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Difficult Bridesmaid

amandabartlettamandabartlett
First Comment
in Texas-Austin
I'm usually not comfortable venting in public places, but I feel like someone on here might understand where I'm coming from because I feel like no on else does!
I have 7 Bridesmaids, most of them are cousins my age with the exception of a few close friends. When I was thinking about who I wanted to pick in my family, I went down the line and got to one I KNEW was going to be a pain in my ass, but I knew if I didnt ask her she would make everyone's life a living hell. That's how she is, impossible to please.
Well, we are a few months into planning and she has complained about EVERYTHING! She bitches about the color of the dresses and says "Well, if it was my wedding..." however, she is not married (because she is so freaking mean). She doesnt like the way I do ANYTHING or ANYTHING that I've picked. She wants to do her own hair and makeup and refuses to use the people everyone else is using. She makes "suggestions" to the other girls that go against what I've asked them to do. I am trying to "kill her with kindness" but things like that dont phase her. 
Today I asked her if she got the note about the dress change and she said "Got it. Thanks."  If I dont do things her way then she refuses to talk to me. Which would be nice, but she has to be involved with what I've chosen and the plans I'm making.
She is driving me NUTS! I cant go back and say that she cant be a part of the wedding and I know she wont back out because she wants to torture me. I've been trying not to add this crap to my pile of stress, but I dont know what to say to either make her happy or make her shut up. Is anyone else having this problem?

Again, so sorry for the ranting! I know this is supposed to be a happy place, but I'm just a very frustrated Bridezilla right now :)
My Bio - From beginning to end, see how I planned my wedding on my Bio Website! "There will be a time when you believe everything is finished. That will be the beginning." -Louis L'Amour
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Re: Difficult Bridesmaid

  • Future RamseyFuture Ramsey
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Hey, everyone is allowed to vent as wedding planning is hard enough on its own without someone making you miserable during the process. If I were you, I'd have to have a frank conversation with her and just let her know that while you appreciate her opinions/suggestions, it is your wedding and you need her to go along with what you're planning since it is YOUR day. Tell her although you'd be sad not to have her as a bridesmaid, you need a bridal party that is supportive of your decisions and that if her being involved is just going to make you both unhappy, then she doesn't need to be a bridesmaid. If you don't speak up now, you'll end up exploding to her or in front of her at some point before the wedding is over. Maybe if you aren't comfortable talking with her about it, you can ask another family member to speak with her be it your Mom, her Mom, whoever might get through to her. For me, its shape up or ship out . . . but then again I wouldn't be afraid of hurting her feelings or pissing her off. There's no reason you shouldn't be surrounded by those who make your special day a happy one!
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  • akg0053akg0053 member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    It sounds like you have known, from the beginning, that you were going to have problems with her. I didn't ask those people to be in my bridal party for this reason. If she wasn't going to be happy no matter what, then I think she can be unhappy NOT as a bridesmaid.

    However, since you have already asked her, the best course of action is to just ignore her or sit her down yourself and tell her that her behavior is flat out unacceptable. I'm not a fan of having other people fight my battles, so I wouldn't have a mom or somebody do it because it is your problem that you are having with her, not a mom's problem they are having. 

    If you don't want to talk to her, then just ignore her. If she wants to get her hair done by somebody else, then let her I guess. She doesn't have to like your ideas. As long as you like what you're doing with your wedding, then that's what matters. 

    If killing her with kindness doesn't work, then flat out ignore her. 
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  • SarahPLizSarahPLiz member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    YOu can just keep her out of the planning totally. Tell her what dress to buy and when to show up at the ceremony. If she doesn't do it, then she has removed herself from the wedding party.

    However, unless you are paying for her hair and makeup, you really can't require her to get them done professionally at all.
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  • chloetutorchloetutor
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I'm gonna go with Sarah on this one.  I'd be pissed if a bride forced me to pay to get my hair and makeup done.  If you're splurging then by all means chew her out.  Tell her where to be at what time for pictures and leave it at that.
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  • akg0053akg0053 member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_texas-austin_difficult-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:126Discussion:23821204-a1f2-49a7-b295-3ad8ecf5d854Post:83a2fea1-a7c9-4ecc-938a-323fa4ce26e6">Re: Difficult Bridesmaid</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>YOu can just keep her out of the planning totally.</strong> Tell her what dress to buy and when to show up at the ceremony. If she doesn't do it, then she has removed herself from the wedding party. However, unless you are paying for her hair and makeup, you really can't require her to get them done professionally at all.
    Posted by SarahPLiz[/QUOTE]

    <div>This is what I was trying to say, basically. </div>
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    Not caring about missing RSVPs because there aren't any rocks!
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  • amandabartlettamandabartlett
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Thanks for the advice. I still havent decided what to do. I appreciate you guys taking the time to tell me what you would do if you were in my situation.
    My Bio - From beginning to end, see how I planned my wedding on my Bio Website! "There will be a time when you believe everything is finished. That will be the beginning." -Louis L'Amour
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