Breaking The Glass

EStar73 · May 2010

So my FI mentioned to me the other night that he wanted to break a glass at the end of our ceremony. He says that he likes the symbolism of it. I would be okay with this except for the fact that neither one of us is Jewish, and no one in our families is Jewish. Everyone is Lutheran and I think that it would be a bit awkward. I was wondering what everyone else thought. Is it weird for us to borrow a tradition like that or not?

psichick · May 2010

honestly, yes.

i'm also wondering what "symbolism" he thinks it stands for as even Jewish scholars can't agree on why the tradition is there. the reasons range from everything from symbolizing the destruction of the temples to symbolizing the breaking of the hymen to a noise that is meant to drive away evil spirits. there are some very nice interpretations too, such as the reminder that just like the glass, the people are now forever changed by marriage.

psichick · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_breaking-glass?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:7e1140ef-e251-4102-bb30-8023cabe41f4Post:a7a9ebc6-a619-4387-a1d0-ac0154fd7b06">Re: Breaking The Glass</a>:
[QUOTE]He is unsure of his religion and lately has been looking into judaism. A good friend of his is jewish and just got married and during the ceremony they explained that <strong>breaking the glass was a reminder that not all things in life are perfect and that marriages like glass can be easily broken if not cared for</strong>. He really liked this and combined with his growing interest in converting he decided that this was something he wanted. However we are not jewish, at least not yet, so I feel weird about using the tradition.
Posted by EStar73[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>this is only one explanation. the truth is, as i stated before, that no one knows WHY they break a glass in jewish ceremonies. there is no consensus, no clear understanding. the most commonly accepted reason is as a reminder of the temples being destroyed in Jerusalem. </div><div>
</div><div>this tradition is only a tradition, and has no clear symbolism. so yea it's pretty strange, and honestly a little disrespectful, that you would want to use the tradition when you are not jewish and it has no meaning to you. </div><div>
</div><div>do a little research into the tradition before you "think" you know what it means.......</div>

bethsmiles · May 2010

If you aren't Jewish I wouldn't do a tradition thats really only done at Jewish weddings. IMO its just not appropriate.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · May 2010

Well, if her converts before the wedding it wouldn't be weird. Otherwise, yes. It seems sort of disrespectful to borrow from another religion just because you like it.

trix1223 · May 2010

I'd be giving the side-eye to you if you did this. It seems disrespectful to me. Kind of like the people who want to use our church for their wedding because "it's so pretty and will look great in our pictures." Please don't do this.

EStar73 · May 2010

Psichick if you were reading the post you would see that he got that meaning from a jewish wedding. The rabbi described it as standing for the delicacy of marriage so I wouldn't say that he came up with the idea all on his own. Also I would like to say that while I do agree with you all that using the tradition might be a bit awkward I do have to defend my fiance and say that "disrespectful" might be a bit strong. He truly does love the jewish religion and proposed the idea because two jewish friends of his told him that they thought it would be fine. However I do appreciate all of your input and am glad that I have more opinions that I can use as I continue to discuss this with my FI.

psichick · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_breaking-glass?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:7e1140ef-e251-4102-bb30-8023cabe41f4Post:33551458-2542-4690-af76-7296deac2fec">Re: Breaking The Glass</a>:
[QUOTE]Psichick if you were reading the post you would see that he got that meaning from a jewish wedding. The rabbi described it as standing for the delicacy of marriage so I wouldn't say that he came up with the idea all on his own. Also I would like to say that while I do agree with you all that using the tradition might be a bit awkward I do have to defend my fiance and say that "disrespectful" might be a bit strong. He truly does love the jewish religion and proposed the idea because two jewish friends of his told him that they thought it would be fine. However I do appreciate all of your input and am glad that I have more opinions that I can use as I continue to discuss this with my FI.
Posted by EStar73[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div><a href="http://www.jewish-history.com/minhag.htm#glass">http://www.jewish-history.com/minhag.htm#glass</a></div><div>
</div><div><a href="http://www.jewish-history.com/minhag.htm#glass"></a><a href="http://www.myjewishlearning.com/life/Life_Events/Weddings/Liturgy_Ritual_and_Custom/Nissuin.shtml">http://www.myjewishlearning.com/life/Life_Events/Weddings/Liturgy_Ritual_and_Custom/Nissuin.shtml</a></div><div>
</div><div><a href="http://www.myjewishlearning.com/life/Life_Events/Weddings/Liturgy_Ritual_and_Custom/Nissuin.shtml"></a><a href="http://www.somethingjewish.co.uk/articles/81_jewish_wedding_guide.htm">http://www.somethingjewish.co.uk/articles/81_jewish_wedding_guide.htm</a></div><div>
</div><div><a href="http://www.somethingjewish.co.uk/articles/81_jewish_wedding_guide.htm"></a><a href="http://www.bnaimitzvahguide.com/jewish.weddings.traditions.php#The Glass">http://www.bnaimitzvahguide.com/jewish.weddings.traditions.php#The Glass</a></div><div>
</div><div><a href="http://www.bnaimitzvahguide.com/jewish.weddings.traditions.php#The Glass"></a>read. there is more than one reason for the breaking of the glass, and no clear consensus as to the tradition. </div><div>
</div><div>and yes, it is disrespectful to take a tradition from another religion and use it just because you like it when it has no meaning to you. </div><div>
</div>

aerinpegadrak · May 2010

People do tend to borrow traditions from other faiths frequently, but usually it's because the couple still has some connection to said tradition. Honestly, if I were at a wedding that had not even a remote connection to Judaism where the couple broke a glass, I'd just think that they had absolutely no idea what it meant or where it came from and just tossed it in willy nilly.

Thanks to the media, breaking the glass = Jewish wedding, usually a very traditional one. Seriously, when you see a Jewish wedding on TV or in the movies, that's usually the only part they show, so the two are very strongly associated. If your FI is really serious about wanting to include some Jewish tradition in the ceremony, there are plenty of other elements he could borrow that wouldn't carry nearly the same associations.

aerinpegadrak · May 2010

I considered the idea of a handfasting, but realized that the only people who have them are 1) pagan, 2) Celtic, or 3) pretentious. We're not #1, not particularly #2, and didn't want to be #3, so we passed.

handfast4me · May 2010

Yes, exactly. As a Pagan, and being of Celtic (Scottish) ancestry, it's so annoying. Further, many Christians have made it worse by doing this "blessing of the hands" (calling it something different doesn't make it Christian) and then this other thing of cord-tying (can't remember what it's called, I must have blocked it out) which is basically then bastardizing the effort put into making a cord for the handfasting. ARGH.

Where the heck do they think the term "tie the knot" came from?

mizri · May 2010

I about fell out of my chair when I saw one website selling handfasting cords and saying that the 12 cords represent Jesus's 12 disciples. What???

aerinpegadrak · May 2010

Have you guys seen the God's Knot? It makes my skin crawl. Way to take another culture's tradition and turn it into something totally misogynistic and patriarchal. I'm not normally a rabid feminist, but there's one that lives inside me that comes crawling out, frothing at the mouth, when something like that turns up.

handfast4me · May 2010

That's EXACTLY the thing I was talking about. It give me the heebie-jeebies.

The other thing that sort of drives me nuts is jumping the broom. I got attacked on this board a year of so ago by an African-American bride who was saying I had it all wrong, and how DARE I argue with her. Actually the exact quote was "are you arguing with me?" Uh, yeah, miss high and mighty, I'm not arguing because you're wrong. This ritual may have been adopted by your culture, but again, the tradition is Welsh (Celtic) and Pagan. My stars. And it's done in baptist churches! You'd think that people would research something before they tried to incorporate it into a ceremony.

LeahDVM2003 · June 2010

Honestly, I think most of these posts are a bit selfish. Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. If a couple like a tradition and the meaning behind it, they should use it. As a Catholic, I would not be offended in the least if someone from another faith wanted to incorporate prayers to the Virgin Mary, for example, or bread and wine. I recently attended a non-denominational wedding that incorporated a Communion service. While I did not partake, I certainly was not offended. The important thing is to research the tradition to be sure you really understand what it means, and want to incorporate that meaning into your wedding.

Knats_Manushak · June 2010

Breaking the glass or breaking some sort of ceramic or glass object is not soley jewish. I am armenian and we have the breaking of the plates. It is part of two other traditions that are done upon entering the new home or the grooms home. Instead of being caried over the threshhold you walk in on your own free will. The mother in law puts flat bread (lavash) on your shoulders (so that you always have food and good luck at your table), feeds the couple a spoon full of honey (so that your life together and love will always be sweet) and then finally the couple break plates by smashing them with their feet. The plate breaking symbolizes fooling evit spirits into thinking that their evil deed for that day is done aka warding off evil spirits.

There are incredible amounts of traditions from all over the world. Pick a tradition that is special to you and has significance and use it. Its your wedding and you can personalize it to however you wish.

gmyerberg · August 2010

I do not agree with the comment about some people being selfish in regards to this topic. As a Jew I can tell you that I would never pray to Mary or take communion etc. as that has no place in a Jewish wedding.
So yes, I would be offended if the glass was broken at a non Jewish wedding, especially if you are only doing it because you think it's cool. These is serious meaning behind this tradition and for anyone to disrespect it, is just ignorant.

pixykaylen · December 2010

My fiance and I are not very religious. He is atheist and I am agnostic/leaning towards some form of Christianity. Most of my family is Catholic

I have been researching having part of the handfasting ritual at my wedding because I feel that it is a way for my fiance to stay true to himself and find meaning in the ceremony. I don't think the religious aspects of the ceremony will have the same meaning for him as they do for me. Plus I really like the symbolism of the ritual. I personally think it is fine to borrow from different cultures as long as you research them thoroughly and treat them with the respect they deserve. Notice I said cultures and not religions which I view as two different things.

I have found several sites that say that handfasting was used both as engagement and as wedding ceremony due to lack of priests in the middle ages. This would allow them to be together as man and wife until a priest could formally bless their marriage. I have also found many pagan sites that list ways for the ritual to be incorporated into Christian weddings.
http://community.livejournal.com/weddingplans/13265941.html

From the research I have done so far, it seems that handfasting is a pre-Christian ceremony and was only recently adopted into the neo-pagan wedding ceremony. As far as I can tell it was not attached to any specific religion. I would also like to point out that many pagan believes have been adopted into Christianity (Christmas trees, Easter eggs/bunny, even wedding rings), I realize this was because the church was trying to convert pagans as painlessly as possible, but that doesn't change the fact that the traditions still stand today in many Christian homes.

This is the format we will prolly use.
http://www.foreverwed2.com/Religious_Ceremonies//handfasting.htm

As for the breaking of the glass at your wedding, I like the idea behind it. Or rather what you thought the idea behind it was. I think that maybe it would be a little weird to have it at your wedding but I don't think you should give up on it altogether. I think maybe you should find or make a new tradition for your ceremony that would have the same meaning that way you won't risk offending anyone and you can add the special meaning you want to your ceremony.

trix1223 · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_breaking-glass?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:7e1140ef-e251-4102-bb30-8023cabe41f4Post:03bb20da-628b-4a6b-935a-aa93d0c3af3f">Re: Breaking The Glass</a>:
[QUOTE]Honestly, I think most of these posts are a bit selfish. Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. If a couple like a tradition and the meaning behind it, they should use it. As a Catholic, I would not be offended in the least if someone from another faith wanted to incorporate prayers to the Virgin Mary, for example, or bread and wine. <strong> I recently attended a non-denominational wedding that incorporated a Communion service</strong>. While I did not partake, I certainly was not offended. The important thing is to research the tradition to be sure you really understand what it means, and want to incorporate that meaning into your wedding.
Posted by LeahDVM2003[/QUOTE]

You do know that every Christian denomination, yes, even the "non denominational" ones have a communion component to their worship, and that's it's not a "Catholic" tradition, but a Christian one, right?

Just as examples: I work in a Presbyterian Church, and we have communion every month, and on several other important days in our liturgical calendar. My best friend, an organist in a Lutheran church has communion every Sunday.

So you can't compare having communion in a Christian church to having a tradition that is clearly NOT Christian: handfasting or breaking a glass in a Lutheran church. They are not even in the same ballpark as communion.

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