Give the ring back?

FutureMrsTR · February 2010

A woman I work with is getting divorced and her engagement ring was an heirloom from her (soon-to-be-ex) husband's family. I don't know what her plans are, but do you think she should return that ring?

I'm inclined to say yes because it's an heirloom and not something he picked up at the mall (in which case I'd probably expect her to keep it). There was no infidelity or abuse on anyone's part (that I know of), just general "irreconcilable differences". Thoughts? I'm just curious.

AmoroAgain · February 2010

Hm. I'd probably give it back.

buttaflai · February 2010

I think I'd give back a family heirloom.

skhynes · February 2010

I would probably give it back. It's a family heirloom, it would be strange for her to keep it unless they have a child together that she could give it to.

sarabellam · February 2010

I'd probably give it back.

BecW2be · February 2010

I'd give it back if it's an heirloom and there's no abuse/cheating.

kate51485 · February 2010

Because it's from the family, I'd give it back. Although if I were him, I don't know if I'd want to give it again to my next fiancee. Tainted/bad luck and all that...

ETA - good point about maybe keeping it if they had kids together. Do they?

SwedishChick2011 · February 2010

I think she should give the ring back, only because it's an heirloom. Legally she might not have to, but it would be the right thing to do. When I got divorced, division of property was spelled out in the agreement, including wedding rings.

BecW2be · February 2010

EX asked about mine (NOT an heirloom) once after he left and the divorce was almost final. I don't know if he wanted it to give to skankwhore or not. It gave me immense pleasure to tell him it was resting at the bottom of Lake Hickory, probably right under the Hwy. 321 bridge.

shellydiane820 · February 2010

I'd give it back to his family, not him. I'm passive agressive.

bbyckes · February 2010

I think it's hers to keep, unless the gift was conditioned upon her returning it in case of divorce. If he asks for it back, then I would probably return it, but if not - I wouldn't begrudge her for keeping it. She could pass it along to a child(ren) if any. It continues to be an heirloom.

crfische · February 2010

It's a family heirloom and it should stay in the family. (anyone know what movie that's from?)

If it wasn't a family heirloom depending on the conditions of the divorce I would keep it. Unless I was the one who fucked up royally, then I'd give it back.

AdeleDazeem · February 2010

Castaway.

And I'd give it back.

BecW2be · February 2010

I have a really good guy friend who was married less than a year, and his ex had his grandmother's engagement ring. Her father actually bought it from her and returned it to my friend. She was just keeping it for spite. I hate her.

shellydiane820 · February 2010

I can't imagine wanting a wedding ring from a previous wedding. I wouldn't want to wear it.

AlexiaANDRobert · February 2010

If there are children, I'd keep it and give it to them. If he asks about it, and there are children, that's exactly what I'd tell him.

If there aren't children, I think I'd give it back to him. If we're divorcing because he's a douche, then I'd give it back to this family.

AlexiaANDRobert · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_give-ring-back?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:569af9b3-0164-4c73-b912-5212b9b0c63fPost:dfe511d4-afb1-498e-a162-7186147a1938">Re: Give the ring back?</a>:
[QUOTE]I have a really good guy friend who was married less than a year, and his ex had his grandmother's engagement ring. Her father actually bought it from her and returned it to my friend. She was just keeping it for spite. I hate her.
Posted by BecW2be[/QUOTE]

That is so horrible.

I live in a puppies and rainbows kind of world. But, God forbid, if something like happened with us, I'd like to think I'd have the courtesy to give Robert the family diamond back. The setting and the band are mine though and I'm keeping that.

FutureMrsTR · February 2010

There aren't any children, so I imagine she'll give it back. I don't think she's the spiteful type.

squirrly · February 2010

Return it. If there are children, I think it should be his choice to give it to one of them. Besides, if there are multiple kids - how do you decide who gets it?

AlexiaANDRobert · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_give-ring-back?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:569af9b3-0164-4c73-b912-5212b9b0c63fPost:681d9fd3-8b5e-492c-9725-09c656c44aa0">Re: Give the ring back?</a>:
[QUOTE]Return it. If there are children, I think it should be his choice to give it to one of them. <strong>Besides, if there are multiple kids - how do you decide who gets it?
</strong>Posted by squirrly[/QUOTE]

I have no idea how Robert got the family ring, unless it had something with him being the only boy and it being passed down to the boy? But his Dad was one of 3 boys and he wasn't the oldest. Some questions I'd rather not ask. If there is resentment about it, I don't even want to know because it had nothing to do with me. I know Robert didn't ask for it. He cried when his mom offered it to him :) I have the sweetest guy.

sucrets4 · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_give-ring-back?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:569af9b3-0164-4c73-b912-5212b9b0c63fPost:c393fba2-0931-47e0-b94b-8b78809b0b83">Re: Give the ring back?</a>:
[QUOTE]I would probably give it back. It's a family heirloom, it would be strange for her to keep it unless they have a child together that she could give it to.
Posted by skhynes[/QUOTE]

This.

Especially if their split was pretty amicable.

missy68 · February 2010

I'd give back a family heirloom.

However, I sold my wedding set from my first marriage, and I've sold all jewelry he gave me. There was no family heirlooms there.

xoxpipahxox · February 2010

I have a ring that's a family heirloom and I could never keep it... never. If anything were to happen, I'd return it to FI's mother.

lizstill13 · February 2010

She should give it back. It was obviously meant to stay in the family which is probably why she got it in the first place.

This happened to family friends of ours and the girl did not give the ring back and his mother was pissed like I've never seen before. It's not cool to do that to a family.

goheels05 · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_give-ring-back?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:569af9b3-0164-4c73-b912-5212b9b0c63fPost:bdc24021-97e6-45e7-a0af-679d25c71559">Re: Give the ring back?</a>:
[QUOTE]EX asked about mine (NOT an heirloom) once after he left and the divorce was almost final. I don't know if he wanted it to give to skankwhore or not. It gave me immense pleasure to tell him it was resting at the bottom of Lake Hickory, probably right under the Hwy. 321 bridge.
Posted by BecW2be[/QUOTE]

I love this.

I gave my ex the ring back, but I regretted it when I found out that he had run up a $150 phone bill for me by making calls to Canada. Here I am, trying to do the "right" thing by giving him back the ring and giving him time to get his own cell phone contract.

I'm sorry, we weren't talking about me, were we.

sucrets4 · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_give-ring-back?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:569af9b3-0164-4c73-b912-5212b9b0c63fPost:c583fca8-2178-4b4d-a6d0-9579f90a5995">Re: Give the ring back?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Give the ring back? : I love this. I gave my ex the ring back, but I regretted it when I found out that he had run up a $150 phone bill for me by making calls to Canada. Here I am, trying to do the "right" thing by giving him back the ring and giving him time to get his own cell phone contract. I'm sorry, we weren't talking about me, were we.
Posted by goheels05[/QUOTE]

Heels, you're so selfish.

goheels05 · February 2010

I love you, sucrets.

sucrets4 · February 2010

::kisses::

fallbride1109 · February 2010

My center stone is an heirloom. I would of course give it back in the event of a split.

britne28 · February 2010

Legally if he gave it to her as a gift, ie xmas, Valentines, birthday then she gets to keep it. Any other day it's not a gift so she gives it back. I've seen a couple of court cases where that's the standard they use for deciding. I personally think family heirlooms need to be returned.

laurenclaire1386 · February 2010

If I had an heirloom from FI's family and we split, I'd definitely give it back. I do have an heirloom, but it's from my side of the family. So I keep it, no matter what happens.

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