party fam or friends

Re: party fam or friends

• vicki0508 member

  

  April 2011 edited April 2011

  You should ask people to be BMs and GM based on your relationship with each person.  Keep in mind that you can have your brother on your side and your FI can have his sisters stand up on his side.  Also, your sides don't have to be even.
  
  You don't have to have a FG or a RB, but if that would pacify FMIL, you might want to consider it.
  
  I think it's weird to rule certain people out because of their marital status.

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• mbcdefg member

  

  April 2011

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_party-fam-friends?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:8630ba2a-b38a-427e-bac4-07a2b2e78737Post:0654cc9c-9d8c-46f9-9db1-7b8e2685e33c">party fam or friends</a>:
  [QUOTE]<strong>Ok, so my fiance and I had agreed, no one married in the party (this got me out of having to ask my sis - i-law to be a BM). 
  
  </strong>Do you mean that you don't want to ask the spouses of people you were planning to ask to be in the wedding party? (Like, you'd ask your best friend but not her husband?) This is fine ... spouses do not autmatically have to be in the wedding party if you wouldn't otherwise ask them.
  
  Or do you mean that no married people at all will be allowed in the party, even if you weren't planning on including their spouses? (Like, if your best friend was married she wouldn't be allowed?) If so, then this is really odd.
  
  
  <strong>I was very happy with the idea of two BMs and two GM.  However, F- MIL believes that brothers and sisters should be in the party, along with my 2 yr old niece and nephew.  I don't want a flower girl and ring bearer. 
  </strong>
  
  Your FMIL does not get a say, since it's not her wedding. If you don't want the siblings or children, then you don't have to have them. Your FI needs to tell her to butt out.
  
  However, if she's contributing money toward the wedding, then she might use that as blackmail to get her way. So you either have to suck it up and follow her wishes, or refuse her money so that you get 100% control over your wedding.
  
  <strong><em>I love both the future sis- in -laws and have no problem with them being in the party - in fact I would love it.  However, I'm not real close with my brother, and he hasn't exactly made a good impression on my fiance yet.  If we do siblings, we have to do all of them, not just his sisters. 
  </em></strong>
  You are not obligated to have your brother, even if you ask your future sisters-in-law.
  
  However, in some families it starts a fight if siblings aren't included (especially if the in-laws are included and they aren't). Decide for yourself if this is a battle worth fighting. All your brother would have to do would be to get the tux/suit and stand up in the ceremony - he doesn't have to help plan or be your buddy. And he doesn't have to be a groomsman ... he could be your own attendant and stand on your side. But again, decide for yourself if this is important enough to you to fight people about.
  
  <strong><em>Any thoughts out there?  Thoughts beyond "it's your wedding."
  </em></strong>
  You're entitled to ask who you want, the numbers don't need to be even, and you don't need to split the bridal party along gender lines (you can have men and your FI can have women). You and your FI, not your families, should make the final call.
  
  However, the bridal party doesn't need to do anything other than wear the outfits, be in the ceremony and be in some formal photos, so it might be worth it to you guys to just include all the siblings and avoid a big family fight. But other people have left out siblings they're not close to and the world didn't end ... so it's your call. Talk to your FI and come to a decision yourselves.
  
  
  
  Posted by nic18dan[/QUOTE]

  

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• colstj1 member

  

  April 2011

  Ask who you want. There should be no pressure to have brothers or sisters in your wedding. I know my mom always says she regrets feeling like she had to ask my dad's sisters to be BM's instead of friends she would have preffered to have standing up there with her.
  
  So, go with who you want, and if you want to skip the relatives that is yours and your FI's decision.
  

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• FutureMrsSheeler

  

  April 2011

  I agree with Vicki.

  

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• musicjailbird7

  

  April 2011

  You could just have the more the merrier. If the real issue is that you're not close with your brother, then don't include him in the wedding party. Tell him you love him and want him to just enjoy the wedding as a guest. I'm having three of my four sisters in my wedding party, and my fourth sister as a guest. 

  to love is to be two, and yet one. A man and a woman blended as angels. Heaven itself... - Victor Hugo

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• shopgrl3177

  

  April 2011

  I'm confused about the no married people rule.  Why does it matter if they are married?  How does your FI feel about having his sisters in the wedding?  If it's important to him than I think you should ask them.  I would have been upset if my brother was not in my wedding and I asked FSIL because it was important to FI.  As far as RB/FG, it's your wedding and if you and FI don't want them than don't do it.

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• nic18dan member

  

  April 2011

  Thanks for the RE:s so far... for clarification:
  The idea of not asking marrie dpeople, is part of much older tradition, they are "maids."  It's not something I'm married to, but the idea certainly helped with explaining why not to ask my brother.  My FI's (married) sister already told me (on her own accord) that she would not be offended if I didn't ask her.  She just had a baby and I think she would prefer to not be asked.  FI was ok with this until his mom spoke up.

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