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Manipulative mother. Should I change my plans?

forreallyseriousforreallyserious member
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in Wedding Woes
I've been planning my December 2012 wedding since last April. Originally, I wanted to do it at Disney World, but my mom guilted me into having it in my hometown so that only the groom's family has to travel. 

We just discovered that we can save thousands of dollars (over half of what we were spending) if we move the wedding to Disney World (honeymoon is there and we can get free annual passes with the wedding), which is what we REALLY want! My mom has used every angle imaginable to guilt me into changing my mind.

Her #1 reason is that my family is taking a cruise in January so it sucks for her that she has to drive to Florida twice within a month (we live in NC). She's trying to say that my brother can't miss school (he's missing 4 days because she booked the cruise during school). 

We're paying for our "reception" and we've moved it to a resort restaurant so my family won't have to pay for park admission. We're actually getting the dining plan for a day for everyone so everybody can get free breakfast and lunch as well. Basically, they have to pay for gas to get there and a hotel for a night or two off site in Orlando. 

However, my mother refuses to drive for 10 hours straight and is set on getting a hotel on the way there and the way back. My feeling is that if they really can't drive straight through, they can take a tent and an air mattress. 

Anyway, we've been catering to everyone else and it's just not what either of us really want. It's planned to be immediate family only with maybe a couple of friends (all of the groom's family and friends are willing to travel). 

Am I really being that selfish? Or do I just have a manipulative mom?

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Re: Manipulative mother. Should I change my plans?

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    baconsmombaconsmom member
    5 Love Its First Answer First Anniversary Name Dropper
    If you pay, you say. Tell her to shove it. 
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    mdeidremdeidre
    First Comment
    I don't think it's selfish to want what you both want, just understand that some people aren't going to want that same thing.  That being said, maybe your mom is trying to manipulate you, guilt is a powerful weapon and many moms are 10th level masters at it.  As for driving 10 hours straight, I would never want to do that, so I can understand where she's coming from with that, well, except for the fact that she was planning on doing it later on.  Discuss it with your FI and the two of you decide what you both think is best.  Maybe you can offer to have a small gathering after you get back if mom decides not to come.
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    *Barbie**Barbie* member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    how old are you?
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    forreallyseriousforreallyserious member
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_manipulative-mother-should-i-change-my-plans?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:3f499a4d-debf-4624-a61d-d853111878abPost:87166c12-c5b0-4929-bc66-f3e6731d0dcc">Re: Manipulative mother. Should I change my plans?</a>:
    [QUOTE]how old are you?
    Posted by *Barbie*[/QUOTE]

    <div>24</div>
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    mdeidremdeidre
    First Comment
    Ohhhhh, so you haven't had time to develop your guilt shield.  Also, your mom may not be ready to look at you as an adult.  My sister is 25 and she has those issues with my mom even though she's living in another state now.  You and your FI have to decide what's best and then stick together and stick to your guns.  This is how it's going to have to be anyway, you and him against the world. 
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    rbamrbam member
    First Comment
    Your mom is definitely manipulating you.  My mom has been doing the same crap to me during the entire wedding process (inviting people I don't know behind my back with scanned invitation copies, then making me feel bad when I say they can't attend since I didn't invite them and she's not paying for it).

    Your mom is just being difficult - just try to ignore her.  Ten hours to drive is nothing.  I've driven 13 by myself one day.  If it's so hard for her, she can pay for her own hotel or fly (southwest is pretty cheap).  It's not your problem.  She's just trying to push you so you do everything how she wants, guess what it's not her wedding!
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