Well, things have calmed down.
FI and talked last night and he said he still wants to go through the wedding. whew. We both agreed that we definitely need to go to counseling, and I've set some up for myself individually and we will go together on weekends when we can.
What is basically boils down to is that over the last year, we have lead two entirely separately lives in two different states. We both are lucky to have jobs as our industries are in the tank, and we moved apart to keep financially supporting ourselves. We thought at one point, someone would give up their job, or find a job in the other city, and move to the other, but neither of our companies has provided us with enough to make it 1. stable and 2. financially viable. (I make less than he does; he doesn't come with spousal health insurance; both companies are also failing) Neither of us has been able to find another job either.
So that leaves looking in an entirely new city, and starting fresh together. We agreed on a city (finally) a couple of weeks ago. I thought things were ok. But then over the Easter weekend, we had another huge blow up, and Tuesday night's argument was the tail end of that. We just have so much tension between us that has built up from a result of two different lives, and we need help sorting it out.
Some might say that we shouldn't get married if we are so different, but we're compatible in all of the other important areas - kids, money, the families we came from, religion, etc. Our families approve, are supportive, etc. It's just that living in 2 states is a PITA. Once we manage to get in the same zip code, I expect to have a very nice life together.