Just Engaged and Proposals

engagment question? am i stealing friends thunder??

i am in a friends wedding on a saturday.  my girlfriend and i are making the trip to the wedding.  Would it be stealing the bride and groom's attention if we got engaged four days before their wedding?
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Re: engagment question? am i stealing friends thunder??

  • edited October 2010
    Simply put: YES.  I think your friend/the groom would be extremly hurt.

    I don't know where the wedding is, but if you are incorporating it into the trip because of a "destination proposal" do it on the way back.
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  • what??

    i disagree completely with PP
    no single person on the planet is in ownership of any "thunder", so you can't be stealing it.
    would it be very polite of you to propose in the middle of their first dance? ummm no.
    but do what you want, because the engagement is about you and your FI, not them. if you have something planned, and you want to do that, then go ahead!
     as long as you didnt show up to their wedding flashing the ring and demanding well-wishes, then you're fine! go to the wedding, celebrate their day, and they will reciprocate in due time.

     

  • bethsmilesbethsmiles Denver, CO
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    She is not Thor, she doesn't have thunder. You cannot steal it. Basically if you get engaged four days before her wedding it won't steal her thunder. But I do think that if you will feel uncomfortable about it then just wait until after the wedding.


  • Just don't propose at the wedding. Otherwise, go ahead. Each bride and groom get one day, not a week.
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  • I got engaged 4 days before being a bridesmaid in my oldest friends wedding! I had travelled to the wedding and had not seen many old family friends from our hometown since before college. I did my best to be happy about being engaged, but making sure that people knewthat I was there to be apart of their wedding. I got to ask my friend to be in my wedding in person, and I got to be apart of wedding all at once! I flat out asked her if it bothered her and she said she knew that I didnt do to upstage her, but that was the right time for us. it should be special for your relationship and shouldnt be dictacted around someone else's "thunder"
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  • edited October 2010
    Normally, my answer to these types of questions is, "If you have to ask, then yes."  But in this case, I don't think so.  Just don't make a big deal out of running around the reception - if people notice her ring and ask, great, but don't wave it in their faces - and you'll be fine.

    Congrats, by the way!
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  • You will not be stealing her "thunder" unless it is done AT the wedding.  I got engaged on a Tuesday and best friend for married on Saturday she she couldn't have been happier for me!
     
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  • Congratulations on your up-coming engagement, you will not be "stealing thunder" or taking any attention away from the bride and groom unless you proposed AT the wedding.
  • No I don't think you'll be stealing their thunder at all. They're your friends and they should be happy for you as long as you don't do it AT thier actual wedding!
  • my brother got engaged about a month before my cousin's wedding which was no big deal...however, him using our cousin's wedding to "announce" his engagement and parade his wifey to be around ring hand out first was a bit much....


    you know your friend's relationship better - if it were me i'd probably hide my own engagement until after the wedding if you feel it might "steal thunder."
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  • In Response to Re: engagment question? am i stealing friends thunder??:
    my brother got engaged about a month before my cousin's wedding which was no big deal...however, him using our cousin's wedding to "announce" his engagement and parade his wifey to be around ring hand out first was a bit much.... you know your friend's relationship better - if it were me i'd probably hide my own engagement until after the wedding if you feel it might "steal thunder."
    Posted by Jelenny

    This is my reason for saying wait. I fear that even though you have the best of intentions, people at the wedding may make it about you and asking about your upcoming wedding ( which is fine that they ask) but will detract from their Big Day. Can you do it the day after or on the way back like was previously mentioned?
  • I do not feel like it would be stealing her thunder at all (as long as the proposal is not at the wedding itself).

    I would be be thrilled if one of my friends were to get engaged at any point. If they showed off their ring at my wedding, even better. It is such a good feeling to show people your new ring and talk about the wedding. Showing people an engagement ring is so not going to take the attention away from the bride and groom. If the Bride was to feel like that, then she needs to get over herself because not every single guest is going to be staring at the bride and groom 100% of the time...and if they did...well.. CREEPER! 

    Good luck and congrats!
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  • the fact that you're asking for opinions makes me think you know how your friends would feel about it.  if you think they'd be hurt and may put a strain on your relationship - don't.

    good luck.
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  • In Response to Re: engagment question? am i stealing friends thunder??:
    In Response to Re: engagment question? am i stealing friends thunder?? : This is my reason for saying wait. I fear that even though you have the best of intentions, people at the wedding may make it about you and asking about your upcoming wedding ( which is fine that they ask) but will detract from their Big Day. Can you do it the day after or on the way back like was previously mentioned?
    Posted by NIKIKRUISE
    Am I seriously seeing "Big Day"? Um, neither of those words should be capitalized, and you have not caught me at a good time.
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  • Normally, my answer to these types of questions is, "If you have to ask, then yes."  But in this case, I don't think so.  Just don't make a big deal out of running around the reception - if people notice her ring and ask, great, but don't wave it in their faces - and you'll be fine. Congrats, by the way!
    Posted by jnc1113
    Me too - but I can't help thinking OP's asking was colored by so many "ZOMG she STOLE MY THUNDER!!!11!" bridezillas that she probably thought it's safer to ask.

    OP, as everyone else has said, as long as it's not on the wedding day, you're fine. Best wishes :^)
  • My husband and I got engaged five days before our very close friends wedding.  My husband was the best man in the wedding and had talked to this couple about it before hand.  They were nothing but over the moon for us, and even announced it at their wedding..  there will be no "thunder stolen"
  • i agree that you will not be stealing their thunder.  like mentioned above, as long as you're not flaunting it around on the wedding day and making it about you, which i'm sure you wouldn't do, then it should be no problem.  congratulations!!!!!!
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  • At my moms wedding they rigged it so the girl and guy caught bouquet and garter respectively... girl getting engaged didnt know. during the dance right after he got down on one knee and proposed. i never seen a girl cry so hard. lol. my mom loved them so she loved the idea of the whole thing!!!
  • All I have to say is that althought I really don't think it's a big deal or that you would be stealing anyones thunder, if you felt like you had to ask maybe you know something about your friend that all of us don't. If you think the friend is going to respond badly think about letting them know before hand or changing your plans but if you think it will be ok and are just making sure others agree, then go for it.

    ps- CONGRATS
  • I don’t think so….If my friend was to get engaged during my wedding week I would not care I would be extremely happy for her…. Not feel like she’s taking any attention from me, so I say GO GET  ENGAGED!!!
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  • The exzact thing happened to me. I got engaged a few weeks before my friends wedding I was in. She lives in another state so we had not all gotten together, seen the ring, gotten any details since she would be in my wedding also. I was very careful as to not talk about my wedding, but she was asking m,e a million questions about my wedding. I couldn't believe it. She said we are in such different places like she can't wait for hers to be over bc they have been planning for so long and mine is in the fun planning stage. I think it is totally ok to get engaged just feel them out and see how they react.
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  • No. If she is really your friend, she would be very thrilled to hear the news! 
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  • No! We got engaged a couple days before a destination wedding. Granted, neither of us were in it, but the bride and groom heard through the grapevine and were so excited for us day of. They are not the kind of people to get jealous about that though so I would think about that too.
  • Yes, period.  Anyone who says they wouldn't be a little bit upset if their friend did this to them, is kidding themself.
  • What I want to know is what happened?!  Did you propose?  This thread was started over a week ago and from what I understood, you were going to do it then.  So...?  Details!!

    Congratulations!!
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  • My now fiance and I went on a 10 day vacation ending in visiting my mom's family for my cousin's wedding. I asked him to not propose (if he was planning to) on the trip because I didn't want to take anything away from my cousin's day seeing my family for the first time since the engagement.
    After everything was said and done (he proposed the day after we got back) I mentioned to my cousin what had happened and she told me how silly I was for even thinking any news that happy would take away from her day. Looking back I wish it would have happened on vacation so I would have had the opportunity to share with my family (who I don't see very often).
    Lesson learned: I felt more foolish for thinking that something that happened to me would take away from my cousin's wedding day than I would have felt if we showed up engaged. DO IT!
  • Just don't let it be the center of attention at the wedding, and there shouldn't be a problem.
    And people get way too carried away about "their wedding". I got engaged 7 months before my sister's wedding and she FLIPPED OUT because I got engaged before she got married.  Sorry I am not going to put my life on hold for anyone
  • Every couple is different, and I agree that some brides would definitely be happy for you (as they should be)- and others may be a little annoyed (understandable) - and you just have to know your friends.

    but something you should think about is how your fiancee to be will feel about this. Is she the type of person who will want to call every one of her friends, change her facebook status, and post pictures of the ring day you get engaged? If so, she may not be thrilled about having to keep her excitement in check all weekend. If she won't have a problem downplaying her own big news at the wedding to keep the bride's "thunder" rolling, then absolutely go for it!

    (congrats!)
  • I was asked around the time of an ex-friend's wedding.  I kept it to myself, fiance, and family just to enjoy being engaged for awhile and not have my friends (as much as I love them) ask whether they're in the wedding or not.  Everyone was excited for me except for the current ex-friend. She tried to take over my wedding planning but I would not let her.  I think you can do it and have a great time go for it.  I have had friends and family annouce that they are pregnant at weddings-always received with cheer.  Why would an engagement be any different unless the bride or groom are so self-centered that it would be best to say "We got engaged a few days before/after your wedding but I can't remember because your wedding was great!"
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  • In Response to Re: engagment question? am i stealing friends thunder??:
    I got engaged 4 days before being a bridesmaid in my oldest friends wedding! I had travelled to the wedding and had not seen many old family friends from our hometown since before college. I did my best to be happy about being engaged, but making sure that people knewthat I was there to be apart of their wedding. I got to ask my friend to be in my wedding in person, and I got to be apart of wedding all at once! I flat out asked her if it bothered her and she said she knew that I didnt do to upstage her, but that was the right time for us. it should be special for your relationship and shouldnt be dictacted around someone else's "thunder"
    Posted by FutureFicks
    I agree with you, it's not stealing any one's thunder.  I got engaged a week before my cousins wedding which happened to be our 6 year "dating anniversary." I like you was excited about being engaged but I kept it to myself during her wedding or any other time that was planned for them such as the rehearsal dinner.  Sometimes it sucks when two peoples important days fall close together, but as I have learned, no one can steal your thunder unless you let them. 
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