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Etiquette

Cash Bar/wedding invitations

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Re: Cash Bar/wedding invitations

  • I have to jump in and say that I am only reading one persons temper tantrum.  i won't say any names, Kari, but sister you need to step back and take a deep breath.  I feel the fight or flight reaction coming on.  This is an etiquette board not and opinions board.  The PP's are just stating proper etiquette.  If you want opinions ask you family and friends.

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  • In Response to Re: Cash Bar/wedding invitations:
    In Response to Re: Cash Bar/wedding invitations : Again, let us work on our reading comprehension shall we, Kari? No one here is talking about you as a guest. No one is about to throw a tantrum over $3 beers. We are talking to you as the hostess of your event for which you should be accepting responsibility, not making excuses.
    Posted by MeaghanandMichael
    I'm not sure I ever told you this before but Hi.  I like you.  You are witty.
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  • In Response to Re: Cash Bar/wedding invitations:
    In Response to Re: Cash Bar/wedding invitations : I'm not sure I ever told you this before but Hi.  I like you.  You are witty.
    Posted by andy71781

    pssshhhh, you had my heart at first glance of your cute dogs sig pic <3
  • Thanks for an AWESOME distraction from my I-9 audit I'm stuck doing on a beautiful 90 degree sunshiney day instead of sitting in my pool getting the tan I need for my wedding. I can always count on you ladies to brighten my day :)
    (Excuse my run-on sentence, I am half blind from trying to correct these things!)

    Just for kicks---we are not serving alcohol at all, half of FI's family are (recovering) alcoholics (not being funny, seriously), so we are having our reception at our church, where alcohol is not allowed, just to avoid the issue.But we are having awesome food and cake because I am so thankful people are coming to celebrate with us and want to thank them properly! I have been to ONE wedding where it was a cash bar...they did the dollar dance too...hmmmmm....

    AND....so my "I'm just going to check TK for 15 minutes" (an hour ago) is up, back to work! Happy Friday ladies!
    "It is never to late to become what you might have been..."
  • If drink tickets are such a HUGE wedding faux pas, why did my (very experienced with weddings) venue not say something along those lines when they were brought up as one of many ideas regarding how the alcoholic drinks would be distributed/paid for?  We are paying for the wine at dinner, all non-alcoholic drinks, bowls of alcoholic punch, and two drinks per guest on top of that.  We had discussed the possibility of paying for a portion of each drink, using drink tickets, doing the alcoholic punch thing, etc, with my wedding coordinator from the hotel.  This hotel does a lot of weddings and comes highly recommended.  I think if drink tickets were actually as terrible as everyone is suggesting, they would know a tactful way to warn us away from going down that route, especially since that idea was only one among many that they could have encouraged us to pursue instead.
  • Of course the hotel wants you to buy drink tickets. They make more money if you purchase drinks up front instead of having some people buy them and others not buy them. I guarantee your hotel is not looking to be tactful, but looking to make money.

    This is the same thing as saying, "but Bed Bath and Beyond is a really reputable store. They MUST know what they are doing by handing out registry info cards to go in my invites!"
  • edited May 2010
    Because your venue wants to you to use their services so they'll kiss your butt and tell you any $$-spending option is okay? 

    The bartender at our venue suggested the option of providing champagne for our table and our parents' tables, but not for the rest of the guests.  Just because a vendor says it doesn't make it not ridiculous. 

    Another example:  when stores tell people it's okay to put registry information in the invitations and provide little cards with which to do so. 

    ETA: Mind-meld, Meaghan!
  • In Response to Re: Cash Bar/wedding invitations:
    If drink tickets are such a HUGE wedding faux pas, why did my (very experienced with weddings) venue not say something along those lines when they were brought up as one of many ideas regarding how the alcoholic drinks would be distributed/paid for?  We are paying for the wine at dinner, all non-alcoholic drinks, bowls of alcoholic punch, and two drinks per guest on top of that.  We had discussed the possibility of paying for a portion of each drink, using drink tickets, doing the alcoholic punch thing, etc, with my wedding coordinator from the hotel.  This hotel does a lot of weddings and comes highly recommended.  I think if drink tickets were actually as terrible as everyone is suggesting, they would know a tactful way to warn us away from going down that route, especially since that idea was only one among many that they could have encouraged us to pursue instead.
    Posted by damaless
    Exactly what Meaghan said. Plus, they're going to say whatever they can to appease their clients. If a client suggests they want to do a cash bar the venue is going to come up with any past ideas they've seen to make the client happy.
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  • Actually, I was concerned about possibly having to pay for the tickets that aren't cashed in, since most of my fiance's family is allergic to alcohol or just doesn't drink, so I directly asked the hotel if we have to pay for the drinks regardless of whether the tickets are actually used, and they stated that we will only be required to pay for the tickets that are actually cashed in for drinks.  So they have no monetary incentive to encourage this path of action.  They would expect to make a lot more money if we were paying for a portion of every drink purchased.
  • I think drink tickets are one of the silliest wedding-bar-ideas I've ever heard.  What if someone leaves their tickets at home?  They are SOL?  The whole thing just seems so impersonal and carnival-esque to me.

    If you're not doing an open bar, but you are willing to pay for 2 drinks per guest, why not just do a cocktail hour?  Most people will probably only drink 1 or two drinks during that time...you would probably end up saving money.
  • Again, drink tickets was not the only suggestion/idea we came up with, and they are not making any additional money off of doing it that way, so if it were totally against etiquette, why wouldn't the hotel recommend one of the other ideas or suggestions?  

    I think the hotel is in a bit of a different situation than Bed Bath & Beyond, here, because they employ staff members whose entire job is to help with planning weddings and making things flow smoothly for the guests as well as the bride and groom.  The hotel is going to make the same amount of money off of drinks no matter how we do it (in fact, they probably would make more money if it were an open bar, since in that case the people consuming the drinks are not the people paying for the drinks), so they don't have a strong incentive to recommend one way over another, aside from in terms of what makes things flow the most smoothly and go well for everyone involved.  

    On the other hand, Bed Bath & Beyond would make a lot more money if the wedding guests were actually informed of where the bride and groom registered for gifts.  So I don't think this is really a comparable situation.
  • edited May 2010
    We actually are having a cocktail hour as well, I forgot to list it in my initial post.  So really we are providing quite a bit of alcohol to our guests at no cost to them, it's only the drinks later in the evening that they might end up paying for.  I don't see a good reason why anyone should have to pay for a person's efforts to get him/herself drunk other than the person him/herself.

    edit: I don't understand your concern about people leaving their tickets at home when they would get them at the reception.
  • In Response to Re: Cash Bar/wedding invitations:
    Again, drink tickets was not the only suggestion/idea we came up with, and they are not making any additional money off of doing it that way, so if it were totally against etiquette, why wouldn't the hotel recommend one of the other ideas or suggestions?   I think the hotel is in a bit of a different situation than Bed Bath & Beyond, here, because they employ staff members whose entire job is to help with planning weddings and making things flow smoothly for the guests as well as the bride and groom.  The hotel is going to make the same amount of money off of drinks no matter how we do it (in fact, they probably would make more money if it were an open bar, since in that case the people consuming the drinks are not the people paying for the drinks), so they don't have a strong incentive to recommend one way over another, aside from in terms of what makes things flow the most smoothly and go well for everyone involved.   On the other hand, Bed Bath & Beyond would make a lot more money if the wedding guests were actually informed of where the bride and groom registered for gifts.  So I don't think this is really a comparable situation.
    Posted by damaless
    No they still are making money off of it, because those people who forgot their money to pay for your tacky cash bar will now get a couple of drinks on you...and trust me those who don't drink will just give their tickets to those who do.
  • If you are providing so much alcohol, why do you even need to do the drink tickets?  Just skip it.
  • pag4989pag4989
    100 Comments
    member
    Eh. We had a cash bar, no one complained or said we were tacky. I think there are only 5 people total in both of our families/friends combined that drink anyways. I actually chose last minute to have a cash bar instead of none so that the people that wanted to drink could if they chose to. However, the drink tickets I would not recommend.
  • In Response to Re: Cash Bar/wedding invitations:
    We actually are having a cocktail hour as well, I forgot to list it in my initial post.  So really we are providing quite a bit of alcohol to our guests at no cost to them, it's only the drinks later in the evening that they might end up paying for.  I don't see a good reason why anyone should have to pay for a person's efforts to get him/herself drunk other than the person him/herself. edit: I don't understand your concern about people leaving their tickets at home when they would get them at the reception.
    Posted by damaless
    Again, drinking does not equal drunk.
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  • I'd much rather GO to a wedding and pay $20 for alcohol for myself, than have the B&G pay that for everyone
    Posted by kari_lynn222
    That's very sweet of you, but it's not your problem unless it's your wedding. The sentence following that is more than likely the cause for your "goodwill." It sounds like if you're the guest, you want to make sure you're invited, and if you're the bride, you want to make sure you can invite as many people as possible while spending the least amount of money.

    Less money spent + more guests + MORE GIFTS = YAY!
    Right?
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  • edited May 2010
    In Response to Re: Cash Bar/wedding invitations:
    In Response to Re: Cash Bar/wedding invitations : No they still are making money off of it, because those people who forgot their money to pay for your tacky cash bar will now get a couple of drinks on you...and trust me those who don't drink will just give their tickets to those who do.
    Posted by jnic0319
    By your own argument, the hotel would make way more money if we had an open bar and paid for everyone's drinks, because then everyone would be able to have as many drinks as they wanted, all paid for by someone else, but still with all the money going to the hotel.  So if the hotel's motive is entirely to make more money, they have every reason to encourage an open bar and discourage a cash bar or drink tickets, but they didn't.  So the money-making motive does not hold up.

    I would also appreciate if we could move this discussion away from the argumentative and confrontational direction (e.g. avoiding phrases like "your tacky cash bar").  I am genuinely trying to understand why if this is such a horrible thing to do, why my day-of coordinator from the hotel would not have said anything to me about it, considering 1) it is her job to make sure things go smoothly and everyone is happy on the day-of, and 2) it would actually make the hotel more money if we had an open bar instead.

    In Response to Re: Cash Bar/wedding invitations:
    If you are providing so much alcohol, why do you even need to do the drink tickets?  Just skip it.
    Posted by goheels05

    Because if we don't provide drink tickets, the alternative is to have the bar be entirely paid for by the guests (aside from during cocktail hour).  The drink tickets allow the guests to obtain more stuff for free, something they would presumably be happier with than having to pay for more stuff.

    And regarding the whole "drinking does not equal drunk" thing, I totally understand that.  I am saying if someone wants to drink even more than the amount of drinks that we are providing for them (the cocktail hour, the alcoholic punch, the two free drinks), then their goal is probably not to just "enjoy a few drinks," it's probably to get drunk.
  • In Response to Re: Cash Bar/wedding invitations:
    I don't see a good reason why anyone should have to pay for a person's efforts to get him/herself drunk other than the person him/herself.[QUOTE]
     
    I honestly don't have anything against cash bars myself, but Etiquette definitely dictates otherwise...it's just a fact. 

    [QUOTE]edit: I don't understand your concern about people leaving their tickets at home when they would get them at the reception.
    Posted by damaless
    The OP (who obviously ran for the hills, poor kid lol) was saying they would be sent out with invites, which could lead to the possibility of them being left at home.  How else would it work, them being handed out after the ceremony?  Just seems so odd to me.  weddings+tickets= not a good idea in my book (and prob the same goes for the etiquette book too...)
  • Err....apparently I have some quoting issues.  My bad!!
    I think you get the jist ;)  Not trying to knock you or anything, I just don't think that drink tickets are good to have at weddings.
  • In Response to Re: Cash Bar/wedding invitations:
    In Response to Re: Cash Bar/wedding invitations : The OP (who obviously ran for the hills, poor kid lol) was saying they would be sent out with invites, which could lead to the possibility of them being left at home.  How else would it work, them being handed out after the ceremony?  Just seems so odd to me.  weddings+tickets= not a good idea in my book (and prob the same goes for the etiquette book too...)
    Posted by jesibel14

    I didn't see that suggestion.  I was mostly asking about my own situation, after seeing the hugely negative response that arose in this topic.  The idea would be to have someone giving people tickets as they arrived at the reception area.

  • Damaless, you're obviously not going to change your mind, but you're not convincing anyone.  You want to use drink tickets at your wedding?  Go right ahead.  But it'll make your guests feel like they're at a carnival and it'll lead to your guests hitting up non-drinking guests with "you gonna use those?"  So folks who want to get drunk, as you say, will still be able to do so, on your dime. 
  • It sounds like you are having quite a bit of free alcohol as it is (with the punch, cocktail hour, wine with dinner).  Instead of drink tickets, maybe a signature drink for free as well?  Probably would be around the same amount of $ as 2 tickets p/person. 

    Of course do as you wish, it is your wedding.  I was just trying to think of other ways you could add to your bar instead of tickets, since I personally don't like em.
  • Damaless, they were probably afraid that if you didn't do drink tickets, you would say, "Oh, well, we can't afford a full open bar, so we just won't do one." Trust me, they'll take whatever kind of alcohol service you'll pay for.

    Also, how long is your reception? 2 hours, then fine. But beverage calculators normally say that a guest will drink one drink per hour, plus an additional drink every 4 hours. So 5 drinks over the course of a 4 hour reception. That's not getting wasted. That's what happens when you mingle, dance, and drink with people. Or when your ice melts or your coke goes flat. So more than 2 drinks =/= getting wasted on your dime.
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  • edited May 2010
    In Response to Re: Cash Bar/wedding invitations:
    Damaless, you're obviously not going to change your mind, but you're not convincing anyone.  You want to use drink tickets at your wedding?  Go right ahead.  But it'll make your guests feel like they're at a carnival and it'll lead to your guests hitting up non-drinking guests with "you gonna use those?"  So folks who want to get drunk, as you say, will still be able to do so, on your dime. 
    Posted by ohwhynot
    I'm not trying to convince anyone of anything, I am trying to understand where the stigma comes from.  

    The main concern is not the specific amount of money spent, it's to make the amount of money spent more predictable.  My cousin did a subsidized bar at her wedding and ended up having to go back the next day to give the venue an additional $5000 for the drinks. edit: This was on top of the amount she had estimated and already paid for alcohol.

    Tickets seem to be the only efficient way to still allow guests to enjoy some drinks "on my dime" while maintaining predictability.  If it's the physical presence of a ticket in particular that is bothering people, maybe there is some other token to use that would be more in the flavour of a wedding, or some other way to track whether someone has used up their two drinks.
  • In Response to Re: Cash Bar/wedding invitations:
    So more than 2 drinks =/= getting wasted on your dime.
    Posted by msmerymac

    In addition to the cocktail hour drinks, the wine provided at dinner, the alcoholic punch available to guests, AND two free drinks, it seems like drinking more than that actually would involve some level of drunkenness, for the average person.

  • Actually, a lot of people dont' do a consumption bar. I'm getting a flat rate pp for unlimited alcohol during my reception (beer, wine and house liquor). It depends on your area and your venue.
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  • In Response to Re: Cash Bar/wedding invitations:
    Actually, a lot of people dont' do a consumption bar. I'm getting a flat rate pp for unlimited alcohol during my reception (beer, wine and house liquor). It depends on your area and your venue.
    Posted by msmerymac
    That seems like something worth looking into, but a lot of my fiance's family is allergic to alcohol or doesn't drink, so it seems like per person flat rates might work out not-so-much in my favour.  I can ask about it, anyway.
  • LD1970LD1970
    500 Comments Third Anniversary
    member
    edited May 2010
    In Response to Re: Cash Bar/wedding invitations:
    In Response to Re: Cash Bar/wedding invitations : I think having kegs at a wedding is tacky, leave them for the frat parties. Cash bars are tacky but if you are insistent about it and open beer and wine is not an option, let people know by word of mouth.
    Posted by JennaV26
    Just as an aside - all draft beer is in a keg, unless it's a cask ale, in which case it's in a cask.  You just don't SEE the kegs because they're usually in the bar's basement.  And draft beer is much better than bottled.  As long as it's good beer, that is.
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  • In Response to Re: Cash Bar/wedding invitations:
    In Response to Re: Cash Bar/wedding invitations : I'm not trying to convince anyone of anything, I am trying to understand where the stigma comes from.   The main concern is not the specific amount of money spent, it's to make the amount of money spent more predictable.  My cousin did a subsidized bar at her wedding and ended up having to go back the next day to give the venue an additional $5000 for the drinks. edit: This was on top of the amount she had estimated and already paid for alcohol. Tickets seem to be the only efficient way to still allow guests to enjoy some drinks "on my dime" while maintaining predictability.  If it's the physical presence of a ticket in particular that is bothering people, maybe there is some other token to use that would be more in the flavour of a wedding, or some other way to track whether someone has used up their two drinks.
    Posted by damaless
    Then you say "but half of my family doesn't drink" below.  If that's the case you should have no problem with a consumption bar.  How many guests are you having?  Say it's 150 and 30 don't drink, then you have 120 let's say 10 are under 21, now you have 110 multiply that by 1 drink an hour for four hours at $5 each
    and you have yourself an $1100 tab...I find it hard to believe you would go over $1500.  Cut the tickets from your wedding and you may have to pay a couple hundred extra, but I think your guests would appreciate it.

    There...I was nicer :-)
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