Moms and Maids

Re: ...

  • aerinpegadrakaerinpegadrak member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Cliff's Notes?

    Judging from what I could actually glean from the wall of text, I'll just say that it's her body and her money, so she should absolutely be comfortable in the dress, and you're wrong for putting two yards of fabric at a higher priority over the feelings of someone who will be family.
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    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_need-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:493792ff-bcfc-4f01-82be-05ba086ef5b8Post:ff85ce49-9060-4792-9ead-3fe2f06dd8f9">I need HELP!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]My FH's sister and I are the same age and get along really well. I asked her to be one of my [7] bridesmaids, and she accepted. Originally I wanted all of my bridesmaids to be in different dresses in the same royal blue, but as I went along and we were all looking @ dresses TOGETHER, I decided that I LOVED this one particular dress, and all of my bridesmaids did too. All except for FSIL. Not only was she complaining about every little thing (color, dress type, fabric, how she should wear her hair...) She happens to have a larger body-type than the rest of my bridesmaids and she insists that it doesn't look good on her. She and  I went to the bridal shop alone together twice and she has not let me see herself in this dress. She refuses to come out of the dressing room. I tried to be accomodating by suggesting that she find a dress that she is comfortable in, present it to me and we'll see what we can do with trying to get one or two of my other bridesmaids in this dress of her choosing. Unfortunately the dress I had chosen has different strap options, which is accomodating for all and none of my bridesmaids are willing to change (because they love the dress and also because I hand-picked it and it's "my wedding"-- implying that they should have no say in what they wear.) My FH is away right now & is under very stressful circumstances and I'm trying to keep him out of it as much as possible, but when his sister said she decided she wasn't going to be a bridesmaid anymore because of a dress, he flipped. It seems that the more he sticks up for me, the more it backfires and gets thrown back in my face. My FMIL and I had a converstation about how I shouldn't tell him anything that is going on with the dress and his sister and that we will work it out. As far as I'm concerned, FSIL said she wasn't going to do it any more. I went and had a converstation with her, trying to get her to see that the dress is so unimportant in the grand scheme of things, and she can change for the reception if she wants. All of her answers are "no." But, I feel I am being blamed for the fact that his sister is upset that she's not a bridesmaid in her brothers wedding, when in reality it was her choice. Yes, I have the power to change the dress, but I really LOVE it. Not to mention deposits have been made. If she had come to me off the bat and said she had some insecurity issues, I would be WAY more accomodating, but at this point in the game it's just immature added stress. I don't know what to do, or how to handle his mother and now his sister. I can't have all of this weight on my shoulders-- Did I do something wrong? Should I stop being stubborn and change the dress???
    Posted by amaeby924[/QUOTE]
  • Cynthia1207Cynthia1207 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Well if you originally wanted everyone to be in different dresses but in the same color, I don't see why your FSIL can't choose a dress she likes and feels comfortable in. Let her choose.
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  • Simply FatedSimply Fated member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    It is nearly impossible to find 1 dress styles that will fit 7 girls perfectly. Even 1 dress style that will fit 3 girls perfectly.

    Yes, I have the power to change the dress, but I really LOVE it. Not to mention deposits have been made.
    So you don't really have the power to change the dress, because then the girls will all lose their deposits?

    If she had come to me off the bat and said she had some insecurity issues, I would be WAY more accomodating, but at this point in the game it's just immature added stress.
    I have yet to meet anyone, boy or girl, who didn't have insecurity issues. The fact that she is self-concious about anything, be it her weight or her hair, should not have come as a surprise to you.

    Let her pick out any dress she wants in the same color.

    You don't need matchy-matchy dresses, because most people won't notice and those who do, won't care.

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  • edited December 2011
         With this situation you originally agreed to allow your bridesmaids some freedom in choosing their dresses. You told them as long as the dresses were the correct color then all would be fine. This was probably a relief to you FSIL. Your FSIL was probably banking on being able to find a dress that she would be comfortable in, and might even wear again. 
         Just because you decided to change the plans (I know, I know your wedding) it doesn't mean that your FSIL should just jump on the new dress bandwagon. Speaking from a size 16 perspective it really can suck to have to wear the same dress as a size 8 person. My bridesmaids range from size 2 to size 26, so I have selected the color and they shall select their dresses accordingly. 
  • ElleestJennElleestJenn member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    You already said it in your post as you tried to talk to you FSIL, that the dress is unimportant in the grand scheme of things. So let her choose her own dress. 

     

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  • vixeyvixey member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    It's stupid to delete your original post when someone quoted you.  It just makes you look like more of a baby than your OP did.
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  • aerinpegadrakaerinpegadrak member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_need-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:493792ff-bcfc-4f01-82be-05ba086ef5b8Post:06e8e213-0d8f-4170-ba68-6e2ae7072bf5">Re: I need HELP!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Yes, this is most certainly the cliffs notes version. Otherwise it'd be 100 pages long. So what you're saying is change it?
    Posted by amaeby924[/QUOTE]
    When your post takes up the entire length of my 19" monitor, I highly doubt it's the most concise version of the situation.
    This is a neglected planning bio.
    This is a belated married bio, with no reviews yet because I'm lazy.

    image
    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_need-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:493792ff-bcfc-4f01-82be-05ba086ef5b8Post:48fef4ca-dfc8-4e81-9056-652569c3c1f8">Re: I need HELP!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]     With this situation you originally agreed to allow your bridesmaids some freedom in choosing their dresses. <strong>You told them as long as the dresses were the correct color then all would be fine. This was probably a relief to you FSIL. Your FSIL was probably banking on being able to find a dress that she would be comfortable in, and might even wear again. </strong>      Just because you decided to change the plans (I know, I know your wedding) it doesn't mean that your FSIL should just jump on the new dress bandwagon.  
    Posted by jjones3636[/QUOTE]

    <div>This, exactly. Going back on your word is a mean thing to do, and it's a wretched way to treat family, no matter how much you "LOVE" the dress. You should LOVE family more.</div>
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  • edited December 2011
    1) Deleting your post because you don't like the answers you are getting is highly immature.

    2) I love the dress that my 12-year-old cousin/BM picked to wear in my wedding. That doesn't mean I'm going to go back and tell my other BMs (who are in their 20s) that their dress selections are out the window and they now have to conform to what I want.

    3) It is nearly impossible to find one dress that works on all ages/body types. Hence why many brides are going to the same color, different dress route for their bridal parties. If your FSIL has genuine concerns about how her body will look in the dress, let her pick her own dress, in the same color as the other girls. She will be more comfortable (and, subsequently, look happier) and your wedding party will still look pretty and coordinated. Think about it this way - how would you feel if you were in a wedding and the bride forced you to wear a dress that you absolutely hated? You'd probably buck up and wear it, but you'd probably be miserable in it the whole time.

    4) Telling your FSIL to buck up and wear a dress she physically feels uncomfortable with (after you told her she wouldn't have to) is a really sh*tty way to treat family, but her behavior (refusing to talk about the situation) isn't much better. I think you both need to act like adults - sit down and have an adult conversation (with your FMIL there, if necessary) and figure out a compromise that will make everyone happy.

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  • edited December 2011
    Thanks everyone! And I didn't delete my post because of the answers I recieved, but the reaction I got from home ("you did WHAT??? Why is this all over the internet!)  I appreciate your answers because I couldn't take myself out of the situation. I was kind of blinded by my own selfishness.
  • SSaltzman87SSaltzman87 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_need-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:493792ff-bcfc-4f01-82be-05ba086ef5b8Post:deb87425-e3f9-46e8-b4bf-f15fd4104b34">Re: I need HELP!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]It's stupid to delete your original post when someone quoted you.  It just makes you look like more of a baby than your OP did.
    Posted by vixey[/QUOTE]

    No kidding.
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