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Etiquette

Sweetheart table rude??

My mother is under the impression that a sweetheart table is rude because it "gives the impression that all those people are there for you and you're not sitting with any of them" and that it's all about the "spotlight." Right now I'm in between a sweetheart table and just sitting with both sets of parents and our sibings. I think sweetheart tables are popular these days?? I defintely won't do a head table.Thanks for sharing your thoughts!

Re: Sweetheart table rude??

  • They aren't rude. We had one and it made it easier to get up and make our rounds and for people to come up to us. Plus it's a private table for you and your husband which I  think it's sweet for just the two of you to have your time together.
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  • I wouldn't say it's rude. In my case, we didn't consider doing anything other than a sweetheart table. We have a lopsided wedding party, his parents are divorced and my dad has passed. It would actually be tougher to put together a head/family table! My mom will appreciate having her close friends to sit with, his parents will appreciate being on opposite ends of the reception area, and we will appreciate having a few minutes to eat and regroup before going forth and visiting with our guests.
  • In Response to Re: Sweetheart table rude??:
    I don't think that sweetheart tables are rude at all.  In fact, I think that the head tables are very rude unless you include your wedding parties' significant others.  I recently went to a wedding where my fiance was in the wedding party and I was not.  He was seated at the head table and they seated me alone!!  Needless to say, the reception was not fun for me at all.
    Posted by rebarobert2012

    I have been in that position, it sucks! Especially when you are roped into a table, alone, with people you don't know. Terrible. So head tables ARE rude, unless you include enough room for SO's. I think we are going with a sweetheart table just so no one has hurt feelings. Haven't made the final decision, yet, though. Just explain to your mom that you don't want to make anyone uncomfortable by forcing your WP's SO's to sit solo somewhere else so having a sweetheart table will nip that in the bud. Good luck!! Tongue out

    "Look like a girl, act like a lady, think like a man, & work like a boss." image Daisypath Wedding tickers
  • In Response to Re: Sweetheart table rude??:
    In Response to Re: Sweetheart table rude?? : 1) Your logic is flawed.  The people special to them stand up for them during the ceremony.  That's where the BP is understood to have a 'role'. 2) That role ends when the ceremony is over.  Having a head table isn't bad.  Splitting up people from their significant others is what is rude.
    Posted by banana468
    1. Your logic is flawed.  The BP is responsible for much more than just standing up at the ceremony.  I expect my bridesmaids to attend showers or bachelorette parties if they can.  I also expect them to socialize with my guests and keep the party going and things running smoothly.  The BP is there for FI and I. 
    2.  I've been a guest to a wedding where my FI was in the BP and at a head table separate from me.  I managed to eat without FI and made polite conversation with people I have never met before.  I was a guest and happy to be invited.  It's the couple's day and however they choose to do it is up to them.  Neither option is rude. 
  • In Response to Re: Sweetheart table rude??:
    In Response to Re: Sweetheart table rude?? : 1. Your logic is flawed.  The BP is responsible for much more than just standing up at the ceremony.  I expect my bridesmaids to attend showers or bachelorette parties if they can.  I also expect them to socialize with my guests and keep the party going and things running smoothly.  The BP is there for FI and I.  2.  I've been a guest to a wedding where my FI was in the BP and at a head table separate from me.  I managed to eat without FI and made polite conversation with people I have never met before.  I was a guest and happy to be invited.  It's the couple's day and however they choose to do it is up to them.  Neither option is rude. 
    Posted by akgardne
    Well, you're comletely wrong on both points.  So thre's that.

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  • In Response to Re: Sweetheart table rude??:
    In Response to Re: Sweetheart table rude?? : 1. Your logic is flawed.  The BP is responsible for much more than just standing up at the ceremony.  I expect my bridesmaids to attend showers or bachelorette parties if they can.  I also expect them to socialize with my guests and keep the party going and things running smoothly.  The BP is there for FI and I.  2.  I've been a guest to a wedding where my FI was in the BP and at a head table separate from me.  I managed to eat without FI and made polite conversation with people I have never met before.  I was a guest and happy to be invited.  It's the couple's day and however they choose to do it is up to them.  Neither option is rude. 
    Posted by akgardne
    As a BM it is not my job to make sure YOUR party runs smoothly. That's your and your FI's job.  My job is to buy a dress, show up on time to ceremony, stand next to you, and that's it. My job ends after the ceremony. If I can, I will attend both shower and bachelorette parties. But guess what?  I'm in a wedding in November and live out of state. The bride is well aware I might not be able to make both events, and she is ok with that. I am not there to be a bride's slave and make sure her party goes well. 

    Also no one is saying that they can't be separated from their SO and eat at a table they don't know, they are saying that it is rude to do separate them though. 
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  • Yes it may be a generation thing. However, my mom was enforcing the sweetheart table before I even mentioned it to her. Great minds think alike i guess :). However I will have other reserved tables for my parents and bridal party... Not sure how I'm going to seat his parents because they never were married and his dad is remarried and his mom can't stand his dad and I and my family don't get along with her.
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  • We're doing a head table (and not the "Last Supper" kind, ours will be round just like our guest tables) for a few reasons:

    1)  I've never been a fan of sweetheart tables...I guess part of that comes from the fact that I don't like to be the complete center of attention!  :)  (We're incorporating our guests into parts of the ceremony, so I'm safe there!)

    2)  I get pretty darn grumpy when I'm really hungry, so I WILL find 10 minutes to sit, eat, and maybe actually talk with the people who just stood with us as we got married...I'll be spending so much time with my guests that it would be nice to have a few minutes with our closest friends, too.  (And yes, I know that there will time for that before the wedding.)

    3)  I'm doing the same thing FI's friends did at their wedding in May; two of the three people in my BP don't have SOs (one has a bf but is in college in a different state, and I'm not sure if he would attend since we haven't talked since middle school), but FI's GMs and their SOs have all known each other since grade school and are good friends, so the SOs will be at their own table near family/BP tables so they're included but we don't have to worry about cramming a bunch of people around a table.


    In the end, just do whatever is best for your situation!
  • I loved having dinner with just my new H and having a few minutes of alone time to just take everything in and watch everyone having a great time. 
  • Sweetheart tables are absolutely not rude. I think PPs are right, your mom may have different ideas due to generational differences. It used to be very common to have a head table, with all the WP and their SOs, but as WPs started to get bigger, I think people started splitting up couples due to lack of room, and the WP was dissapointed they didn't get to sit with their SOs (as they have every right to be). Thus entered the sweetheart table. Besides, it's your wedding...isn't being in the spotlight sort of the point? Aren't these people here to see you? Of course, as the recieving line has gone out of fashion, so has making the rounds to as many guests as you can. You can do this after you've eaten or while people are dancing. We are planning on doing a sweetheart table. I plan on sitting there while eating and during the speaches and slideshow. Other than that, I expect to be socializing and dancing. But it will also be our homebase, where we can be together and people will not bother us as much.
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  • The one wedding that I went to that had a sweetheart table, it was set apart from the rest of the tables up on a stage. I didn't like that at all, because it made the bride and groom seem totally unapproachable. It would have felt like an intrusion to go up on their stage to talk with them. So for anyone doing a sweetheart table, please put it with the rest of the tables!

    And to the poster who said that receiving lines and making the rounds at the tables has gone out of fashion, please remember the reason behind those customs is to allow the bride and groom to greet all of their guests and spend at least a moment chatting with each one. That is just part of being a good host.
  • i never thought of this and i never seen this done but i am definetly thinking about it.  thanks for the idea.
  • If we were having a larger reception, we would totally do a sweetheart table!  I think that they are cute and special.  It makes sense.  It is their (your) day.
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  • Sweetheart tables are not rude.  And as for the spotlight being on you and everyone being there for you...of course! It's your day.  You do what you want.  Maybe your mom just want to be the attention getter.
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