This is not a problem for me. My FILS have been (knock on wood) fantastic, and so has my dad. But I've seen a lot of brides get WHOMPED on the message boards here because mom and dad are paying, are making demands that she's uncomfortable with, and she'd like to do something about it. Example: mom disapproves of friend because friend's tattooed, and mom is refusing to invite her.
Typically, she's told (with varying degrees of bluntness) that her parents are paying for her wedding, so they get to make the decisions. That she should have thought of this before allowing them to pay for her wedding, and (sometimes, it seems) she's getting what she deserves for not paying for it all herself. The implication is that it's her responsibility to roll over and take it, because etiquette states that they're paying, so they get what they want. For her to push her own opinion would be rude.
So I guess my question is: aren't THEY the ones being rude? I understand that if you're going to fight your parents on something, they could get petty and decide to revoke your funding. You takes your chances. But...IMO, offering to pay for your child's wedding (or a portion thereof) is a gift. And I think that it would be unbelievably rude to give me a sweater and then expect to be allowed to dictate how I accessorize it. Or to give me a car and then demand that I never drive it in the state of Vermont - or you'll take it back.
Once a gift is given, shouldn't a person have every right to use it as they like? And isn't the point of the gift to make the other person happy? You're throwing a party FOR your child. Shouldn't you be trying to do what makes THEM happy? So if you don't approve of your child's friend, shouldn't you suck it up and add them to the guest list - because it's about doing something nice for your child, and not about you? Or...isn't it rude of you to insist on having orchid centerpieces when you know that your child prefers daisies?
Just something I've been mulling over. What's your opinion?