Gift for new Step Son during ceremony. AHHH HELP!

jakraft837 · June 2010

My finace has a son from his previous marriage. I have a daughter from a previous relationship (this is my first marriage). My daughter is 10 and his son is 4 years old. My fiance decided on getting my daughter a beautiful charm bracelet, with a charm of a hear, a ring, and a charm that says I am loved.

I'm having a hard time figuring out what i should get my step son since he is only 4. I've read a lot of suggestions online already that say pocketwatch; anyone got anything else?

THank you so very much

Leslie&Ralph · June 2010

Pocketwatch for a 4 year old? LOL

Hmmm, my guess is that it doesn't need to be a sentimental, typical gift. A 4 year old is going to want stuff that interests him (Thomas the tank engine, star wars, Backyardigans, etc). I would get him something comparable to what you would get him for his brithday/Christmas.

bbyckes · June 2010

The general advice is always to shop like it's his birthday. He'll love action figures. He's 4. He's not going to care about jewelry or anything you deem meaningful. He's 4.

jakraft837 · June 2010

i may have been misleading in my original email.

Our thought was to exachange gifts with them after we exchange vows with them. The vows with them are fairly simple given their ages. After my fiance and i do our vows, we will offer vows to the children. They will stand togheter and will be told by our officiant (who is my brother who got ordained in order to marry us), that we are making promises to them like we made to each other. To honor and love them always no matter what. Do they accept our promise. They will just respond with a simple "we do".

It is at this point that i wanted to give my step son a gift and my finace was goign to put the bracelet on my daughter.

Still think it should be something liek a Thomas Train (cuz he sure does love Thomas) lol

Thanks!

vsgal · June 2010

I think the pocketwatch is more appropriate for this situation.

After you explained it, it is like the rings you are exchanging. You are saying a vow to them and the gift is a symbol of those vows. A nice piece of jewelry that will have meaning and last a lifetime is better than a toy that will break in a year or will be deemed useless when he is 15. give the watch and then "trade" after the wedding for the toy. Hold the watch until he is older, maybe early twenties and give it to him on your anniversary or when he gets married. Same with your daughter.

Leslie&Ralph · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_gift-new-step-son-during-ceremony-ahhh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:970f72bf-6b1f-455e-bb23-8a336755c4c9Post:a15229e9-2b64-41dc-aafd-719637bd3574">Re: Gift for new Step Son during ceremony. AHHH HELP!</a>:
[QUOTE]i may have been misleading in my original email. Our thought was to exachange gifts with them after we exchange vows with them. The vows with them are fairly simple given their ages. After my fiance and i do our vows, we will offer vows to the children. They will stand togheter and will be told by our officiant (who is my brother who got ordained in order to marry us), that we are making promises to them like we made to each other. To honor and love them always no matter what. Do they accept our promise. They will just respond with a simple "we do". It is at this point that i wanted to give my step son a gift and my finace was goign to put the bracelet on my daughter. Still think it should be something liek a Thomas Train (cuz he sure does love Thomas) lol Thanks!
Posted by jakraft837[/QUOTE]

Ah I see. Well to be honest, I still think a Thomas train, etc would be more appreciated by him. And imagine his reaction! (and the great pictures you'll get out of it). LOL

trix1223 · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_gift-new-step-son-during-ceremony-ahhh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:970f72bf-6b1f-455e-bb23-8a336755c4c9Post:a15229e9-2b64-41dc-aafd-719637bd3574">Re: Gift for new Step Son during ceremony. AHHH HELP!</a>:
[QUOTE]i may have been misleading in my original email. Our thought was to exachange gifts with them after we exchange vows with them. The vows with them are fairly simple given their ages. After my fiance and i do our vows, we will offer vows to the children. They will stand togheter and will be told by our officiant (who is my brother who got ordained in order to marry us), that we are making promises to them like we made to each other. To honor and love them always no matter what. Do they accept our promise. They will just respond with a simple "we do". It is at this point that i wanted to give my step son a gift and my finace was goign to put the bracelet on my daughter. Still think it should be something liek a Thomas Train (cuz he sure does love Thomas) lol Thanks!
Posted by jakraft837[/QUOTE]

I think you should get each child something they'll like, and not worry so much about keepsakes.

I also think that you should not be making them take any vows at all. It's not appropriate, especially for the 4 year old who is incapable of understanding, accepting, or making "vows".

I think that a wedding ceremony is about 2 consenting adults making promises to each other. It is not about the children, although when you and your FI say your vows you will become a blended family.

I suggest that your DD be a BM and your FS the ringbearer. Have family photos taken with them. If you're having a reception with a dance, have a family dance. Give them their gifts at the RD, which would be a far more appropriate time to do it.

And before you say "But you don't understand, we love our children....", I do understand. I have three children, and two wonderful children-in-law that I adore. I know the overwhelming love a parent has for a child.

But I still don't think they should be making "vows" during a wedding ceremony.

FWIW: The 4 year old boys that I teach are really, really, really into Star Wars and Legos these days. Ditto the pps who said to get him something he'll like. Don't worry about "keepsakes" so much. A keepsake would be, at this time, something for YOU, not for him.

GL

aerinpegadrak · June 2010

Ditto Trix x1000. Give the kids the gifts during the ceremony if you really want to, but child vows are incredibly creepy.

And for the record, I know I got quite a bit of keepsakey stuff when I was a kid. Damned if I know where any of it is now. I'd get him something he'll enjoy now rather than something that will probably be broken or misplaced by the time he's old enough to appreciate it.

Frappacinogirl234 · June 2010

Get him a Thomas the Train watch! My nephew has one even though he can't tell time. He loves it because it's the kind of jewlery "boys can wear." So when his older sister plays dress up, he can play too by putting on his watch...and his fireman hat

[Deleted User] · June 2010

Bakugans.

My son had vows in our ceremony and several people have told us that it was their favorite part. His vows were meant to make him a part of the ceremony. He escorted the MOB and MOG, gave them each a rose and then sat down with my mom. After our vows, he had his. I am so thankful we did. It was very special for us because my H is the only father he has ever known. For us, it really was a joining of the family. His vows were not serious. They mainly focused on his favorite things to do. I think one of them was something about always sharing his bug collection.

[Deleted User] · June 2010

No problem, Stage. It's not for everyone and I understand that. I think it was the only aspect of our wedding that broke away from the norm. I even considered not doing them, but at the end of the day, it meant a great deal to Ben (my son) and that's what was most important to us.

jakraft837 · June 2010

Thanks for all the suggestions regarding the gift.

As for the opinions posted on the vows with the children, to each his own. I understand that people may have a difference in opinons, and that's great. But I do think it was slighly harsh to say that something we have planned for our ceremony and obviously a part of the ceremony that means something to us (why else would we be doing it!?!?!) is "creepy". Especially when that is not even what my post was about.

jules0505 · July 2010

I agree with you. I think some people just want to express their opinions without even considering the actual topic or other peoples feelings just to create drama.

I am getting married in September and we have a similar situation. My fiance has two children from a previous marriage (8 and 6). I will be saying special vows to them and exchanging a gift during the ceremony. I am doing a charm bracelet for his daughter and a pocket watch for his son. Yes, they are too young for these gifts and yes they won't give a hoot at the time, but consider how important that will be when they are graduating high school, college, getting married, etc. This gift will hold more significance later in their lives than it will at that time. I think that's the whole point.

It's definitely not "creepy" to say vows to children who are part of the union you are making. When children are involved, it becomes so much more than man and wife - its family - and we are vowing to make them a part of that family till death do us part.

Gift for new Step Son during ceremony. AHHH HELP!

Re: Gift for new Step Son during ceremony. AHHH HELP!

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