Community› Wedding Discussion Boards› Wedding Etiquette Forum
Wedding Etiquette Forum
New Discussion
Options

Am I off base? non-WR - sorry totally too long

Lapontoona6Lapontoona6 member
First Comment
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
So I know this is non wedding related and most likely not the right board but I tend to lurk/post here most often and respect where you girls come from objectively.

Ok so my older sister is going through a separation with her husband - which is awful for her- honestly I'm not that upset b/c I'm not a huge fan of his anyway.  So I have a group of really close college friends that my sister is also close to (prior to her husband).  So about 4 times a year we all get together at my friends lake house and party all weekend and it's about the only times that I get to see all of them at once.  Labor day happens to be one of those weekends.  So my sister tells me yesterday that Chris her-soon to be ex is going up to the lake without her. Which is weird b/c for the first 3 years (out of 4) he had fought her about going up there b/c he hated it. Now my FI and I can't make it this year b/c we're going to a wedding but it makes me uncomfortable that he's up there with my friends. 
-none of my friends know that they are separated (it just happened within the last month or so and my sister has chosen not to tell them.  She told Chris that he has to tell them this weekend.)
Am I out of line to be upset that he's going and that he now wants to be a part of the weekends?  I don't want to see him there when I'm there either.  The weekends are usually 20-30 people so it's not like I could avoid him.
sorry so long, thanks!
Report Reply to Post

Re: Am I off base? non-WR - sorry totally too long

  • Options
    TurtlesAllTheWayDownTurtlesAllTheWayDown member
    First Comment Combo Breaker First Anniversary
    Eh, you won't be there, so don't worry about it. I'm sure he'll stop going soon. Like, uh, when it's awkward to be around his ex-wife's friends. If he doesn't feel awkward, I'm sure they'll feel awkward and eventually give him the cold shoulder if he keeps trying to come. Plus, when your sister goes, I doubt he'll want to be there, and it sounds like she's normally there.

    It's just one weekend.
    my read shelf:
    Meredith's book recommendations, liked quotes, book clubs, book trivia, book lists (read shelf)
    40/112

    Photobucket
    Report Reply
  • Options
    Stackeye210Stackeye210 member
    First Comment
    I could be wrong, but it sounds like he's worried people will get together and talk about him and how they're glad they've separated (kind of just like you are).  So maybe he figures if he goes to the lake nobody can talk about them, or he can make sure they don't. 

    I could be waaaaaay off base.  Idk.
    Report Reply
  • Options
    Lapontoona6Lapontoona6 member
    First Comment
    well the problem is that he doesn't talk to these people normally and all he had done for 3 years was talk trash about him - they don't really know him so there'd be nothing to talk about but I see what you're thinking
    Report Reply
  • Options
    redheadfsuredheadfsu member
    First Comment
    This is really your sister's call about how they want to handle the break up. You can be upset, but you can't & shouldn't do anything about it. All you can do is try to avoid him if he goes when you go.

    Planning Bio
    Married 9/15/11

    image
    *This is Not Legal Advice*
    Report Reply
  • Options
    Beachy730Beachy730 member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment

    Whatever his reasoning is, its a decision between him and your sister.  Maybe it was actually your sisters idea so that he can be the one to tell them about the split.  You said that the friends don't know about their split, so they invited the 2 of them as a couple, not specifically your BIL.  Since you won't be there this time I would't worry about it.  And by the next time your trip rolls around, theres a good chance your sister will be invited and not him since they are her friends.  If its going to be an awkward situation I wouldn't think he would want to be around.

    imageBabyFruit Ticker
    Report Reply
  • Options
    wadingmoosewadingmoose member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    You seem awfully possessive about "your" friends.

    It's really up to your sister how she deals with her husband.

    "You can take your etiquette and shove it!" ~misscarolb
    Report Reply
  • Options
    Lapontoona6Lapontoona6 member
    First Comment
    i am possessive of my friends - they're my best and closest and like brothers to me.  it's just weird b/c he's not friendly with any of them outside of the lake house or me. 

    thank you all for your advice - clearly i'm not saying anything to my sister lord knows she doesn't need anyone else giving her grief about their separation or how it effects everyone else
    - it's just weird to me that he would want to be a part of something now that he never wanted to be in the past and what it really boils down to is that I don't want to see him
    -he tends to spread lies and I don't want that a part of my life if I don't have to.

    Thanks!
    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards