Mom is both supportive and yet not of us being engaged and getting married

Re: Mom is both supportive and yet not of us being engaged and getting married

• kmmssg mod

  

  August 2012

  The first thing you guys need to do is QUIT sharing the family snarky remarks.  They serve absolutely no purpose and only inflame bad feelings.  You guys both need to leave those at the door and stop sharing them.

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• samantha24p

  

  August 2012

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mom-is-both-supportive-and-yet-not-of-us-being-engaged-and-getting-married?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:7e1f4458-9a7e-4ee4-a37f-a50526456499Post:ce07fcf6-b4df-4b8a-934c-787a9e907f98">Re: Mom is both supportive and yet not of us being engaged and getting married</a>:
  [QUOTE]This doesn't sound as if it's new behavior for mom, so don't expect it to change because of the wedding. Minimize wedding talk around the negative people, and keep information on a need-to-know basis only. Sometimes moms are the bride's best friend.  Sometimes they're a pain in the butt.
  Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]
  
  
  
  I agree. This is something I'm trying to do.
  
  Sigh... Our Moms could be sisters.

  

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• Marrin713 member

  

  August 2012

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mom-is-both-supportive-and-yet-not-of-us-being-engaged-and-getting-married?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:7e1f4458-9a7e-4ee4-a37f-a50526456499Post:5cdaccd7-3a5c-41f3-b7ca-c9c7f7535fec">Mom is both supportive and yet not of us being engaged and getting married</a>:
  [QUOTE]We've been together for 5 years and a few months ago he finally proposed!!!!!!  My parents have met him many times and everything.  <strong>However, just now my mom was saying that "You're more stuck on him than he is on you," and, "I hope he feels the same way you do about him as he does about you."</strong>  I would prefer not to co-habitate together before marriage (we aren't particularly religious, though we both happened to come from catholic upbringings, it's just we prefer to live together after being married), and so I feel that as long as I live at home, she will continue to exercise her control and try to plant seeds of doubt in my mind.  The worst part is, I usually share these tidbits with my fiance, and over the years it has led to frustrations that add up.  (He in turn shares stuff about his family that they say, even though I have asked him many times not to do so, but he doesn't seem to have a filter).  So what are we going to do?  I can't move out until I get a better job, which I am working on (the wedding isn't for 2 years), but at least he has the stable job...I feel so stuck.  Should I just quit my long term corporate temp job and move out and work like, 2 part time jobs?  It's so maddening to me I don't know ahhh!
  Posted by jmfhokie[/QUOTE]
  
  Perhaps mom sees something you don't?

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• rgile

  

  August 2012 edited August 2012

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mom-is-both-supportive-and-yet-not-of-us-being-engaged-and-getting-married?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:7e1f4458-9a7e-4ee4-a37f-a50526456499Post:94bf2b7d-a8df-4c57-9ca5-0ba1ec829b80">Re: Mom is both supportive and yet not of us being engaged and getting married</a>:
  [QUOTE]Perhaps mom sees something you don't?
  Posted by Marrin713[/QUOTE]<div>
  </div><div>I'm not sure it matters, though. Deciding to marry someone is an adult decision, and adults have to deal with the consequences of their actions regardless of how they turn out. I know moms want to protect their children, but I'd be very annoyed with my mother if she tried to tell me who to marry (or not marry). She's not the one spending the rest of her life with him, is she?</div><div>
  </div><div><strong>jmfhokie</strong>, I would take the advice about not repeating your mom's negative comments to your fiance, and vice versa. I would also (politely but firmly) tell your mom that it's a decision between you and your fiance, and no one else. It's up to you whether or not you feel comfortable living with your parents afterwards. At the risk of sounding cliched, your mom likely just wants what's best for you, and her negative comments are just a way for her to try and help.</div>

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• kerrimur member

  

  August 2012

  i'm going through the exact same thing right now. Up until my fiance proposed my mother constantly asked when we were getting married and why it was taking so long (it was only 3 years). We have been engaged for months now and all of the sudden she's flipped sides. She's started in on the the "i hope he likes you as much as you like him", "he's too quite for you"  and all the above. It's frustrating and annoying. I'm also living at home for the time being and feel like she is planting seeds of doubt and trying ot cause a rift between me and my FI.
  
  I don't know what your relationship with your mother has been like in the past. Mine has not been the best of relationships. She's never really supported me in anything, not even when I got a new job last month. I just try to pay as little mind as I can to her and her comments. Sometimes I think unhappy people just want others around them to be unhappy as well.
  Keep ur head up and her comments our of your mind! Private message me if you want to vent sometime.

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• kngillespie member

  

  September 2012

  You sound like you are going through exactly what I dam. I have been together with my fiance 6 years and he proposed a few months ago. The past 6 years I had to always deal with them not being supportive. I always tell my fiance the things my parents say. I believe in an open/honest relationship and it upsets me when my parents say certain things. I even tell his parents because we get along really well and I like to ask other parents for their advice. My mom even went so far as to say "I hope he will be faithful". We both grew up religious and I know he would never even think about being unfaithful. Let's just say after 6 years I don't let stuff like that go anymore. I have just learned to ignore what she is saying and go on with my relationship. I think only you can decide what choice to make but either you need to have a talk with your mom (its painful and extremely frustrating) or move out. Just focus on what you want and you won't regret any of your decisions.

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