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Rabbi Cost

starla827starla827
First Comment
in Jewish Weddings
I am not Jewish, but my fiance is, so we have decided to have a Jewish wedding.  I've looked into a few different Rabbis/Cantors and we have found one that we like.  The only issue is the cost.

My future in-laws offered to pay for the rabbi.  When we told her how much the person we found is planning on charging ($750), she said that it is too much and she was expecting no more than $500.

Is $750 too much?  It's not that easy to find a rabbi or cantor that is available on our date (it is a popular date for Jewish weddings) and is willing to marry us because I am not Jewish and want to have some of the more religious aspects of the ceremony toned down a bit.

Neither fiance or his parents belong to a synagogue and the Rabbi that my fiance grew up with passed away last year, so we don't really have a person we know.

Any thoughts?
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Re: Rabbi Cost

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    JoBell123JoBell123
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Ours is $600, but I've heard of Rabbis and Cantors charging as much as $1000.
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    Musicheals71Musicheals71 member
    First Anniversary First Comment Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Mine was $500.  If we wanted the cantor along with the rabbi, that would have been an additional $400, so we passed on the cantor.

    Maybe the FILs could pay $500 and you pay the additional $250?
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    Jess111679Jess111679
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Ours is $1200!! so $750 sounds great to me!!  I agree about splitting the cost, they pay $500 and you pay the remainder... or it's a conversation with your in-laws. You don't have a lot of control over the rabbi fee... maybe you could ask them to look for someone who would charge less, if it's an issue...
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    artisticjewishbride2013artisticjewishbride2013 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I would point out to your in-laws that it is extremely hard to find a rabbi willing to marry an interfaith couple. Are they helping to pay for anything else? 
    I would put up the extra 250 if this is what everyone agrees upon 

    I have to find a Rabbi willing to marry my love and myself  because his family is not as religious as mine. Happy mediums are hard to find good luck with this
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    ucfandreaucfandrea member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Mine typically charges $750 but he's charging me about half (I used to babysit for his daughters), so we're paying $360.  I was only budgeted for $500 so I was super happy about the discount!
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    mickeypottermickeypotter member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Mine was free as I am a member of his synagogue and have been active for years. My parents, however, made a $500 donation to the "rabbi's discressonary fund"
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    AmitzahAmitzah member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    For our shul, if you're a member then a donation is made to the Rabbi's Discretionary Fund.

    In Orange County the OC Board of Rabbis will suggest a flat fee for the local rabbis to use as a standard.  I don't know how that is done elsewhere.
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    october010brideoctober010bride
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_jewish-weddings_rabbi-cost?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:399Discussion:df9bff4d-819b-481d-9821-720bc9d76738Post:bcef211c-443d-409d-b751-c46aa6418da4">Re: Rabbi Cost</a>:
    [QUOTE]I <strong>would point out to your in-laws that it is extremely hard to find a rabbi willing to marry an interfaith couple.</strong> Are they helping to pay for anything else?  I would put up the extra 250 if this is what everyone agrees upon  I have to find a Rabbi willing to marry my love and myself  because his family is not as religious as mine. Happy mediums are hard to find good luck with this
    Posted by artisticjewishbride2013[/QUOTE]

    This x10000. Finding an interfaith rabbi is extremely hard and you are lucky that you found one fairly easy and drama free. See if you can split the cost, that way they'd be more comfortable with the price.

    And, our rabbi and cantor were free because H's parents belong to the temple.
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    PhiSigFlyPhiSigFly
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    We're paying $500, BUT we were quoted $900 by 2 others, and $800 from another. We're both Jewish, but neither family is affiliated with a temple. When I was contacting rabbis from TK, I felt they were very commercial- with websites and FaceBook pages- because they were trying to appeal to unaffiliated couples and they could basically charge as much as they want because unaffiliated people feel like they don't have many choices. SO, I just did a google search for reform rabbis in the area, sent a bunch of e-mails, got a handful of responses (all with quotes around the $500 mark) and we chose our rabbi from that pool.

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    jessicabessicajessicabessica member
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    edited December 2011
    Our cantor is $500.  Our date is also very popular for Jewish weddings, so my parent's rabbi wasn't available (I think he would have done it for the cost of transportation, since it wouldn't have been local to him), and then the rabbi at the shul we go to sometimes is leaving (July 1 is when conservative rabbinical contracts expire/renew, as it turns out, and our wedding is July 3). 

    I think $750 is not too steep, and you shouldn't hesitate to ask the officiant to help you plan out the ceremony, review your programs, etc., particularly since you're paying.  I agree with PPs that suggested you explain to FILs how hard it is to find a Jewish clergy officiant for your situation (intermarriage + date), and that $750 is really in the middle of the price range, given that they are not synagogue members, particularly if you are in a higher cost of living area. 
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    starla827starla827
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Thanks for all the helpful responses!

    I'll try to suggest that we pay the $250, because we do like this guy and he is very willing to work with us to customize the ceremony to our liking.  I am worried that she won't go for it, though.  I think she is more concerned that it is too expensive in general, not too expensive for her to afford.  She even wanted me to give him his number so she can call and try to bargain with him! 

    She also said that we don't even need to have a rabbi...we can just get married in City Hall, like she did.  But, fiance really wants a Jewish wedding, and because it is important to him I want him to have it.  Hopefully she will go for that.  If not, we can just pay the whole thing ourselves and hope she understands.  We were planning on paying for it anyway, before she made the offer.
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    rxjenrxjen
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    We are donating $600 to our Rabbi's Charity..
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    girliegirlralgirliegirlral
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Do they belong to a Temple?  Our Rabbi's fee was waived because it is included in my parents' Temple dues.
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    Magdala9Magdala9 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_jewish-weddings_rabbi-cost?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:399Discussion:df9bff4d-819b-481d-9821-720bc9d76738Post:6ee28a3e-3819-411c-9a6a-45fe8fbc27e6">Re: Rabbi Cost</a>:
    [QUOTE]For our shul, if you're a member then a donation is made to the Rabbi's Discretionary Fund. In Orange County the OC Board of Rabbis will suggest a flat fee for the local rabbis to use as a standard.  I don't know how that is done elsewhere.
    Posted by Amitzah[/QUOTE]
    Apparently Boston uses a similar system. It was $600 and we had to talk him into marrying an interfaith couple.  It helped that one of the groomsmen was his son.
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    bhhnbhhn member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I wish that the Rabbi my fiance chose wanted only $500-$600, but he actually asked for $2,000!!! which is crazy! its a 30 minute ceremony so I don't think it should be more than $600.00!
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    mhaas412mhaas412
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    There is a rabbi that I have talked to that is asking for $1000.

    We are not memebers of a congregation and its an off-site wedding. Plus, we get a year of free membership.

    At first, i thought it was a little steep but after research-prices vary with rabbi's so I am not suprised.

    I will keep looking though.
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