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new and scared...and not catholic but having a catholic wedding for my FI

FutureMrsN11FutureMrsN11
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in Catholic Weddings
Hello everyone,

I am not Catholic, but I am having a Catholic wedding.  My FI is Catholic and I am Non-Denominational Christian mixed with new age type things from my family background.  Anyway the main point I am writing is I am very scared, I don't know what to expect.  We met with the priest soon after we got engaged (Dec 28th, I think is when we met with him) and we are meeting with him again tonight.  At the first meeting he just took our information, now on to the second meeting and I really have no idea what to expect or what is expected of me.  So I was wondering if anyone else has been through this, or had any ideas to help calm my nerves.  The priest is a great guy and seems really nice, but I don't like not knowing what to expect and at this point, I have no idea.  I guess my biggest fear is the priest will say we can't get married in the Catholic church and my FI won't have the Sacrament (the main reason I wanted us to get married at his church, since it is so important).  I heard there is suppose to be a test we will have to take (FOCUS), and a Family planning class, and either a weekend thing or meeting with couples from the church thing. Can anyone tell me a little more about these things?  Also anything to help reduce my worries about this all.  I know I sound pathetic, but not coming from that faith I don't know what is going to happen or anything. 

Thank you so much for all your help!
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Re: new and scared...and not catholic but having a catholic wedding for my FI

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    SaraAndrew2010SaraAndrew2010 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Congratulations on your engagement!  Really, I think everything will work out for you.  Getting married in the Catholic church shouldn't be anything scary, just be open and honest throughout the process.

    It's common for a Catholic and non-Catholic to get married in the Catholic church.  You don't have to worry about anyone trying to force you to convert.  Typically when a Catholic and non-Catholic get married they have a Catholic ceremony but not a mass.

    The FOCCUS is more of an assement than a test.  You and your FI each answer a bunch of questions about your relationship and values (you can either agree, disagree, or be uncertain about agreeing with each statement).  The person administering FOCCUS will review the results and lead you in a discussion of areas in which you have different answers.  It's expected that you will have different answers on multiple questions, and the purpose of the survey is to identify areas you might want to discuss a little more.  You can't "fail".

    Each diocese is different when it comes to the class requirement.  We went to an all-day Saturday class that was led by two married couples.  Most of the session was non-religious and focused on things like communication skills, being on the same page about finances, plans for working and raising children.  The couples discussed the basics of natural family planning briefly and we had an option to attend an NFP class, but our diocese did not require it.

    Really, there was nothing scary in the whole process.  No one we met with grilled us on our beliefs/lifestyle.  I hope I answered some of your questions.  Also check out www.catholicweddinghelp.com and let us know if you have other questions.


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    [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Sara pretty much summed things up.

    However, we were required to do an Engaged Encounter (EE) weekend. It was a weekend retreat with other couples in which they talked in more detail about what living a Catholic/Christian marriage means. But you may or may not be required by your dioceses to do it.
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    MissAngelMissAngel member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_new-scaredand-not-catholic-but-having-catholic-wedding-fi?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:615Discussion:cfb6971c-6de6-4bd5-a078-86a5176c5474Post:824d0ca0-cb58-4588-bf2c-0b04cae55d56">Re: new and scared...and not catholic but having a catholic wedding for my FI</a>:
    [QUOTE]Sara pretty much summed things up. However, we were required to do an Engaged Encounter (EE) weekend. It was a weekend retreat with other couples in which they talked in more detail about what living a Catholic/Christian marriage means. But you may or may not be required by your dioceses to do it.
    Posted by MissySue20[/QUOTE]

    Ditto this.  Sarah pretty much hit every point.

    We were also required to do an Engaged Encounter weekend, but very little of it was about living a Catholic/Christian faith, it was more related to working on marriage in general:  how to fight fair, etc.  There were a few parts that were religion based, but since it was taught with the guidelines for TwoGether in Texas (a non-denominational course), it was just that, non-denominational.  Also, there were quite a few interfaith couples there.
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    bibliophile2010bibliophile2010 member
    First Anniversary Name Dropper Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Take a deep breath. It is all going to be ok. The others have pretty much said it all, but I just wanted to chime in and assure you that if you go and speak to the priest honestly and listen with an open heart to what he has to say, I'm sure that things will go forward with no major issues.

    There are lots of ways that the Marriage Prep can be conducted (weekend, evenings, mentor couples), but they are all similar in focus -- communication, finances, intimacy, etc.. Again, go with an open mind and heart and it will be fine.
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    rlytton87rlytton87 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Thank you everyone for all of this...my FI is not Catholic & has been a bit misinformed by a few of my well-meaning "adopted" Catholic family & was getting nervous. I showed him this & he feels much better, at least until we can get a chance to sit down with Father & really get things squared away :) 
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    SaraAndrew2010SaraAndrew2010 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Glad we could help!  Keep us updated about how your meetings go.
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    FutureMrsN11FutureMrsN11
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Yes, thank you all!  I feel MUCH better!  Our meeting got switched from last night to Thursday night.  I will let you all know how it goes!  That site is really awesome!  And it helps me figure out what I need to do.  Hopefully these worry thoughts will go away soon.
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    wifeandmommy0609wifeandmommy0609
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    i agree with everyone else..

    just relax and things will work out.
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    soccerella7soccerella7 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    thanks for sharing everyone...I've been trying to explaing to my FI, who isnt catholic, that its not all religious based, so at least I have back up on this now!
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