the ages of 4-7). They LOVED it.

Hope that helps!

Moneypenny424 · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_head-table-debate?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:03a6b6ab-a068-49f0-96ae-0b8bfef4e682Post:efa04680-e5fb-44a3-9e6f-ba159d989c01">Re: Head Table Debate</a>:
[QUOTE]We're having a big oval table where we will sit with our wedding party and their dates. FI and I didn't want to be off by ourselves but also didn't want to separate our WP from their dates. I like the big oval table because poeple will sit all around it and it won't be like we are on display looking out at all the guests.
Posted by SaraAndrew2010[/QUOTE]

I like this. We sat at a table with our parents and Mr. Penny's grandmother. I hate head tables. there is nothing worse than having a bunch of people watching you eat up on stage. Let your WP sit with their dates and everyone will be happier.

SHOESHPER · October 2010

Exactly how I feel! An oval could work the same as the V thing. Glad someone how I feel/my thoughts.

JSweetieXO · October 2010

I personally do not like head tables also. I think they do bring more attention too since there are more people sitting up there. I had to sit at a friends head table at her wedding and my date had to sit alone with everyone else's dates which no one knew each other. It's rude to not let them spend the evening with their SO. IMO you may as well invite them without a guest.

HKD817 · October 2010

FI and I are exactly like you two. We dont want the attention and we are not going to have a sweetheart table or a head table. We are mixing ourselves in with everyone else. Besides from what i hear you really dont get to sit too much, we will be mingling with all the guests so....I wonder where 99% of all these traditions came from and I think it is ridiculous that people feel like they HAVE to follow them. Says who? I say, do what you want and what you are comfortable with

LuluP82 · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_head-table-debate?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:03a6b6ab-a068-49f0-96ae-0b8bfef4e682Post:e77a68a8-904d-46ed-83be-855f8e807eae">Re: Head Table Debate</a>:
[QUOTE]If you're set against a sweetheart table, what you described sounds fine. But, with the flower girl, my concern is not whether she'll behave appropriately, it's whether her presence might force the wedding party to have to restrain themselves and their language, which might not be as fun for them. Otherwise, I think it's a good idea to let the WP sit with their dates. Edit: But I agree with Lulu about the idea of having a sweetheart table that they don't put up on a stage-like platform - that's what FI and I are doing. If your table isn't elevated, not everyone will be able to see you and stare at you as you try to eat dinner.
Posted by lharri12[/QUOTE]

Yup, that's what we're doing too (discreet sweetheart table). Mostly bc, as the venue coordinator pointed out, they can bring out our food faster so we can actually eat something...obviously if you're at a head table, you have to serve everyone at the same time, and if you're on stage or something, same thing. This way, we can finish eating our main courses, and go greet everyone as they're having dessert and not pass out from hunger.

MattsPenguin · October 2010

*separate

Also, we are planning on doing a regular 8 person table with ourselves, the two MOHs and their dates/husbands and the BM and his wife. Then the rest of our wedding party will be at 8 person tables on either side with their SOs.

louisvillebride21 · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_head-table-debate?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:03a6b6ab-a068-49f0-96ae-0b8bfef4e682Post:a7bcb9cc-6f87-4f34-8235-736ceba75e35">Re: Head Table Debate</a>:
[QUOTE]We did a sweetheart table in the center of the tent, with our parents and WP at the tables closest to us. I didn't want to separate people from their dates, and I didn't want to abandon people at our table when we got up to do table visits, so it worked out really well for us. There was no spotlight or elevation, and I really didn't feel like anybody was watching us eat. It worked out really, really well.
Posted by squirrly[/QUOTE]

I was watching you. Mwwwhhahahahahha

xyrius · October 2010

We're thinking of putting three rectangular tables together in the front of the room and be seated on the same level of our guests - with our parents, our daughter, our bridal party, our siblings and their dates and our nieces/nephews (our siblings are also in the bridal party) - so 18 people all together. We're going to be all facing each other so I don't think it's technically a head table. We really want to eat dinner with our families, especially me since I haven't seen my siblings in years.

kara811 · October 2010

Personally, my FI and I hate head tables. Our WP are all either married or are in long term relationships. There's no way that we would separate them from each other, especially if the date doesn't even know anyone in the wedding. It would just be very awkward for them. So what we've been thinking is either a sweetheart table with our parents, WP and family closest to us, or sit at a small head table only with our parents.

opalsky007 · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_head-table-debate?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:03a6b6ab-a068-49f0-96ae-0b8bfef4e682Post:ccf7cb92-1534-4f66-aba6-a92049561165">Re: Head Table Debate</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Head Table Debate : I was watching you. Mwwwhhahahahahha
Posted by louisvillebride21[/QUOTE]

Creeper.

squirrly · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_head-table-debate?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:03a6b6ab-a068-49f0-96ae-0b8bfef4e682Post:ccf7cb92-1534-4f66-aba6-a92049561165">Re: Head Table Debate</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Head Table Debate : I was watching you. Mwwwhhahahahahha
Posted by louisvillebride21[/QUOTE]

<img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-surprised.gif" border="0" alt="Surprised" title="Surprised" />

louisvillebride21 · October 2010

Dude, I still miss that french dressing that you had. NOM.

leia1979 · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_head-table-debate?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:03a6b6ab-a068-49f0-96ae-0b8bfef4e682Post:a7bcb9cc-6f87-4f34-8235-736ceba75e35">Re: Head Table Debate</a>:
[QUOTE]We did a sweetheart table in the center of the tent, with our parents and WP at the tables closest to us. I didn't want to separate people from their dates, and I didn't want to abandon people at our table when we got up to do table visits, so it worked out really well for us. There was no spotlight or elevation, and I really didn't feel like anybody was watching us eat. It worked out really, really well.
Posted by squirrly[/QUOTE]

This is what we want to do. We were recently at a wedding where FI was at the head table, and I was shoved way back in the corner at a table for ten with only three other people. Everyone I knew was at the head table. FI kept sneaking back once in awhile to keep me company.

artbyallie · October 2010

After reading all these threads about head tables v. sweetheart tables, I asked my fiancé for his opinion. He did not like the idea of a sweetheart table, because he wants to sit with our friends. However, he also sees no problem with putting their dates (which will only apply to about half of them anyway since we have married couples in the WP) at the table with us. So we're thinking about doing a medieval sort of head table (i.e. a really really long one) and just making sure people are seated next to their SO/date.

SHOESHPER · October 2010

In case is was no clear, my intention is to sit the SO with the bridal party so they are NOT seperated..that is what I ma trying to avoid & where the debate enters. Want my closest friends with me & dont want to seperate anyone.

[Deleted User] · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_head-table-debate?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:03a6b6ab-a068-49f0-96ae-0b8bfef4e682Post:e54aa01d-da0c-4ed4-9e07-667272c6ca29">Re: Head Table Debate</a>:
[QUOTE]Third, a V-shaped table sounds tacky and even more AWish than a head table or sweetheart table.
Posted by pumpkinpumpkin[/QUOTE]
buh? we had an L-shaped head table due to the shape of the room.

this board is irrationally against head tables. it's a perfectly acceptable option.

mattycam · October 2010

I personally do not have a problem with headtables as I plan to have one at my wedding. But if you and your FI want to do something different like the V-shape you suggested, then should work out fine. There is no book that us brides have to follow when planning our wedding so do what works best for you

tsp698 · October 2010

We both wanted a head table, but we didn't want to seperated the WP from their dates, and it would have gotten too complicated as 2 people in the wedding party will have children <6months old, and only 3 of the people in the wedding party are in long term relationships, so we really wouldn't have known half the dates.

I hate sweetheart tables, don't ask me to rationalize I just don't like them, so that was out of the question. My parents are divorced, and I'm not on speaking terms with my Stepfather, so sitting with parents was out of the question.

Our solution was to do a "mini" head table with me, FI, MOH, BM and their dates. Our families and the rest of the WP (With SO's) will be seated at the tables closest to us. This seems to be the best way to make everyone happy.

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