Military Brides

Is it really that bad?

Is it really that bad to have a vow renewal ceremony after you have already been married by a JOP?

When H and I married we got married because that is what we wanted to do. It had absolutely nothing to do with him joining the military or benefits. We had actually been talking about getting married for a few years and that was long before he decided to join the military. So we finally did it. All we could afford was a JOP wedding and that was fine with me because I was marrying the love of my life. I'm not going to sit here and act like I didn't want a big wedding with all the trimmings but it simply was not something we could afford and I did not want to begin our life together in unnecessary debt. All was good until I started helping my friend plan her wedding. DH saw how much I enjoyed it and knew that I had always wanted a wedding. By this time we had saved a ton of money (and MIL gave us a wedding gift of a few thousand dollars) and my H decided to give me the ceremony that I always wanted. So now we are having a vow renewal ceremony in December with our closest family and friends. Our anniversary is and always will be 10/17 but this is our party to celebrate the love we share with our friends & famly. Also, I have lied to no one. Everyone knows we are already married and that this is a vow renewal ceremony.

So...is what I am doing really that bad?
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Re: Is it really that bad?

  • Beachy730Beachy730
    5000 Comments Fourth Anniversary Combo Breaker
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    edited December 2011
    Did you read the thread about 10-15 down from this about two weddings? 

    You are at least doing it the right way, by calling at a vow renewal, and not at all pretending its your wedding.  How long have you been married?  I think its a little strange to renew your vows a few months after getting married, but if people want to do that, then fine. 

    I have a problem when people are already married and plan their "big wedding" because they didn't get one the first time around.  You don't get a 2nd wedding, you can do a vow renewal though.  I have an enormous problem when people get married by a JOP and then lie to their guests and let them think the "big wedding" is the real wedding.  And I have a problem when people register for a vow renewal.  You register for your wedding, you don't get to register for a vow renewal.  If thats the case, anytime I throw a party I should be able to register for gifts.  I have a problem with people doing a JOP wedding for the money or benefits and then having a "big wedding" later.  And above all, I have a huge problem with people who think just because we are military families it gives us the right to lie to our family and friends and throw ourselves multiple weddings.

    So basically, since it doesn't sound like you're doing any of the above (except maybe registering, I don't know if you mentioned that), then no I don't see anything wrong with what you're doing. 
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  • edited December 2011
    We are absolutely NOT registering. We told people that if they wanted to get us a gift to bring a small unwrapped toy to place under the tree and we are donating everything to Toys for Tots! My husband is in the Marine Corps and I thought that would be a great thing to do for the holidays.
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  • Beachy730Beachy730
    5000 Comments Fourth Anniversary Combo Breaker
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    edited December 2011
    That is a really nice idea.  With that being said, no I don't see anything wrong with your vow renewal.  And thank you, thank you, thank you, for knowing enough not to call it your second wedding, or your wedding day. 
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  • Sammy0709Sammy0709
    Fifth Anniversary 500 Comments 25 Love Its
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    edited December 2011

    That's actually a good idea to register for gifts for every party (I mean birthdays) you have.  Then you never get something that you're like "ummmm why?"  Tongue out

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  • Beachy730Beachy730
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    edited December 2011
    My friend did a Target wish list for her daughter's birthday when she turned 2 because everyone was asking what to get her.  Some people got seriously pissed at her that she did that, becuase they thought it was so rude. 
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  • edited December 2011
    I think it's a great idea. I've come to the conclusion that too many people have too many opinions and it's what YOU want that's important. It's your life and your marriage.. if you want a vow renewal to pronounce your love to each other go for it and have a wonderful moment!!!! Good luck!
  • edited December 2011
    I don't think so. The only time a vow renewal, second wedding, whatever anyone wants to call it pisses me off is when the couple lies to guests about it.

    The terminology issue is another thing. We got married by JOP this summer and are hoping to do what my H and I consider a vow renewal. But, the church and most of his family consider it a wedding, not a VR.
    Because we were not married by a priest, we aren't really married, so no matter what I call it and think it is his family will still call it a wedding.

    I don't know about the registry thing, as I guest I wouldn't mind. Even though we probably wouldn't do it.
  • LaurelindorenLaurelindoren
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    edited December 2011
    My husband and I were married by the justice of the peace during his leave from Iraq. We will be having a ceremony. Everyone knows we are already married and still feel it's important that I don't have to loose out on having a wedding ceremony because my husband is active duty military.

    Do what you think is right. The fact is civilians only know what they've seen on TV about military life. I didn't have time to have my dream wedding right away and if I would have waited I wouldn't be able to see or talk to my husband for 6 months.

  • Beachy730Beachy730
    5000 Comments Fourth Anniversary Combo Breaker
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: Is it really that bad?:
    I think it's a great idea. I've come to the conclusion that too many people have too many opinions and it's what YOU want that's important. It's your life and your marriage.. if you want a vow renewal to pronounce your love to each other go for it and have a wonderful moment!!!! Good luck!
    Posted by reina72985
    First of all, its what you and your FI/H/BF want.  Not just you.  It takes 2 people to get married, which means 2 opinions.  Yes, there is an "i" in wedding, but it comes after "we." 

    And second, once you invite guests to an event, it becomes more than just what you want, its also about treating them with respect and ensuring they have a good time. 
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  • Beachy730Beachy730
    5000 Comments Fourth Anniversary Combo Breaker
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: Is it really that bad?:
    My husband and I were married by the justice of the peace during his leave from Iraq. We will be having a ceremony. Everyone knows we are already married and still feel it's important that I don't have to loose out on having a wedding ceremony because my husband is active duty military. Do what you think is right. The fact is civilians only know what they've seen on TV about military life. I didn't have time to have my dream wedding right away and if I would have waited I wouldn't be able to see or talk to my husband for 6 months.
    Posted by Laurelindoren
    2 things with this.  First, you didn't miss out on having a wedding ceremony if you are already married.  The ceremony is when you exchange vows and commit your lives to eachother in marriage.  So if you're married, sorry, you didn't miss out on that.  If anything, you missed out on the big reception. 

    Second, why does your H being active duty military mean you should get to have 2 weddings?  My H is active duty too, and we had 1 wedding.  Have a vow renewal, have your reception, whatever.  But please don't use the excuse that "my H is active duty so I get to do whatever I want."  It seriously creates such a bad taste in civilian's mouths toward all military spouses and families. 
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  • iluvmytxrgriluvmytxrgr
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
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    edited December 2011
    When H and I sat down to plan a date for our wedding, we realized how crazy busy his training schedule was.  There was really only one weekend when we could do it and it was only 2 weeks away.  We threw something together.  I love the way it turned out, but because it was done so quickly, we really didn't have much family there.  We have decided to have a big vow renewal for our 10 yr anniversary.  That gives us another 5 years to save money.  Our families also have time to save money to be here. 
    I don't see anything wrong with a vow renewal, as long as your family knows that that is what it is.  I agree with PP who said it is wrong to lie to your family and friends. 


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  • edited December 2011
    I think that since you told your family and friends that it's a vow renewal, that it's totally acceptable to have one.  A lot of couples get married by a JOP and have a reception later on because either they didn't have money before or for some other reason   The actual wedding was for you and your H, and your vow renewal is for your family and friends who want to share in your happiness.  If anyone has a problem that you're doing a vow renewal, they don't have to attend and that's their choice.  I don't think that you should feel bad about having a vow renewal.  Just enjoy the day with your family and friends and thank them all for their support.  Good luck! :-)
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: Is it really that bad?:
    I don't think so. The only time a vow renewal, second wedding, whatever anyone wants to call it pisses me off is when the couple lies to guests about it. The terminology issue is another thing. We got married by JOP this summer and are hoping to do what my H and I consider a vow renewal. But, the church and most of his family consider it a wedding, not a VR. Because we were not married by a priest, we aren't really married, so no matter what I call it and think it is his family will still call it a wedding. I don't know about the registry thing, as I guest I wouldn't mind. Even though we probably wouldn't do it.
    Posted by hattieshay
    Couldn't agree more!!!
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: Is it really that bad?:
    In Response to Re: Is it really that bad? : First of all, its what you and your FI/H/BF want.  Not just you.  It takes 2 people to get married, which means 2 opinions.  Yes, there is an "i" in wedding, but it comes after "we."  And second, once you invite guests to an event, it becomes more than just what you want, its also about treating them with respect and ensuring they have a good time. 
    Posted by dnbeach12

    I love that, never noticed it before.

    EDIT: I don't think there is nothing wrong with VR's. As long as they are done right.
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