Dealing with his cold feet!!

myancy01 · February 2012

My fiancé and I have been together four years. We got engaged this past July and the wedding is in June- just a few months away. For this weekend we went to visit his parents and work on some wedding plans. I know that marriage is a concept that has always terrified him but I have been trying really hard not to rush him. Our first year together we broke up three times because he was terrified. (There is a great deal of emotional baggage regarding his family and marriage) But we have had a wonderful relationship for years. Tonight after doing wedding things for a good chunk of the day - he seemed aloof and upset. Finally he said to me that he was freaking out about the wedding and commitment and really feels lost about what to do. He said he doesn't know if he is ready and it's just scaring him to think about. We didn't reach a conclusion and after much emotion just called it a night. Now I can't sleep and am wondering what is going to happen in the morning. Is this normal cold feet and he will be fine or am I dealing with something deeper?

mrsmtothek · February 2012

What scares him about the commitment exactly? Answering that question alone will help bring some clarity to the situation. If he knows he wants to be with you forever, its a very simple sentiment. Because weddings can become a circus, its understandable for anyone to get jittery about it. But ultimately he should be excited about marrying you, not dreading it. Its just about you and him spending the rest of your lives with one another. Are you guys living together?

ElleB87 · February 2012

I think he needs to seek counseling individually and you both need some counseling together. This may mean post poning the wedding a few months, maybe even a few years, but you definitely cannot force someone to make such a huge commitment if they are not 100% sure about it. I would suggest to him that he see a counselor (or pastor if he is religious) and seek some guidance and see where he's at after a few sessions. He might be happy with proceeding with plans while still going through counseling, or he might want to put things off for a bit. Be supportive, you only get one wedding day and you don't want to forever remember it as the day your husband felt forced to walk down the aisle.

ReturnOfKuus · February 2012

He doesn't want to get married right now, to you. Why are you trying to force him into it?

chrryblndchick · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_dealing-with-his-cold-feet?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:2973e3d5-c44e-4635-bbbe-8f8b11416cacPost:c17e1caa-1168-4552-8d90-fcaaae44779a">Re: Dealing with his cold feet!!</a>:
[QUOTE]I think he needs to seek counseling individually and you both need some counseling together. This may mean post poning the wedding a few months, maybe even a few years, but you definitely cannot force someone to make such a huge commitment if they are not 100% sure about it. I would suggest to him that he see a counselor (or pastor if he is religious) and seek some guidance and see where he's at after a few sessions. He might be happy with proceeding with plans while still going through counseling, or he might want to put things off for a bit. Be supportive, you only get one wedding day and you don't want to forever remember it as the day your husband felt forced to walk down the aisle.
Posted by ElleB87[/QUOTE]

All of this.

Dealing with his cold feet!!

Re: Dealing with his cold feet!!

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